Time Slows When
You’re Having Bored

In Time
Watch Stop
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 109 min

It doesn’t take much time into Andrew Niccol‘s In Time to tell that it is gonna be a one giiiiiiiiant waste of time.  Crying farking shame, cause this coulda been a better Logan’s Run (beautiful youth, with impending expiration dates), but instead it’s more like a stinkier and more boringing Matrix II & III (super well dressed peoples stuck in a bunch of super super super lame & cheesy sci-fi situations).  URGH!!!  How did the guy who gave us the grand Gattaca deliver us such a steaming piece of crappica?  HOW?!??!?!

Here’s how – think of every pun and cliché that could be derived using the word ‘time’ and any other unit of time measurement and that’s the entire script for In Time.  There’s not enough TIME to explain how stupid this movie is.  But we do have just a few SECONDS to tell you that Cillian Murphy should probably take a TIME out from playing brooding baddies, and that TIME may be running out on Vincent Kartheiser playing weasley dudes that are eggzactly like the weasly dude he is on Mad Men, and that Justin Timberlake and Amanda Seyfried might be nice to look at, but not so much to listen to, since they both seem to have graduated from a two MINUTE acting school.  Let’s CALL IT A DAY and juss say that the only thing that STROKED OUR COCK CLOCK in the whole sha-bang-whimper was Seyfried’s ginger bob, duhvsz

Well Worth Our Time:

Bella Heathcote

+

Sasha Pivovarova

Verdictgo: Slit Your Eyes Out Repoopulous

In Time will soon be out of time and theaters near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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