Donkey Puncher

03. Mar, 2009 0 Comments

reading the word 'vagina' on the internet is the closest he'll ever get to one

the goofiness of Lee Atwater
+ the doucheyness of Elijah Wood
+ too much fuchsia lipstick
= 14-year-old conservative Jonathan Krohn

he's come down with elephantitis at quite a young age

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Movie Reviews

January 23rd, 2020

Eggers Creams

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mo quick hitz! The Lighthouse Bless you Robert Eggers.Â You know how to strike a mood, and give us the heebie jeebies.Â In making a movie about two Lighthouse keepers not keeping sane, you drove us insane, and made quite the pretty picture in the process.Â It felt like watching a full-length, b&w version […]

January 14th, 2020

Rian’s Hopeless

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caught up on a lot of movies.Â no time to devote full diatribes – so quick hitz! Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Skywalker works because it wasn’t The Last Jedi.Â You really screwed the pooch Rian Johnson.Â Can’t blame J.J. for trying to right/write the ship when he was handed a mess and […]

December 16th, 2019

Hair Goes The Neighborhood

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Uncut Gems Sterling, Sharp Official Site | Trailers & Mo R | 134 min This isn’t one of those Adam Sandler movies where he gets hit in the balls for laughs.Â It’s the kind where he gets his balls stomped on. YOU GO SANDLER!!!Â YOU GO GET YOUR BALLS STOMPED ON!!!Â Why don’t you go […]

November 27th, 2019

Ferrie Dust

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The Irishman Unionfellas Official Site | Trailers & Mo R | 210 min There is MUCH to praise about Marty’s latest grand spicy meatball (unbelievable sets and costumes!Â DeNiro is best when he is quiet!Â Pacino is even bester when he’s loud!Â And dancing with women!! Â Tommy The Tit IS the tits!!Â Lums!!!Â that’s what […]

November 20th, 2019

The George Michael Worrywart Machine

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Last Christmas Wham! Bam! Mostly No Thank You Ma’am? Official Site | Trailers & Mo PG-13 | 103 min For 18/19ths of this movie (which I brought an infant in a stroller to!!!Â BEST DAD EVER), I was like, this is worse than a Hallmark Christmas movie!!!!Â THERE’S NOT EVEN A SINGLE GAZEBO IN THIS […]

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November 18th, 2020

Tatooine Desert Fox

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Star Wars is stagnant, but there is a new hope, if only they went down a path that looked more like this… Kalinka Fox

August 26th, 2020

Brazilian Wax Poetic

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Brazilian models pose during the IZOD IndyCar World Championship Sao Paulo Indy 300 race, April 29, 2012

July 27th, 2020

The de Havilland

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104 years was not nearly enough Olivia de Havilland for this world.Â we needed 208.Â miss you tons Olivia de Havilland.Â miss saying your name knowing that you were still with us.Â we will always and forever say your name, and in that way, you will always and forever be with us Olivia de Havilland […]

January 27th, 2020

Former vs Ladder

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Pin Up Models at Miami Fire College by Bunny Yeager, 1955 [GMG]

January 17th, 2020

Bar-ing It All

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I’ll have what she’s not wearing

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March 10th, 2020

Seep Sixteen

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thighs wide is SIXTEEN years shut!!!!!Â (turned sweet 16 on March 8th!) I just don’t know how to quit me.Â do you? (note â€“ each picture below is clickable and will take you to its own magical place) Daphne Zucchini Bread Do Believe The Hyphen Steve Carlton Fisk Orange Crushed Youâ€™ve Reached the Office of […]

February 7th, 2020

The 2019 Thighsmans

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we named theÂ breastest movies of the beastest of the 2019 and now, for the only awards that matterâ€¦ SEXtenth Anal Thighs Wide Movie Awards aka THE THIGHSMANS!!! _ Greatest Righting of A Wrong In A Movie Franchise EVER in The Rise of Skywalker when they like, hey Rose, want to join us on this […]

February 3rd, 2020

Thighs Wide Movies 2019

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Seven 2019 Films That Were More Pitch Perfect Than Jerry Blevins! 1) Midsommar Something wicker man this way comes!!! 2) Ad Astra it space races your heart! 3) Joker apparently never posted a review here, but this will have to do the @jokermovie is easily the best Batman related movie ever made. come for the […]

January 1st, 2020

This Is List â€“ 2020

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there is nothing I look forward to more than compiling our annual goodbye to last year’s trends and hello to this year’s puns. The Washington Post is more professional at this sorta thing, but maybe you’re not into the whole brevity thing… OUT IN Adam Gase’s Gaze – Adam Driver, Driver – TikTok – […]

March 8th, 2019

Fifteen Nifteen

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thighs wide is FIFTEEN years shut – TODAY!!!!!Â (somehow we skipped documenting fourteen, but fourteen is always an odd age)Â we’ve finally gotten our learner’s permit, and let me permit you to see some of the crap we crapped here over the past year of cheers and fears! (note – each picture below is clickable […]

Donkey Puncher

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