Rogue One: A Star Wars Story
Prequel Post-Cool
Official Site| Trailer & Mo
PG-13 | 134 min

The best thing to ever happen to movies is George Lucas creating Star Wars

The best thing to ever happen to Star Wars is Disney becoming its keeper

Two Disney movies in and the franchise is beyond on the right path back to where it needs to be… and galaxies away from the wrong turns Lucas took with his prequels

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story is the prequel the fans have needed and wanted all along.  It’s no stretch to say that it’s better than Episode I thru III combined, times a zillion.  It may be rogue to say so, but I believe Rogue One is a better Star Wars movie than Force Awakens is.  It’s true!  Cause I juss said it!

So why does Rogue One work as a Star Wars movie (more so than the prequels AND Episode VII)?

• Rogue One tries to fit into the Star Wars world, without having to be too bound (and gagged) by it.  There’s no text crawl, no John Williams score, and gasp – there are actual lower-third titles telling us the locations of where we are.  For Star Wars movies to evolve – they need to break from the past, but also celebrate them.  Rogue hits the balance perfectly, and is an excellent kick off right into Episode IV

• There’s not that much Jedi stuff.  Look, we know Star Wars is what it is cause of Skywalkers, and lightsabers and hokey religion things, but after those forced-forcey prequels, and the new Rey & Kylo stuff, we needed a break from it all.  Rogue keeps the Jedi stuff to a minimum, and truly puts the ‘star’s and ‘wars’ back in Star Wars!

• People die – LOTS of them – and we’re not just talking about bad guys.  Gritty is good.  Episode IV was gritty.  Things should try to be more like Episode IV.  Episode VII was cutesy – almost TOO cutesy.  Here’s hoping Episode VIII is grittier!

• It’s OK for Star Wars to be less white.  I know, it seems like overkill trying to OVERLY make your cast a United Colors of Benetton ad, but if your actors are good, then the acting is going to be too.  All the actors cast in the film were great.  EVERYONE (well, I didn’t really like this lady and her role, but it’s probably not her fault cause she didn’t write her own dialog).  Sure, there wasn’t too much time to give the characters actual character, but Ben Mendelsohn, Diego Luna, Mads Mikkelsen, Felicity Jones, Donnie Yen, Riz Ahmed, Jiang Wen, and Forest Whitaker gave it their all, and in turn, I’m all for them!

• Plus, Diego Luna is super hot

• Plus, Ben Mendelsohn is such a good screen a$$hole

• Plus, Mads Mikkelsen is the fcuking best ever!!! (ok, maybe 2nd best ever – juss a tick behind the greatest living actor – Ciarán Hinds)

• Alan Tudyk‘s droid K-2SO is more like A+2SO!!

• Admiral Ackbar Raddus!

• The Death Star never looked better – or more menacing!

• Plain and simple – Rogue One looks AND feels like Star Wars – not some shiny bullsh!t imitation version of it

• Simple and plain – Rogue One was a lot of fcuking fun!

• The nods to the fans & cameos were good, even if most of them were unnecessary, but hey, us fans love being nodded at!  BLUE MILK!

• three words – stormtroopers in paradise!

wait, was there ANYTHING I didn’t like?

yeah – these rebel solider helmets, which don’t look very Star Warsy to me.  but that’s juss me.  maybe you disagree and think this movie was juss ok, or sucked, but maybe you’re juss ok, or suck!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Rogue One for all at a theater near jews and white nationalists

Next stand alone Star Wars story I want to see get made???

BOSSK TO THE FUTURE!!!

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Trumbo
The Brave One
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 124 min

Dalton Trumbo had an awesome name, and an awesome mustache, but his life was far from awesome.  Yeah, the man won two Academy Awards for writing screenplays, but the first one he won – had another writer’s name attached to it instead of his, and his second one had to have a pseudonym on it cause he couldn’t work under his own name.  Ya see – Dalton Trumbo was an unabashed, overly outspoken communist living in America, who loved America – but he lived in a time where being red was scary to others, and so when the House Un-American Activities Committee came calling and wanted him to come name calling, he refused, and so he + 9 others became the Hollywood Ten – blacklisted from working in Hollywood, and living a normal life

Jay Roach‘s Trumbo tells (t)his story.  And (t)his story was actually already told, in doc form, back in 2007 with the eggsalad, and same named Trumbo.  I love docs so much, and would normally tell you that you MUSS see the doc before bothering with the movie (or not bother with the movie at all), but this movie is juss as good at telling the story – even if the movie itself feels like one of those biopic movies made for HBO – you know, a good movie, but nothing highly cinematic

But I had fun watching the mostly downs of Trumbo’s life, cause the cast was having such a hoot hooting along.  There was Helen Mirren being a bitch, Diane Lane being supportive, John Goodman being loud, Louis CK trying to act, Elle Fanning fanning the flames, Alan Tudyk tudyuking, and Michael Stuhlbarg playing Edward G. Robinson!!!  

And then there’s Bryan Cranston.  By the time Breaking Bad was winding down, I grew tired of Bryan Cranston.  This fatigue had less to do with him, and more juss to do with everyone not shutting up about Bryan Cranston, and so my opinion on him started to sour a bit.  I was like, enuff with the Bryan Cranston!!!!!!!!!  But after his trumboniously delicious work as the title character here, I have a full on trumboner for Bryan Cranston again.  And he’s sooooo good with that thick mustache (and smoking) that I think he should shave his head and play Rich Uncle Pennybags in a Monopoly movie!!!

