Holding Court
19. Jul, 2005 
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The Diana Ross & The Supreme Courts of Thighland, consisting of me, her, and Sio, is now in session. First order of bidness: What to do with my Thigh Slave, who hasn’t done shit since he started 3+ months ago? No brianer, I mean brainer, YOU’re fried, I mean fired!! Second order of bidness: How come it’s easier to find Carmen Sandiego than it is to find that fine piece of 80’s movie a$$?? Tabled til next session. Third order of bidness: Who flung poo? Dave Matthews & Co, case closed. And fourth and final order of bidness: Should Thighs branch out into the tee-shirt industry? This decision my friends, is in your hands… + needs 37/59ths approval from the Lower House of Thighs.
• ET 2? Et tu lizzaaame!! I’m still holding out for a different ET flick, one based off of Cheech’s character from Still Smokin’: Eddie Torres: Extra Testicle [via The Hole]
• Fake Katie Holmes shows us her tats [NSFWness via ONTD]
• Magic Mushrooms have been made illegal in the UK. Well, considering that Air Wick hasn’t produced that air freshener since the 80s this really won’t be much of an issue.
• I may have more pubes than Frankie Muniz, but he now officially has more fiancées than me. JERK!
• The Bloc Party continues thru Zeptember. Hit up the always horribilistic Roseland on Zept 9th. Electric Six plug in Zept and Rocktober. Hit up Bowery on Zept 30th.
• Spice Girls reunion? Mel C sez C u in hell to dat idea.
• Merry 75th to Blondie. I don’t think I’ve read more than maybe 2 of your strips, but yer hubbie has a killer sub shop in Bloomington, IN, with sit-down Donkey Kong!! In yer honor, d-lode Blondie’s ‘Rapture’
• Merry 1,000th issue Readers Digest! The only place where people get paid to write jokes worser than the ones found on the inside of Laffy Taffy’s wrappers.
• Westmoreland is more or less forked the peace train outta here AND Fitzgerald goes on the fritz, for good. Girl be my #1 gay sistah!
• Be a Doll and record a new album
• This eggsplains a lot
• Close yours eyes, pretend it’s the 30s, and listen to the radio broadcasts of the Mercury Theatre… hispecially Orson’s well done War of the Worlds
• Maryland is officially a part of the south as Gladys Knight and Ron Winans’s Chicken & Waffles opens up shop Largo [via Daddy ThighMaster]
• Even Pinder loves looking at her boobs
• Eddie Furlong, waiting to exhale [via Hattan Girl]
• The NeverEnding Story‘s Childlike Empress grew up. I wonder if she makes her lovers call her name?
• Gay is the new cereal
• A T-ball coach allegedly paid one of his players $25 to hurt an 8-year-old mentally disabled teammate so he wouldn’t have to put the boy in the game. [via Not Too Shabby]
• What?
• ifuckedanncoulterintheasshard.blogspot.com [via My Man Marv]
• In the ‘How Did I Not Find This Myself’ category: Pictures of famous men with moustaches [via Van Mega Man]
• The Greatest Letter Ever Written to an Airline
• 72% of Welsh men want to make love to Charlotte Church in a car. I juss wanna welch off of her trillions, pour Welch’s Grape Juice all over her plumbolicious body, and read her passages from Lisa Whelchel’s pseudo-blog.
[via Q mag article]
AND THIS JUST IN: Police find body near Charlotte Church!!! No word if grape juice was involved or not!!
