A Memo From Memorial Day Weak End

Did you know that Memorial Day used to be called Decoration Day? Well, now you know cause I just told you. Old fogies would decorate the graves of the men (and women) who gave their lives fighting for our freedom. Freedom of speech, freedom of religion, and the freedom to invade other countries so we can tell them how to run things and if they don’t we’ll stick broom sticks up their a$$es until they do. It seems that the only decorating we do these days is to the hot dogs fresh off the grill. To me its just another day off and an eggcuse to head home to the DC suburbs. I tend to skip the parades comprised of high school marching bands and the old Shriner dudes adorned with fez caps riding around in little cars (although I would join just to ride in one of them hot wheels). And this year would be no different for moi.

I really didn’t do anything that monumental. Chilled with the homeboyz, the fam, and many a loved ones. Peeped Saved! and The Day After Tomorrow (reviews forthcoming), took in some sun and took in even more in the eating department. Speaking of feeding my face (the thing I do best besides basket weaving), I hit up many o’ the spots contained on the “Places To Eat B4 U Die” list. Chowed down on the rectangular za (they don’t cut corners) at Ledo’s w/Flea and her ho bag. Scarfed me up some dat spinach and artichoke dip + the grilled chicken salad (opted out of the secret chicken fingers) at Houston’s with Ma & Pa Thigh Master + Flea. And when me hit up Rehoboth Beach for a day with my brother bear, gorged on some Grotto’s, Nicola’s infamous Nic-o-bolis, and downed a bucket o’ Thrasher’s (a B4 U Die candidate) without blinking. Yes, I now weigh a measly 517 pounds.

And the beach? So f-in mint. The sun wasn’t out, so I didn’t apply sunscreen and ended up paying the price. I kinda resembled the Coppertone girl, cept my a$$ is a bit more hairy. But the beach is kinda secondary at the beach anywayz. I hit me up some skeeball, bumber cars, air hockey, and 1/2 an hour dead-e-cated to the greatest pinball game known to man: The Addams Family.

I also czeched out Rockville’s (the rockinest city) annual Hometown Holiday gala with Jedidah. As mentioned previously, this year’s washed-up line-up consisted of the Gin Blossoms and York, PA’s Live. Skipped out on the “Hey Jealousy”, but had to see Live… er, um, live. They must have released 1,523,819,732,878,237 albums since Throwing Copper cause me and Jedidah couldn’t recognize any of their songs. But good old Ed Kowalczyk (with a name like that, bizatch should be in the NHL… and he also kinda looks like Colin Farrell) was still kicking the ballistics, bare-chested and all. That unnecessary trip down my 1995 memory lane wasn’t worth the driving. But all was well and good once the fireworks kicked in. Fireworks for Memorial Day? Yeah, cause all humans love fireworks and need to see them more than once a year. They should add that to the constitution instead of banning gay marriages… please don’t get me started. Anywho, the show ended and we were dying for some eats. We got so desperate that we tried to go to this shithole called Pizza Oven. Jedidah likens the food to eating cardboard. I think he’s being generous in that statement. There must have been some deux ex machina going on cause the dumphole (no, not Veteran’s stadium) was closed. And boy was I tempted.

Peep this sub deal they have



And next to that sign, they have another claiming this:



And ya wanna know what? That shit may be true, but who voted for it? The same old Jewish Floridians who voted for Pat Buchanan in 2000? I couldn’t find any info on that “election” anywhere on the internet. Pizza Oven doesn’t even have a website. It’s an f-in sham. Jedidah suggested we sell the idea of 2 subs for $4.98 to another restaurant so Pizza Oven can be stripped of their crown of cheapness. Gawd I love America and phones that take pictures. And what better way to end an evening of has-been music and temptation of cheap meals than with a blunt (or as I call em, a Drew Blizoe) and some bowling. I stink, but Jedidah should turn pro. Mudder-fudger got two 180s. And to think, I got an A+ in bowling from IU for nothing!

Wrapped up the weekend by conning my poor madre into thinking I was leaving on Monday, only to sir prize her the next night at her retirement party. I spent my Tuesday off chilling with Curious George’s ma at gorgeous Great Falls. Then it was off to Cabin John Park to feed the pig trash can that actually speaks to you and attempt to ride the miniature train that I hadn’t boarded since I was knee-high in knee-high socks drinking Nehi soda. Bought me $1.50 ticket to ride before some deux ex machina reigned with some rain. Bastards!!! Trying to stop my reliving of my childhood. Anywho, it was off to our final destination, the coolest spot of gratis: The Potomac Community Center aka The PCC to those in the know. If you’ve never heard of Potomac, it’s a rich suburb home to Sugar Ray Leonard, the inspiration for TV’s 90210, and not a one sidewalk. They is so rich that they have a community center where anyone can walk in and have the time of their lives on the house. This place has gots indoor b-ball, ping-pong, billiards, air hockey, foosball, bumper pool, and even the original Popeye arcade game!!

That’s pretty much that. There was no real point in posting all of this eggcept my short term memory is shot and I need to remember to go to the PCC the next time I’m home. If those rich bastages ever spring for an Addams Family pinball machine, I’m moving back in with my parents!