Enough Said 
The Straight Divorcees 
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 93 min

What if Seinfeld‘s Elaine dated Tony Soprano?  WHAT IF??????????   Keep asking, cause you won’t find that IF in Nicole Holofcener‘s beautifully charming Enough Said, but you kinda find out what would happen if a super-flighty, super-fun Julia Louis-Dreyfus and super adorable, super sweet (FINALLY!) James Gandolfini found love after love with each other 

If the thought of this union isn’t already making your own heart go pitter-patter, than you probably don’t have a heart, or didn’t watch TV in the 90s or 00s.  We hactually teared up a bit towards the end of the film, and even did when we saw the trailer for it the other night.  The trailer tears were induced by the thought of Gandolfini no longer being with us (this is his second to last film ever), but the movie’s tears were truly earned by his and JL-D’s excellent and honest performances  

Naturally JL-D was gonna win our heart, but Gandolfini?  Forever a movie’s heavy heavy, Holofcener lets him go soft, and there’s not nearly gonna be enough said about how great he was in doing so.  This opened our eyes to a new Gandolfini, but this new train aint going nowhere cause there’s no more train to ride.  BOOO TO THE END OF GANDOLFINI SOFT TRAINS.  Oh well, if this is all we have, then this is a delight to cherish over and over  

Co-starring on the fun is Holofcener player Catherine Keener + Toni Collette (allowed to talk Australian) + that guy Ben Falcone + wise beyond their years youngins Tracey Fairaway, Eve Hewson (Bono’s daughter!) and…

Even Better Than The Real ScarJo: 

Tavi Gevinson

Verdictgo:  Jeepers MOS DEF Worth A Peepers

say Enough today in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

coming this fall…

Lindsey Gort as young Samantha Jones on the Carrie Diarrheas

WOWWWWWWWWWSEZERRZSSSZ!!!

coming right now…

me, you and anyone looking at that photo right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!

gort milk?

she reminds me of a young Julie Condra!

I’m So Excited
(Los amantes pasajeros)
Bumpy Ride
Official Website | Trailers & Mo 
R | 90 min

YESSSSSSSSS, another Pedro Almodóvar movie!!!!!  Wouldn’t miss it for the world, especially since Almodó has made some of my moist flavorite movies since the inception of this website.  In that time, we’ve been royally treated to Bad Education, Volver, Broken Embraces, and a movie still giving me the heeeebie jeeeeebies two years later - The Skin I Live In.  He can’t miss, right?  Er, um, uh, uh, uh, apparently he can.  NOOOOO!!!  His sex, drugs and rocky & rolly plane dramedy I’m So Excited is about as exciting as going through customs, and is about as straight and narrow as taking a box of puzzle pieces and throwing them into a second box of puzzle pieces, throwing a feather boa around them, and then giving them the dirtiest, sloppiest blow job.  Er, um, what?  Exactly.  Can’t make heads or tailwinds of what this movie’s suppose to be, but what it isn’t is an Almodóvar winner.  It’s a dud (pains me to say), but still a well spirited one.  If only the movie was 90 minutes of Javier Cámara, Raúl Arévalo & Carlos Areces doing this.  But it’s not.  If only the movie was 90 minutes of Blanca Suárez showering.  Alas, it is also not that.  DRATS

 

Verdictgo:  Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

don’t get too Excited, currently playing in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Frances Ha
Goody Allen
Official Website | Trailers & Mo 
R | 86 min

Bah Frances Ha!!  Stupid title, stupid poster.  What’s with that stupid name?  Or that image from the stupid poster?  Wrong questions

Right questions – How is this film so light and fun, footloose and fancy-free?  Why aren’t all movies in black & white?  Why are most Geta Gerwig performances in Geta Gerwigish flix so so so so awful (even if she’s nekkid in 98% of those films), but this Greta Gerwig performance in this Geta Gerwigish-ish flix is be absolute Greta Gerwigian perfection?  And how can I make that soundtrack the soundtrack of my life?

