Acting Up… And Way Down

Law Abiding Citizen
Law(And Everything Else)less
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

If Law Abiding Citizen were released in the lates 60s/early 70s maybe it would have been something special, in a Dirty Harry justice at all costs kinda way, but if you czech yer calendar, you’ll notice it’s 2009, and if you somehow happen to make the mistake of watching this udder hunk of not so modernist junk, you’ll mos likely be czeching your watch over and over, waiting for this wish it was Death Wish revenge fantasy to end

Blame cannot be assessed to director F. Gary Gray, who keeps the punches rolling, a few that will make you jump outta yer seat, but this eye-rolling-a-thon fails largely due in part to the who’s more annoying ham acting between Jamie (should stick to the real life characters) Foxx and Gerard (no ifs, ands or) Butler (although mayor Viola Davis is perhaps the wurstest offender in the thespian dept here), and the man who put all dem putrid words in their mouth, Kurt Wimmer. Wimmer is the pen-man-sinking-ship behind such forgettable duds as Ultraviolet, The Recruit, Equilibrium, Sphere, and will probably get to add the Total Recall why is it being remade remake to that list

And the gist of this mos wonderful story? Butler’s wife and child are murdered, Assistant DA Foxx gets some sorta justice on the perps, but not enuff for Butler’s liking, who ten years later employs his technical stealth know-how to play an overblown game of cat and mouse, killing anyone related to his injustice, all from the comfy confines of a jail cell (yer butter off seeing Bronson, although we don’t really recommend that movie either). So how is he pulling all these strings from behind bars? That answer is the only thing remotely keeping yer eye rolling eyes glued to the film, but how it gets to the answer feels more procedural than an 8th rate CSILaw&OrderNCIS, dressed up with some Dexter splatter patterns. Sounds great, right? Throw in Daniel Simpson Day, the father from The Commitments, Carley Bobby, President Logan, and Regina Hall (someone please give this high-larious Scary Movie scene-stealer some real work), and what you got is… it’s never sunny in Philadelphia. weThinks all peoples who pay to see this should be allowed to make a citizen’s arrest on Wimmer

Magi of The Gif: watching Gerard Butler try to act, and cover up his Scottish accent with an overbitten American one, can be purty painful at times, but without his brand of over the slop topness, one of our mos flavorite animated gifs of balls thyme wouldn’ta been possible

Verdictgo: Slit Yer Eyes Out Repoopulous

LAC opens at a theater near jews this Friday

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…