The Guns of Navarone Chaperones

• So tell me again, why do we need guns in this country? Seriously, do u need one? Does it make you feel like a real man? Do you watch too much Deadwood or sumtang? What’s yer effin deal pal? Oh, you pissed at me? Why don’t you come over to my .org and shoot me dead. It’ll solve all yo problems, right? I mean, only COOL people use lead pipes, ropes or other Clue weapons these days (that aren’t the revolver). Don’t bee leave me? Ask my good pal Col Mustard. But don’t you dare ask him why ‘colonel’ isn’t spelt like it sounds, ‘kernel’.

• A diet-coked up Pat O’Brien likes to leave silly voice mails on hot chicks’ cellies. Dude loves to eat a$$ apparently. [NSFW audio via The Dec West]

• Eeeeeesssh, Mishka-Mischa’s sister looks like a microwaved version of the Keds hawkin’ star. But back to more important things, like Barty-Barfon’s NSFW nippies [via The Drunk StepDaddy & The Double V]

• Everyone knows I’m a big fan of freshly-minted 18 year olds, right? Well, guess who’s party I’m crashing on the second Saturday in April at Hiro in the Maritime Hotel, sponsored by Motorola, that includes a live performance by Maroon 5? I’ll give you a hint, she’s always in a hurry and hits yellow balls with great furry. Give up? Click here. And for you my dear, the countdown continues. Boy am I sick. [via NYDN]

• Why gawd why? Not even Gabrielle Union’s crazy/beautiful selfness can save this pointless reimagining.

• Twis it jus me or does the new Weezer song ‘Beverly Hills’ (listen to a clip here) sound like ‘Undone (The Sweater Song)’. I don’t even think the lads are even trying anymore.

• Jessica Simpson Cringes When Watching ‘Newlyweds’… join the club sweetats!

• David Spade, or is it Owen Wilson, has a penis nose? [via The I-Train]

• Graham Coxon to start work on new album, then decorate his bathroom.

• A black woman will be one of 7 peeps playing Bob Dylan in biopic directed by genius Todd Haynes. I guess the times ARE a changin’. [via Made of Brawnski]

• Ricky G will not be ‘BBC’s bitch!‘

• Pulp’s ‘Common People’ illustrated by Gorillaz/Tank Girl guy Jamie Hewlett. [via Attention Baby!]

• How many 5 year-olds could you take on at once? Let the debate begin! [via My Man Markus]

• 4 dolls that scare the crap out of me.

• Ouch! [via Z de la JuicyFruithead]

• Take one guess who said this, ‘I don’t like to complain all the time, but that’s what I do for a living, and I’m lucky because there’s so much to complain about.’ Did you guess right?

• Lass nite, me & Ms Megbot attended the NY premiere of D.E.B.S.. This has got to be the bestestist AND wurstestist plaid-skirted, lesbian crime-fighting flick of all thyme. A full review is 4thcummin (like 23476742389095 others I’ve promised), but in the meantime I wanted to point out how impressed I was with the rotoscoping. Somebody hire this girl, who I hear is a champion fencer as well! And major spanks to the mooovie for reminding me of the beauty and the peach that is Jordana Brewster, who was also in attendance. Had this site been a fully operational Death Star five or so years ago, she might have easily been crowned Her Royal Thighness The I. I guess I’ll have to settle for dreaming about licking honey and brown sugar off of her bushy eyebrows. Yummy-lama-lumma-licous!

Pee es – anyone else out dere find it comical that this year’s 24 is overrun with bit players from many a movies of the past 10 years? I mean, who would have thought that The Mummy would have to kill the mother from House of Sand and Fog only cause she lied to Bowfinger’s accountant/script writer for Chubby Rain, juss to save her son, who played her son in House of Sand and Fog?!?!?!?! I wouldn’t be sirprized if Austin Pendleton (aka ‘That Guy’ in every movie) turns out to be the mastermind beyond this whole terrorist plot.