Box Office BidnessThe Christ Resurrects
12. Apr, 2004 
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1. The Passion of the Christ – $17.1 million – I think this Jesus dude is going to be bigger than Jesus.
2. Hellboy – $11.1 million – please see HellBoo review below.
3 (tie) The Alamo – $9.2 million – Apparently no one wants to remember or see the Alamo. When I was in San Antoine with the fam years ago, we were more impressed with an Alamo IMAX movie than the bona fide fort itself. And no, there wasn’t a basement… or tours of where Cloak & Dagger (Dabney Coleman/Henry Thomas) was filmed.
3 (tie) Johnson Family Vacation – $9.2 million – I aint going to a movie if any of these words appear in the movie’s title: “vacation” or “National Lampoon’s.”
5. Walking Tall – $8.3 million – In the 1973 original, the main character’s name was Buford Pusser. In the new version his name is Chris Vaughn. I guess the Rock is just a big pusser.
6. Home on the Range – $8.2 million – Two Disney movies in the top ten? I wouldn’t get used to it.
7. Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed $8 million – What’s mo sad: the fact that this movie made another $8 million or the fact that I’ll never make that much in my entire life?
8. The Whole Ten Yards – $6.7 million – 15 yard penalty for sucking.
9. Ella Enchanted – $6.1 million – Why this when they could just re-release The Princess Bride?
Inigo Montoya: That Vizzini, he can *fuss*.
Fezzik: Fuss, fuss… I think he like to scream at *us*.
Inigo Montoya: Probably he means no *harm*.
Fezzik: He’s really very short on *charm*.
Inigo Montoya: You have a great gift for rhyme.
Fezzik: Yes, yes, some of the time.
Vizzini: Enough of that.
Inigo Montoya: Fezzik, are there rocks ahead?
Fezzik: If there are, we all be dead.
Vizzini: No more rhymes now, I mean it.
Fezzik: Anybody want a peanut?
Vizzini: DYEEAAHHHHHH.
10. The Girl Next Door $6 million – Lettuce be honest, the only reason any of us would ever see this movie would to be see Timothy Olyphant’s acting chops… I mean, to see Elisha Cuthbert in tight clothing. Hooray for pointless Hollywood crap with hot chicks!
