An Inconvenient Screening

The Simpsons Movie
Springfielder’s Choice
Trailers & MOe!

I’m your A-to-Z-typical Simpsons fan. Started watching back in the T Ullman daze, watched about 3 episodes a day in college, and gave up on the show all together a few years back cause I didn’t have time to watch them repeat themselves over an over with humor that was bordering on Woozle Wuzzle proportions. So the ten years too late release of a Simpsons movie had not only my expectations set on low, but my excitement as well, since I’ve been so far removed from this once beloved show from my formative years. But I wouldn’t let my current feelings keep me from the 12:01 am screening this morning with about 10 of my closet Simpsons buds (hell, even the great TSpliff somehow magically appeared from LA 15 minutes before showtime!)

So? The lights goes down, the movie starts, and the laughter never ends DB@BC#VrD(@*!4d33@!2! WHAT THE F&CK!!! WHY IS THE SCREEN BLACK? WHY ARE THE HOUSE LIGHTS TURNING ON? Everyone in the theater is beyond sweaty, beyond tired, beyond filled with p’corn and Reese’s Pieces and beyond thunderdome. Confusion sets in. A czech of the ole cellphone timepiece tells us that it’s 1am, so we’ve probalbly seen at least 50+ minutes of this thing. Damn, I have to pee! Minutes pass, but it seems like an eternity. Hope begins to fade. Then the news comes, and it’s what no one wanted to hear. I heard this lameness before, at least twice, when I saw Ghostbusters II and Luc Besson’s The Messenger: The Story of Joan of Arc. I think they were doing me a favor with G II, but I still would like to know what happens to Milla Jovovich’s 12 year-old body in Joan. As for The Simpsons? No one’s forcing me to see it again, but I mos certainly will, and STAT. How could I not see how this movie ends? From what I saw, it’s exactly what a Simpsons movie should be, and will satisfy the diehards and even peeps like me, the blowhards. But sadly, my experience has been 4eva tainted, and I’ll never be able to fix my first viewing. While I can’t give a definitive grade for this flick, I will mos certainly not ever come to the conclusion that would befit the Comic Book Guy and say, ‘Worst. Movie. Ever.’

Mos Flavorite Simpson Character: Señor Spielbergo

Mos Flavorite Simpson Word: Boo-Urns

Mos Flavorite Simpson Episode: ‘A Star is Burns‘, which oddly enuff includes my mos flavorite Simpson character AND word!

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): N/A•

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…