Loving Every Minutemen

04. Mar, 2009 4 Comments

Watchmen
Hero Worship That’s Beyond See Worthy
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

An asshole assassin with a love of cigars and beating women (Jeffrey Dean Morgan, that guy, who always plays someone’s dead love interest), a kick-ass sex kitten who mixes bidness with leather (Malin Akerman, YUM), a glowing blue dude with almighty powers and a free hanging shlong (Billy Crudup, and his blue balls), a megalomaniac pretty boy with plenty of pretty toys (Matthew Goode, gayer than Gay comics), a dorky guy with more sexual frustration than a eunuch (Patrick Wilson, he’s almos as hot as Malin!), and a sociopath whose holds barred are no-er than the movie starring Hulk Hogan (Jackie Earle Haley, who could/should get an Oscar nom for this). You and wees know and love them better as the Watchmen, and if you don’t knows and loves thems then you have some serious issues… to catch up on

Well, the wait is finally over and the weight of the world’s expectations on Zack Snyder‘s big screen adaptation of the seminal Alan Moore/Dave Gibbons/John Higgins masterpiece has been lifted, and the result is simply irresistible (be sure to look out for the Robert Palmer ref in the film!). Fanboys and purists will rejoice, newbies will be overwhelmed at first glance, but ultimately converted, and everyone (including you ladies out there) will walk away wanting to bang Silk Spectre II in an Owlmobile, on Mars or anywhere their hearts and farts desire after they witness her fitness (more on her below)

That’s right folks, the Watchmen flick does not disappoint in any way, shape or form… well at least to us it didn’t. While watching, we ran the gamut of emotions, from headshaking disbelief of its faithfulness to the book, to open mouth awe-gaping in amazement at this technical achievement, to full out boners, and not juss for SSII, but for the fact that this could be one of the bestest super hero movies mt EVEREST (can’t hurt when the source material is the knees bees to end all knees bees)

Sure, some of the characters and lil side and back stories and other goodies have been thrown overboard like the pirate in the Tales of the Black Freighter, but we’re not going to complain when this lean 163 minuted version of the film passed like it was 23 minutes long (we welcome the 190 minute director’s cut that we assume will feel like it’s 37 minutes long).

But we are who we is so we will state our minor complaints: no love for the origin of Rorschach’s mask??? the soundtrack was solid, but why leave out the killer tunes from the two trailers (‘The Beginning Is the End Is the Beginning’ by The Smashing Pumpkins [d] ‘Take A Bow’ by Muse [d])?? and thanks for the NSFW Malin stuffs, but no NSFW for her mumsy Carla Gugino? Sure, it woulda come at an awful point in the story, but it’s common knowledge that her sin-citytastic screen body doesn’t deserve clothes!! One complaint you won’t find here is anything to do with the ‘new ending’. Not much has really changed, and whatever has doesn’t affect the outcome and the wallop it packs. There’s actually some nice minor touches added here and there (most are in the montage at the beginning, like showing the Comedian actually plugging JFK, and Ozymandias hanging out at Studio 54 with Ziggy Stardust and the Village People + the 1984 Apple commerical) and they only add to the fun. We could go on an on, but we’re too busy trying to finger out when we’re gonna see it again

Who watches the Watchmen? Hopefully everyone!

Crowning Achivement: it’s been too long (that’s what she said), so we’re doing what mus be done and naming a brand spankin new Her Royal Thighness. meat the sweetest Swedish fish mt vesuvius, Malin Maria Ã…kerman (with or w/o the brunette wig), Her Royal Thighness IX!!!!!

we only have eyes/thighs for u