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FILM @ 11
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Tuesday, February 9Massive Atack!
UK to US' latest import, The Inbetweeners, has gotten us all bitten and instantly smitten (and how could it not, as it hails from the same channel that birthed flavs Skins & Misfits), and after peepin episode 4 of season 1, we want to put our paws all over this kitten  Emily Atack!   the (b)re(a)st hear [sadly SFW] + for no reason: Jedward featuring Vanilla Ice 'Under Pressure (Ice Ice Baby)'  Monday, February 8Precious: Based On The New Orleans Saints Super Bowl Push by Drew Brees & Co.
 Drew Brees' DJ son Baylen  Friday, February 5Alan Smithee & Besson
From Paris with Love Chumps-É-lazy Trailers & Mo | Official Website  Oh French film industry, what hath become of you? You used to fill our art house screens with precious lil ditties about life and love, straight from the deft Cahiers du cinéma critics turned filmmakers, and their proteges that followed in their footsteps, but now it seems like them notebooks are being written by a bunch of barbarians and neanderthals that keep on invading our multiplexes year after year! Oh the nerve! Oh the gall of Gaul! We blame (yet still love) Luc Besson for all this nutty shoot-em-up nonsense. His still vibrant (Le Femme) Nikita kicked off the madness, Léon: (The Professional) was the heartfelt caketopper (and unforgettable introduction to Natalie Portman), and from there the genre tumbled downhill, with Besson throwing around story 'ideas' to every Tom, Dick, and Harry who wanted to replicate his brief critical and commercial success. Now it's nothing but excess, and there's no excuse for that, or eggcuses for 19 Transporters, Taxis, Banlieue 13ses and a bunch of other turkeys Besson's latest 'idea' has been handed off to director Pierre Morel, the dude who he teamed up with for last year's semi-broke the moldy-mold Taken, but lightening doesn't strike twice with their From Paris With Love. The crummy by the boo(k)s dialog (no thank you Adi Hasak) certainly doesn't help to elevate the loosey goosey plotting, and neither does hiring John Travolta as the head-shaved, goatee-ed prick of a CIA agent Charlie Wax (think Colin Farrell's Bullseye from Daredevil, but not nearly as comically horrific). We suppose he was given that name only so they could drop a 'wax on, wax off' joke, which they wrongfully do, and as you can imagine, it falls flatter than the fella who gets steamrolled in Austin Powers. Later that line gets redeemed, with the pseudo-creative reuse of a signature Travolta line that features the French name of a certain McDonalds hamburger. We chuckled aloud, and almos were ashamed for doing so. Even mo shameful, despite all the poo-pooed-edness of this generic flick, including a crummy American accent spoken by the tiny Jonathan Rhys Meyers, we didn't hate it. We'll always have Paris, even if this Paris has not much to it FantKasia : we totally wanna kasia smutniak JRM's screen honey Kasia NSFW Smutniak!!   Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinking Badges Still Bill Withers Blooms Official Website & Trailer & Mo  You know who Bill Withers be? On name alone, probably not, but yer ears do, as he's the man behind such beyond classics as 'Lean On Me', 'Aint No Sunshine' and 'Just The Two of Us', juss to name a few mellow grooves he's gifted us with. Oh yeah, that guy, right? So what is his story and whatever became of him? The sunny and soulful doc Still Bill, by Damani Baker and Alex Vlack, fills in the gaps, from his humble West Virgina upbringing as a shy stuttering kid, to his landing on the music scene and the unwanted superstardom that came along with it, to his eventual complete withdraw from the limelight so he devote more time to his loved one. As a viewer, and fan of his music, we keep asking, why and how could he leave us behind? By the end, he's starting to ask himself the very same questions. Here's hoping that the answer leads him back on the road again Screen But Not Heard: there are numerous screenings of the film all over the map, and if you don't see one in yer area, you can host yer own! Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers Paris doesn't triomphe today at a theater near jews, while Still Bill continues only in NY, or at a screening soon to be near jews (see above). also, we LOVED Fish Tank, and you can too, in the comfort of yer own home, spanks to IFC on-demand! and until next thyme the balcony is clothed...  A thru Z Dorable II