Oh Noah Baumbach.  Did you juss make yer bestest movie yet?  Perhaps, but it’s hard to say ‘ya’ that Frances Ha is better than yer Squid & The Whale (2nd best film of 2005!!), cause that’s crazy talk, but there’s certainly something about yer Ha les Frances.  Is it cause we know yer in love with Gerwig in real life and it shows in the movie, and in turn, we sorta love her now?  Or that you cast a girl (Sting’s daughter Mickey Sumner) who sorta looks like a female version of you to play her BFF, and making us wish we had a BFF like that?  Or how bout taking Adam Driver, cleaning him up a bit and basically making a B&W and better & way better mo mature version of Girls?  It’s all good stuff, from top to bottom (the snappy editing was snappy!!!) + good usage of a Streep daughter Grace Gummer (no, not Mamie) and that guy Michael Zegen, and this girl that makes us…

Loopy 4 Lupe:

Justine Lupe!!!!

Verdictgo: Jeepers MOS DEF MOS DEF MOS DEF Worth A Peepers

Frances goes Ha currently in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

6 Fast 6 Furious
Resurrection Intersection Erection
Official Website | Trailers & Mo 
PG-13 | 130 min

Dude, name me a movie franchise (BESIDES THE JAMES BONDies) that’s still going pedal to the medal in its 6th round.  NAME ONE????  (OK, maybe Star Trek, but Star Trek had so many duds, and they changed the cast multiple times over).  You can’t name one (OK, maybe the original set of Planet of The Apes movies, which are ALL SO GOOD, even the bad ones), and that’s why The Fast & The Furious series may (end up) be(ing) America’s greatest (dumb fun) movie franchise ever (besides the Jackass and Step Up franchisesezes).  You may laugh at that notion, but not even Star Wars could make fun happen 6 times.  Now I’m not saying that all (or any) of the Fast & Furious movies is are masterpieces (two of em are basically worthless – #3 & #4), but for what they are – they are amazing.  They are pieces of (metal) crap, but the F&F movies know this and feed on it, pushing the ridiculousnessness to new extremes each & every time, while actually trying to keep a straight face when doing so.  The result?   Endless laughter and excitement and awesomeness.  You can keep your Whedon Avengers, cause I’ll stick with Justin Lin‘s 6 Fast 6 Furious.  I’ll take a tank exploding out of a truck(!!!) AND a car exploding out of a giant plane (!!!!!) over Superheros ho-hum/humdrummingly destroying CGI buildings (for the nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn^th time).  + I’ll take all the crummy dialog that goes along with it

So what’s Fast 6 Furious 6 about?  Do you even care?  It’s like 5, but MORE and BETTER, and even more DUMB and FUN.  But this one’s got Michelle Rodriguez BACK FROM THE DEAD!  HOWWW????  WHO CARES, SHE’S BACK AND SO FAST, AND SO FURIOUS!!!  And they got a good baddie (Luke Evans), and another lady who can kick, and has an ass (Gina Carano), and a super huge Danish dude (Kim Kold) who needs to play The Rock‘s friend or nemesis in every movie he’s in going forward.  But 6ast 6urious isn’t perfect.  They coulda trimmed off about 30 minutes from this thing (like what was with that scene where The Rock and Ludacris make some guy give them the clothes off of his back and his watch and stuff??), and The Rock has a little-lot bit TOO much testosterone for a movie that isn’t short of terone des testos, and that Asian guy is so boring and lame, and undeserving of touching or even looking at Gal Gadot, who doesn’t have nearly enuff nekkid shower scenes (total count – zero), but this is all minor quibble squabbles, which aint nothings to squabble quibbles about when THERE ARE VEHICLES EXPLODING OUT OF OTHER VEHICLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In its 6th iteration, the Fast/Furious franchise seems to be hitting its stride.  HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE!??!?  And after the giant TEASE [spoiler, don’t click] they be showing no signs of SLOWING down for #7.  CANNOT WAIT!!!!  In all honesty, I hope they continue to make these movies for the next 100 years.  If I make it to 90 years of age, I’ll force my grandchildren to take me to see 22 Fast 22 Furious, but only if they drive slowly

Also, Tyrese Gibson is the secret weapon of this whole franchise.  Without Tyrese Gibson, you have nothing.  Tyrese Gibson is life.  Tyrese Gibson needs his own vehicle vehicle movie franchise –  Tyrese Tyfurious.  If there is a god, he will make that happen

oh, and THIS!

Verdictgo: this is a 92728 star movie, but we don’t do stars so it’s BEYOND BREAST IN SHOW!!!

6 Fast 6 Furious rules the streets and theaters near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…