Oscar le Noms

Welcome to one of El Thigh Master’s most flavorite times of the year: Oscar Season. In my book, it’s right up there with the Redskins, Elisha Cuthbert, Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest, and Passover. So this is the first of many posts dedicated to the world’s mos important awards. That’s right, cause all other awards in compare-A$$-on are udderly meaningless. I mean, can you name who won the 1978 Nobel Peace Prize in any category? Didn’t think so, but I Ladell Betts you knew that Annie Hall triumphed over Star Wars @ that year’s ceremony. Anywhozitz, stay tuned for mucho hotness, like our Top Ten of 2004 + the 1st Annual Thighs Wide Movie Awards. And for the first time ever, I’m going to open up my Oscar Pool to the public!!! Details 4thcumming. In the meantime, after taking a super qwik glance at the noms, here’s my predications for who WILL win, not SHOULD win. All in due thyme…

ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE

Don Cheadle – HOTEL RWANDA

Johnny Depp – FINDING NEVERLAND

Leonardo DiCaprio – THE AVIATOR

Clint Eastwood – MILLION DOLLAR BABY

Jamie Foxx – RAY

Winner: Foxxxxxxy brown

ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE

Alan Alda – THE AVIATOR

Thomas Haden Church – SIDEWAYS

Jamie Foxx – COLLATERAL

Morgan Freeman – MILLION DOLLAR BABY

Clive Owen – CLOSER

Winner: Dude from wings. I mean, Sidelays has to win something.

ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE

Annette Bening – BEING JULIA

Catalina Sandino Moreno – MARIA FULL OF GRACE

Imelda Staunton – VERA DRAKE

Hilary Swank – MILLION DOLLAR BABY

Kate Winslet – ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND

Winner: How can anyone knock out the Next Karate Kid? I dunno, but I think Imelda may win in a HUGE upset.

ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE

Cate Blanchett – THE AVIATOR

Laura Linney – KINSEY

Virginia Madsen – SIDEWAYS

Sophie Okonedo – HOTEL RWANDA

Natalie Portman – CLOSER

Winner: Cate ‘Wet’ Blanket

ANIMATED FEATURE FILM

THE INCREDIBLES

SHARK TALE

SHREK 2

Winner: Forking Shark Tale gets a nom? WHAT!@$R$%%^&&!! The Incs to the dome piece!!

ART DIRECTION

THE AVIATOR

FINDING NEVERLAND

LEMONY SNICKET’S A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS

THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA

A VERY LONG ENGAGEMENT

Winner: Lemony’s Snizzle, edging out Shlong Engagement

CINEMATOGRAPHY

THE AVIATOR

HOUSE OF FLYING DAGGERS

THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST

THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA

A VERY LONG ENGAGEMENT

Winner: Howard Hughes: The Borefest

COSTUME DESIGN

THE AVIATOR

FINDING NEVERLAND

LEMONY SNICKET’S A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS

RAY

TROY

Winner: Marty Scorcesese’s Eyebrows

DIRECTING

THE AVIATOR

MILLION DOLLAR BABY

RAY

SIDEWAYS

VERA DRAKE

Winner: Dirty Harry

DOCUMENTARY FEATURE

BORN INTO BROTHELS

THE STORY OF THE WEEPING CAMEL

SUPER SIZE ME

TUPAC: RESURRECTION

TWIST OF FAITH

Winner: Super Jizz Me

DOCUMENTARY SHORT SUBJECT

AUTISM IS A WORLD

THE CHILDREN OF LENINGRADSKY

HARDWOOD

MIGHTY TIMES: THE CHILDREN’S MARCH

SISTER ROSE’S PASSION

Winner: whichever one is about the Holocaust or suffering

FILM EDITING

THE AVIATOR

COLLATERAL

FINDING NEVERLAND

MILLION DOLLAR BABY

RAY

Winner: zzzzzzzzzzz Aviatbore

FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM

AS IT IS IN HEAVEN

THE CHORUS

DOWNFALL

THE SEA INSIDE

YESTERDAY

Winner: Sea Inside, in a sympathy win for not being nominated for any other fizz. WTF????????

MAKEUP

LEMONY SNICKET’S A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS

THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST

THE SEA INSIDE

Winner: Lemony

MUSIC (SCORE)

FINDING NEVERLAND

HARRY POTTER AND THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN

LEMONY SNICKET’S A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS

THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST

THE VILLAGE

Winner: Jesus

MUSIC (SONG)

“Accidentally In Love” – SHREK 2

“Al Otro Lado Del Río” – THE MOTORCYCLE DIARIES

“Believe” – THE POLAR EXPRESS

“Learn To Be Lonely” – THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA

“Look To Your Path (Vois Sur Ton Chemin)” – THE CHORUS

Winner: Phantom Poopie

BEST PICTURE

THE AVIATOR

FINDING NEVERLAND

MILLION DOLLAR BABY

RAY

SIDEWAYS

Winner: Corey Dillon Dollar Baby

SHORT FILM (ANIMATED)

BIRTHDAY BOY

GOPHER BROKE

GUARD DOG

LORENZO

RYAN

Winner: er, um, uh, Lorenzo

SHORT FILM (LIVE ACTION)

EVERYTHING IN THIS COUNTRY MUST

LITTLE TERRORIST

7:35 IN THE MORNING

TWO CARS, ONE NIGHT

WASP

Winner: er, um, uh, Little Terrorist

SOUND EDITING

THE INCREDIBLES

THE POLAR EXPRESS

SPIDER-MAN 2

Winner: The Incs

SOUND MIXING

THE AVIATOR

THE INCREDIBLES

THE POLAR EXPRESS

RAY

SPIDER-MAN 2

Winner: Spidey 2

VISUAL EFFECTS

HARRY POTTER AND THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN

I, ROBOT

SPIDER-MAN 2

Winner: All deserve it, but Spidey 2

WRITING (ADAPTED SCREENPLAY)

BEFORE SUNSET

FINDING NEVERLAND

MILLION DOLLAR BABY

THE MOTORCYCLE DIARIES

SIDEWAYS

Winner: Matt & Kevin Dillon Dollar Baby

WRITING (ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY)

THE AVIATOR

ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND

HOTEL RWANDA

THE INCREDIBLES

VERA DRAKE

Winner: Eternal. C’mom, Hollyweird, where’s the love?