Campbell Soup Kids = rules!  Tobias Zarius photography  A thru Z Dorable I Wednesday, February 3Thighs Wide Movies 2009
we saw 150ish flicks in the '09
(down from 190ish last year) and you probably didn't but we still luvs youes!  1) Hurt Locker - HURTs so good. LOCKERs even gooderer!!!! 2) Skin - this little seen/known true story got under our SKIN and you should let it do the same to yours! 3) Das Weisse Band (The White Ribbon) - the kids aint alright, and neither are their parents and neither are you if you pass on this!! 4) Il Divo - the devil is in the details and the devil is in the detailed Il Divo. whip it mmm mmm gooooood! 5) Tetro - Sofia Coppola who? 6) Avatar - who didn't want to munch on Pandora's box? or punch Joel Moore in the face? 7) A Serious Man - 'the finesestest Jewish-oriented (non-Holocaust) film since The Ten Commandments. Eat yer farts out Woody Allen and Neil Simon!' 8) Fantastic Mr Fox - Wes is more! Fooba Wooba John! 9) District 9 - fittingly #9 on our list, but Neill Blomkamp & Sharlto Copley's names tie for #1!!!  10) Somers Town - may the Shane Meadows grazing never end!! 11) Goodbye Solo - hello humanity! 12) Capitalism: A Love Story - Fatman returns! 13) The Road - paths of unglory! 14) Up - nobody makes a perfect first 1/3rd of a movie, and a whatevs for the other 2/3rds quite like Pixar did does! 15) Watchmen - don't believe the pre-release hype, but do believe the post-release fact that it matched the graphic novel pourfectly! 16) The Messenger - Cheers meets Six Feet Under... not really! 17) Not Quite Hollywood: The Wild, Untold Story of Ozploitation! - the women glowed, the men plundered! 18) Broken Embraces - Almodóvar = film caviar! Honor Blackmanable Mentions  The Blind Side, Brothers, Brüno, The Cove, Donkey Punch, Drag Me To Hell, GI Joe: Rise of Cobra, Guest of Cindy Sherman, In The Loop, Inglourious Basterds, Lymelife, Sugar, Surveillance, Two Lovers, Tyson & Where The Wild Things Are Thighs Wide Movie Awards The Death to Smoochy Worstest Pictures of the Year  Antichrist Pandorum Pirate Radio & Push The Gus van Sant Most(ly) Pretentious Most Overhyped Guy Flies In Plane Guy Lands On Ground Guy Does Nuttin Really Cept Meets Pilot That Look Like Sam Elliot Movie For No Reason  Up In The Air The Bare Un-Necessities/ Coulda Been A Contender  Nine Invictus Bronson The Informers Whatever Works New York, I Love You The Invention of Lying & 4 Fast, 4 Furious Trailers Worth Tractoring  The Informers, A Serious Man, Tetro, Where The Wild Things Are A Single Man, 500 Days of Summer, 2012, District 9 & Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans and the wurst: Spinning Into Butter Post Her Post We Post Haste!  & the wurstest ones The Inland Empire Shot On Digital Video Film That Struck Out Cause It Looked Like Udder F$%king Sh@t!!  