Heaven Is A Place On Girth

Up
yUp!
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

Can the Pixar people do no wrong? No, they can’t. We don’t even like modern cartoons, but we will always pay to see a Pixar flick (Toy Story being the one to rule them all). People went balls to the wall for last year’s WALL•E, but that was only 1/3rd perfection (when faux E.T. was alone on earth). Up is about 3/5ths perfection, and thus more worthy of any Oscar talk than its predecessor possessed. Why? Cause Up is a triumph of the human spirit, not of the robot one. Sure, the kid is annoying (voiced by Jordan Nagai), and the rare bird and talking Up-dogs are a bit gimmicky (being in 3-D was hactually not gimmicky, and therefore hactually unnecessary), but the old man (Edward Asner) wears his emotions on his sleeve, and while you watch him turn from an Andy Rooney curmudgeon into an Andie MacDowell softie, you’ll probably be wiping tears off of yer own sleeve. The teariest bit of bits comes at the beginning, as we watch him and his wife montagely grow old together. That stretch of the film alone is more Oscar worthy than WALL•E and most films that win Best Picture, and if you don’t think so then you smell like Upyo

DNA-Hole In 1: Carl Fredrickson from UP Totally Looks Like Joe Paterno

so how come you haven’t b-marked TotallyLooksLike.com yets?

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Drag Me To Hell
Drag Thyneself To See This
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

After years of toiling in the mainstream, or perhaps lamestream would be a better word (still can’t get the taste of Spiderman 3 outta our mouths), Sam Raimi (and his brother Ivan) goes back to the well that has treated him and us so… well, and all hell breaks loose, spankfully. And with bigger studio dollars to match his beloved street cred/crud comes Drag Me To Hell, the movie equivalent of riding one of those cheesy Haunted House rides, where the scares are cheap, albeit scary, and outright thighlarious (we couldn’t stop larfing, and didn’t want to stop). DMTH could end up being the moist fun anyone could have in a theater this summer. Of course you have to have the stomach for it, and by it, we mean a crusty old Gypsy woman (Lorna Raver) constantly drooling ooze & pulling the hair and biting the face of the lovely Alison Lohman (the only thing more amazin than her beauty is how perfect a casting choice she was to play a younger version of Jessica Lange in the thighly underrated Big Fish). Along for the thrill ride are her boyfriend (Justin Long, using nothing but Apple products… and we wish were joking), a psychic (purrfectly over the top Dileep Rao), her shyster employer (the always shystery David Paymer) and another mystic (the creepy Adriana Barraza, who is not in fact the housekeeper from The Goonies). DMTH is bestest enjoyed in the company of (this is gonna be racist regardless of how we put it) an über-urban audience, although we were a lil put off by the couple that brought their baby to the theater when we saw it. May they be dragged to hell!!

Totally Got Gyped: the only Gypsy scarier than the one in DMTH is Tina Turner as the Acid Queen in the movie version of the Who’s Tommy

come to think of spit, as a whole, Tommy‘s one of the scariest movies we’ve ever seen

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Up and Hell are currently playing at a theater near jews two movies you have already seen, or should have already seen

and while we got ewe hear, peas watch the trailer for FFCoppola’s Tetro, which opens (and will be reviewed) next week

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…