24 Bauers A Day Keeps The Terrorists At Bay

• So what is Jack Bauer to do NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW, NOOOOOOOOOW that he is a man without a bourne identity, a man without a country, and a man who will probably never ever eat Chinese food again. Tom Wellington, Me, & Mies van der Rohe all think there is only one logical next step: call up Stephen J. Cannell and start up a new A-Team!! Can’t u juss see Jack assuming the role of ‘Hannibal’, Behrooz Araz as ‘BA’, Jude Law as ‘Faceman’, Jack Black as ‘Howling Mad’ Murdock, and Jack’s daughter Kim (you know, ELISHA CUTHBEST) as ‘Triple A’ Amy Amanda Allen, who will only last one season, just like the original character did. Somehow they’d also have to work in Chloe, who returned to her people down in Fraggle Rock, Edgar, who semi-retired to challenge the skills of Takeru Kobayashi, Tony ‘THE MAN’ Almeida, who works for the National Institute of Whispering, and President Palmer, who’s gotz his good hands tied up with Allstate.

• Related #1: But is dearest Her Royal Thighness the II better suited for the mystery female role in MI3?

• Related #2: A-Team Drinking Game

• Trump University. Too bad there aint no courses on ‘Dealing With Bad Hair’, ‘How To Have Beautiful Children Like Me When You Look Like… Me’, and ‘TV & VCR Repair’.

• Me loves it when a star denies a report and then a Brit paper/site reports that as a ‘slam’. Latest: Mischa & Brandon’s splitsville report AND Lohan & her weight.

• Senate centrists agree, Monica Bellucci has some killer knockers [all 3 NSFW]! “Oh…. thank you, Doctor.“

• Madness to strap on their baggy trousers in their house, make a new album, and yes, finally visit our shore sometime in the fall. Or so B-Board claims.

• J-Fo working 9 to 5 again? Seems Dolly Parton and Lily Tomlin are game, but how come no word from The Dabney?

• Somethings are breast left alone, as the crap that they is.

• Wouldn’t want to be at the Knowles’ this T-giving.

• Please be true to your words and leave. Please take those comments back and yer cloths off!

• Charlie’s Dingbats

• Peace the FORK out to the importance of (used to) being Ernest T. Bass AND to a man who was soo grrrrrrrrrrrrrreeaat!

• A bunch o’ Star Werz crap: Two more doses of Fark Photoshop genius (hispecially these: 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5), one set from Worth1000 (HOT), Allah Ackbar, Darth Vader, jerk-ass, and now thief, StoreWars, The Last Supper, B-Wagon Boy reviews Star Wars 6 The Attack of the Sixth, and at least ONE good thing came out of all this: more of our dearest Natalie [via DataW?/EgoMyTastics/JJ/Other Crap]

• No Batdance 2005

• Benicio Del HERO

• Am I a B-List Blogerrebrityiggizillzedydo cause these guys are the #1 Google result for ‘thighs’?

• Juss to be clear, Regynyouth is not Regnyouth

• I heart anything written on Skeet On Mischa

• Albert Hammond, Jr, dropped as a baby

• Tell Uncle Rico that the dream is dead

• While the search continues for the real Cliff Engle, here’s the story behind the Cliff behind the Notes.

• And so castles made of sand fall in the sea, eventually.

• Anyone want some pizza with yer Posh Spice pepperoni? [NSFW]

• Ball Boys, Fat Boys, & Frat Boys [last NSFW]

• Man Leaps From Car to Retrieve Cigarette. Maybe Rooney WAS on to something… or at least he’s on the path to immortality.

• Kiddie Records Weekly

• RentMyDaughter AND RentMySon dot coms? We’ve come a long way since My Buddy & Kid Sister. [via Zach de la Roachclip]

• MK, PHONE HOME!!

• Spinning gold teeth to impress all your friends! [via CEF]

• Demon Days drops today, SON! You must buy it NOWWWW or Jack Bauer will be forced to eat Sesame Chicken in a Chinese jail. I mean, when a band has to choose between Dennis Hopper and J.R. Ewing to guest star on their album, you know that shiz is gonna be off the coat rack AND redonkeylous! And tit tis! NO DOUBT!!!