Apparently I Love Seeing Miramax Movies About Young Foreign Boys

OK, so that sounded a little sick, but I’m into 17 and 3/4 year-old girls, not 8 year-old boys. Anywho, in the past 2 weeks, I’ve peeped two coming of age flicks and they are both worth a look. Grants it, they aint blockbusters like Battlefield Earth, but sometimes we need a nice lil movie to make us feel human again… not Psychlosic-like.

Here lil Valentin is imitating me watching Valentín. Unfortunately, no hot blondes were staring at me the entire time.

Valentín aka Valentin

I couldn’t drag anyone to this movie. It was a tough sell. First the tagline is hella lame, “Cupid just turned eight.” Secondly, the trailer blows donkey ball hair. It makes it look like some sorta sappy-ass movie ala Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. Luckily it was more like Rushmore sans kick-ass soundtrack and Bill Murray. Here be the gist of the story: Valentín is a cross-eyed, precocious (I love that word) youngster who is all but abandoned by his parents. His dream, to become an astronaut, but that shiz aint gonna be easy living in Buenos Aires, yo. But his real dream is to be loved by someone. So, he befriends a piano teacher and one of his dad’s ex-girlfriends (uber-hottie Julieta Cardinali, who was actually present at the screening) and that’s about all I will reveal. The kid who plays Valentin is so f-in adorable. Anyone have the # of an adoption agency in Argentina? I think Dakota Fanning’s days are numbered if this kid ever learns how to speak English. This is such a cute and sweet movie that you can take a date to it and by the end, she’ll be giving you HJs til dawn (please see the animated guide for more info).

This kid, he no scared.

Io Non Ho Paura
aka I’m Not Scared

This coming of age story involves a boy who lives in the Italian countryside. When not eating spin-getti, he’s running in wheat fields with his ravioli pals. Then one day he discovers a kidnapped kid being held in a small hole. And soon he realizes that his father is involved!! Don’t be fooled, this is not a scary movie, unless you find small mumbling Italian boys covered in dirt frightening. I used to, but I finally got over that fear after years of therapy. The main kid is good, but he’s not as precocious (I STILL love that word) as lil Valetin. Btw, The cinematography in this one is muy bueno Pinot Grigio. This one won’t get you HJs, but maybe some hand holding and sweet nothings.