Dissed Her &Dismissed Her

– Hilary Duff emitted some fighting words at Her Royal Thighness, LL, on her latest record. Spraying shiz like, “You’re queen of superficiality. Keep your lies out of my reality.” and also “You say your boyfriend’s sweet and kind, but you’ve still got your eyes on mine.” Ahhhhhhhh snap!!!!!! What will the Lohanster do for a rebuttal? Here’s my guess at some lyrics she might pen, “Yo bizatch, you can lick my orange crotch. And what’s up with yer first name? Omitting an ‘l’ aint no way to gain fame. Jealous that my box office receipts are as big as my breasts? Yer so broke I bet you love the NY Mets.” Wow, maybe I should quit my day and night jobs and become a songwriter. Peace the fork out Bernie Taupin!!

– Beating off to Speaking of Lohan, LeBron James was supposed to grace the cover of this month’s GQ and not her. However, after the editors took a look at her snaps and jizzed all over themselves, they decided to make the switch. And no, I do not work at GQ.

– And boy how eggstatic am I that her papa aint going to the big house!! I mean, who wants an inmate as an in-law?

– Finally, in the Lohansphere, our lady in waiting went all sorts of APE SHEEEET when she found out her local bakery was out of blueberry muffins!! Lohan’s frantic antics remind me of another naughty kid who I had a crush on, and coincidentally turned into a blueberry: Violet Beauregarde. [via GoldenDisSpencer]

– To hell with the World Beard & Stache Championships, cause we could all get our fair share of hair this weak end at Poland’s World Sex Championships!! I’m dying to meat the woman who ends up winning the contest to see who can have sex with as many men as possible. Now there’s a lady you can bring home to ma!

– Mark David Chapman was denied parole, again. For him, that’s actually a good thing cause them Lennon fans were gonna hack em into pieces.

– I don’t think I can ride the Log Flume ever again after peeping these sloppy jalopies NSFW action. [via Popbitch]

– Having trouble deciding where to go on that special vacation? Why not try Oklahoma!! Too bad you can no longer learn about their great attractions like Confederate battles re-enacted or the cow manure tossing-a-thon cause they just recalled their tourist brochures. And if the Okieland aint yer cup of tea, you may want to skip out on North Dakota as well. Unless you want to see this crap.

– My boy Guns n’ Rosenthal not only supplied me with this phatty link of Cheney checking out Edwards’ daughter’s tush (Windows Media), but he got (Joe E) Etan Thomas to write a column for his Chez Ghetto Washington Wizards site! The site isn’t ghetto, just the broke a$$ ‘Zards are. I won’t be a fan until they revert back to being the Chez Ghetto Bullets.

– Do you take loud dumps? Sound Princess is here to help!

– If this Scarecrow costume from the new Batman movie is legit, it’ll be the scariest thing I’ve seen on screen since Rosie O’Donnell sported leather with pleasure in Exit To Eden. [via Levittown]

– Jack Osbourne’s gal pal had her implants removed and she give em to him as a gift. He now proudly displays them on his wall! (sorry no picture)

– Duran Duran drops their latest shiny plastic thing that contains music next Twosday and they’ll be making two in-store appearances. Here’s the rub: The first 500 people to purchase the new album beginning Tuesday, 10/12 at 9am (only at the Times Square location and Sunset location) will receive a wristband that guarantees admittance to the in-store signing. Oct 12, NYC – Virgin Times Square @ 6PM AND Oct 15, LA – Virgin Megastore Hollywood 7PM

– Although I always aim to tease AND please, I’m sorry for those of ya searching in vain for Lindsay Lohan not Jewish and linda blair’s masturbating pics from exorcist 1. But if you elect me president, I’ll be sure to get to the bottom of these queries in my first month of office.

– And if you plan on seeing the crap on a stick known as Taxi, you obviously have no taste and gots no bidness being one of my readers. Thank you and good night/morning!