Thighs Wide Shut

Transformers: Dark of the Moon
Dark of The Imgination
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 157 min

T-III starts off with sum revisionist history of the moon landing, and it was like Houston, we have an awesome.  Everything after that was a bigger disaster than The Challenger space shuttle.  It’s so stoopid and beyond boring that it is hactually OK to compare it to such an awful tragedy in American history

This sums up everythings:  When Ken Jeong delivers your most ‘credible’ performance, your movie flat out sucks times 388737237739083478378478923767815281506507416561780570641756178657645164375816347856875643756786578134651873657813658761751656756745187651658745165765761756785617856875389389060547967076091780870934788765876586751678561874568765784365

OK, we do have to award 3 small bonus points for the employment of 80s Russian movie guy Elya Baskin, and funny white guys Andrew Daly and Alan Tudyk, but they and we all deserve better than this… anything but this

Never again Bay, NEVER AGAIN

And even if Bay isn’t doing the next one, there will be no next one for we

Michael Bay – Bad With Eye Diarrhea, Good With Eye Candy:

Rosie Huntington-Whiteley

Inna Korobkina

Meredith Monroe

Danielle Fornarelli

Elena Kolpachikova

Jesse ‘World’s Greatest Extra’ Heiman

Verdictgo: Slit Your Eyes Out Repoopulous

III is a giant #2 at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Death At A Funeral
Dwarfed By The Original
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

Did you see Frank Oz’s Death At A Funeral?  If not, then you missed out one of the funniest films we’ve seen over the last decade, and if you know our history with modern comedies, you know we don’t throw around accolades like that very often.  And so, if you haven’t seen it, you must mus mustt musss musssk, especially if yer ever contemplating seeing the blackified remake (directed by white guy Neil LaBute) first

So what’s the difference between the two?  Nothing glaring, cept this capable cast, including Chris Rock (dude loves remakes), Tracy Morgan (more please!), Martin Lawrence (he so cra-zay!) , James Marsden (valiant try, but he’s no Alan Tudyk), Zoë Saldaña (more annoying here than hot), Keith David (not David Keith), Danny Glover (never too old for any shit, including taking one on screen), Luke Wilson (guess there was a break in his AT&T commercial shooting schedule) and Columbus Short (a poor or rich man’s Cuba Gooding Jr?), can’t deliver the funny quite like their British counterparts done did.  Therefore this film is completely unnecessary, herspecially considering that the original only came out 3 years ago.  Peter Dinklage is the only soul who got to reprise his meaty role, and if any goodness can be gleaned from this pointless remake, hopefully it was a big paycheck for a job well done for doing the same job twice

Hall Pass: Regina Hall is beyond thighlarious (see the Scary Movie movies for proof, even if the first two were duds), but we never thought about how fly she was until we started to think about how fly she is!!!!!!!

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Death At A Funeral is currently not as good as the original at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…