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Trumbo trumbos tonight in NY/LA and elsewhere elsewhen

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

42
Artful Dodgers
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 128 min

42 – the story of Jackie Robinson(‘s first year in the majors) – is exactly like Trouble With The Curve, except 42 is really dang good and Curve is really stupid, and instead of an crotchety old man played by Clint Eastwood, we get an old man who sounds like he’s crotchety played by Harrison Ford, and instead of Justin Timberlake being the würstest wannabe play by play announcer of balls thyme we have John C McGinley eloquently barbing like Red Barber, and instead of Amy Adams looking not hot, cause she’s kinda plain like plain yogurt on a plane, we get Nicole Beharie who makes us want to bat our eyes and bunt our balls, and instead of a bunch of dumb actors playing baseball players, we have Chadwick Boseman totally chad wicking the bose as Jackie Robinson, MAN!!!!  Wait, what am I even talking about?  STEAL SECOND!

42 could have been a cornball flick about a dude who did important stuff, like being the first black dude to play major league baseball in a sea of nuttin but whitey fords, but it wasn’t corny at all (ok, so there was a LIL corny-corny-ness-ness, like when a lil black boy in the grandstands says cheesy corny corny cheesy things, but it’s OK, cause he meant well, and the kid didn’t write the corncheeseball dialog).  And even if Harrison Ford hams it up, wrapped in bacon, it’s his (Branch Rickey) story as well, cause he had the balls to put a black dude with white dudes (like Pee Wee Herman Reeses Pieces Lucas Black!), cause he wanted to win, and he knew that white dudes suck at sports.   It’s true  (apologies to white people).  So Rickey/Ford & Robinson/Boseman take chances on each other, and make giant leaps, and the audience is so hooked, lined, and sinker-balled, that we never want them to land, and when they do, they’re safe at home, cause they scored, and we cheered!!  Go home team!!  Especially the home team with the one black dude and 38832 crappy white players!!

The movie doesn’t take risks, but it still rewards.  Nice work Brian Helgeland, although I’m sure somewhere Spike Lee wants to bat your face in cause yer a white guy doing a movie about Jackie Robinson, but Jackie Robinson is not juss a black story, it’s a black AND white AND read all over story.  It’s a story of us, the US-A.  We’re not perfect, but sports is where we level our playing field.  Are there any other sports puns I can make?  Christopher Meloni balks and talks, and Alan Tudyk clears the benches, by doing the mos thankless acting job in the movie – being really really realy racist to Jackie while he was trying to hit a baseball.  Well, Tudyk’s character and racism STRUCK OUT, cause black, yellow, red and white dudes all play baseball together, and it’s awesome, especially when the Ws are mad curlied

Verdictgo: Jeepers Mos Worth A Peepers

42  adds up at a theater near jews this Friday 

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

This is the original sign-in sheet for the first day of casting for The Office given to me by Allison Jones, our incredible casting agent. I was the very first person to audition for the series, 11/06/03. Notice all the amazing talent on the sheet, including the amazing #13! This is perhaps the greatest Office keepsake I have. So grateful for the best job I will ever have

Rainn ‘Benedict Cumberbatch’ Wilson

Alan Tudyk as Michael Scott???????????

Wreck-It Ralph
8-Bit o’ Honey
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG | 101 min

Wreck-It Ralph may not eggzactly be the gemmiest of the Pixar gems [editor’s note – turns out this ISN’T a Pixar pic, but a straight-up Disney toon!], but I can’t think of another Pixar toon or any toon for that matter that totally & specifically appealed to me and my endless lust of childhood nostalgia.  Sure, Toy Story is the gold standard of such days gone by but never forgottens, but arcades and video games tickle my ye olde fancy much mores so than Mr Potato Head and that Slinky dog could ever (mainly cause Star Wars & GI Joe action figures were my fav toys and they weren’t really allowed to play with Woody & Buzz).  And while the story of Ralph is all over the place AND THE ARCADE, and at times, a bit too much for the eyes, I was STILL totally game for the gaming being gamed!!!!!  It’s true!  Level passed!

And you know how these modern studio cartoons lean heavily on famous actors to voice the characters and it can be REALLLLLLLLY distracting cause you can’t lose yerself in these characters cause all you can hear and think of is the famous person voicing them?  WELL, that is NOT the case with Ralphy as John C Reilly, Jack McBrayer, Jane Lynch and Alan Tudyk (AMAZING!) all disappear behind their 8-bit alter egos with such ease that it’s such easy listening!  And even moist incredible of incredibles is the work that Sarah Silverman done does as the Powerpuffy lil girl Vanellope von Schweetz.  We aint a huge fan of the SS, but NOW WE IS CAUSE SHE SO PERFECT AS THE SWEET AND VICIOUS VANELLOPE WHO MAY LIKE BE ONE OF THE MOST FUN FEMALE DISNEY CHARACTERS SINCE LIKE (Miss Bianca?) EVER!  These are truths!

Plus there’s all kinds of awesome video game cameos, INCLUDING THE TAPPER DUDE FROM TAPPER!!!!!  AND EVEN SOME LOVE FOR THE CONTRA SECRET EXTRA MAN CODE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   But no love for the kid from The Wizard with the Power Glove??????????????????????????????????????????

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Ralph 1-ups itself at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…