Public Enemies Accent That Needed To Be Axed & Sent Directly To Jail/Hell  Paul Schneider's Scottish 'accent' in Bright Star runner The Samuel L Jackson Never Met A Script He Didn't Like Guy of The Year  That Guy aka Michael Berryman who appeared in 10ish movies even though the Mac kid had ELEVEN credited roles in the '009 The Nice Try Lao Che Guevaraer  Food, Inc. for not even remotely changing our minds about eating yummy yet crappy yet yummy ghetto meats made in America! Flamingest Use of An Angora Sweater Since Ed Wood  Nicholas Hoult in A Single Man Jizz Shots Heard Round The World That Weren't Caused By Amber  Malin Akerman and her super-curvy NSFW a$$ in Watchmen Bestest Flix We Netted  Always Bet On These Lil Shirley Temple Black (& White) Children  Chibundu Orukwowu & Chigozie Orukwowu Edie Martin Max Records Bailee Madison Ryan Simpkins Ella Ramangwane Isabelle Fuhrman Least Bangable Scary Lady Since The Ancient Booer  the ole hag from Drag Me To Hell Songs That Execute Butter Than Norman Mailer's Bong  'Freedom Fighters' in the Star Trek trailer 'Somebody To Love' in A Serious Man [d] 'Heroes & Villains' in Fantastic Fox [d] 'Heartbeats (Rex the Dog Remix)' in Donkey Punch [d] 'All Is Love' in Where The Wild Things Are [d] anything by Anvil & 'Ass 2 Ass' with you [empee3] in Skins (even dough Skins isn't a movie but we forgot to include that tune in our TV or Music of 2009 wrap ups) Unintentional Porn To Be Wild Titles  April Showers The Box Crank 2 Everlasting Moments Five Minutes of Heaven Gentlemen Broncos Gigantic The Horse Boy I Can Do Bad It Might Get Loud The Lovely Bones Not Easily Broken The Princess and The Frog Push The September Issue Spread Sunshine Cleaning Tickling Leo Where The Wild Things Are Whip It Yoo Hoo Mrs. Goldberg Fenella Woolgar Bestest Names Award  Uzimann Jon Eyez Jadagrace Victoria Stankiewicz & Poo Poo Productions 9 Things Not Covered In Nine, 9 or District 9  500 Zooey Deschanels the first GI Joe tango in Paris the Uzi spraying at the fake Gugg in The International the plain jane-ness of Olivia Wilde's writer/director parents Frank Langella's 3/4ths face making more cents than the rest of what went on in The Box the road of The Road Almodóvar's meet & Magritte Matt Damon in Eddie Murphy white face & we'll have whatever Nic Cage was having in Bad Lt Welcome To The House, Dolls Naturi Naughton  Notorious Jaime Winstone  + the other 2 fit women of Donkey Punch Tracey Heggins  Medicine For Melancholy Holly Valance  Taken Jocelin Donahue  He's Just Not That Into You + The House of The Devil Julianna Guill Danielle Panabaker & Willa Ford  Friday the 13th 李小璐 aka Li Xiao Lu aka Jacqueline Li aka Lu Lu  Push Brooke Nevin  Sherman's Way Margarita Levieva  Adventureland Ellary Porterfield  Sugar Nora Arnezeder  Paris 36 (Faubourg 36) Gal Gadot  4 Fast 4 Furious Collette Wolfe  Observe and Report Nicole Beharie  American Violet Zoe Saldana  Star Trek & Avatar Rachel Nichols  Star Trek & GI Joe: Rise of Cobra Jessica Mas  Rudo y Cursi Amber Heard  The Informers Cameron Goodman  The Informers Kimberley Nixon  Easy Virtue Carmen Ejogo  Away We Go Dominique McElligott  Moon Isabel Lucas  Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen Minka Kelly  (500) Days of Summer Katheryn Winnick  Cold Souls Léa Seydoux  Inglourious Basterds Jennifer Merrill  Taking Woodstock Krista Allen  The Final Destinastion (3-D) Paula Patton  Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire Beatrice Rosen  2012 Lily Collins  The Blind Side Keri Lynn Pratt  A Single Man Jenna Gavigan  A Single Man Leonie Benesch  A Single Man Alden Ehrenreich  Tetro Sasha Grey  The Gross Experience & Alexandre & Philippe Haussmann  2012 Movies To Look For In The '010  Ben-Hymn Motel For Frogs First House On The Right Landland, starring Jesse Eisenberg We Hate You I Love You Beth Cooper The Year of Living Johnny Dangerously Unnecessary Musical Released In December Untitled Generic Christmas Movie The Men Who Stare At Goatees 9 Fast, 9 Furious lookin for a second opinion? papa Thigh Master weighs in!  Daddy's Long Legs & His 13teenies 1. Hurt Locker 2. Avatar 3. Good Hair 4. An Education 5. Okuribito (Departures) 6. Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire 7. Etz Limon (The Lemon Tree) 8. L'heure d'été (Summer Hours) 9. Captain Abu Raed 10. Goodbye Solo 11. Adam 12. Away We Go 13. Everybody's Fine don't forget to peep out our '08, '07, '06, '05, '04, '03, and '02 awards!!  until next thyme the balcony is clothed...  |
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