American Hustle
Hustle & (Mostly) Blows
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 129 min

American Hustle sorta tells the story of the Abscam FBI sting operation that took place in the late 70s/early 80s. Some of the names (and details) have been changed to protect the imbeciles. Some of it is entertaining, but most of it is like one REALLLLLLLLLLY long run on sentence that keeps on going and going and going.  Director David O Russell and writer Eric Singer swing for Goodfellas-ian heights, but kinda blows it like 2001’s Blow – all 70s scenery, but not much beyond the sniffy, sweaty surface.  But oh, those surfaces…

like…

hey, if you’ve always wanted to see 1/3rd of good-too-shoes Amy Adams‘s boobs (I never wanted to), then this is the boobie/movie for you!

or see Jeremy Renner smile in a movie, for the first time ever!!!

or be depressed watching Bradley Cooper give his all again (this time with curls!!!), and think about how much bullsh!t it was that he didn’t win best actor Oscar last year for the much better Silver Linings Playbook

and then watch his Oscar-winning co-star J-bLaw blah us to death with her blah acting and eyes that bore her and we to tears

or JO to the thought of a mustache ride from Jack Huston!!!

or watch Alessandro Nivola steal the show, in like a grand total of 6 minutes that he’s in the movie

and look, we all LOVE Louis CK and all, but lets face it, he can’t act

THE ARABIC VERSION OF ‘WHITE RABBIT’!!!

but nothing and nobody tops Christian Bale as a combed-over, hairy chested, big gutted Jewish dude, who hides behind those tinted shades OH SOOOOO WELLL.  BALE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Man, CB is such a fcuking great actor.  So much so that I’m starting to think that the Batman movies were a waste of his time.  Anyone can be Batman (I’m sure even Affleck can’t ruin Batman), and since anyone can, we lost the time that Bale coulda been in other movies, like ones were he coulda played some overly intense mother-effer, who’s quietly ready to explode at any given moment.  Bless you Bale.  May you be ready to smolder at any given moment in a zillion movies to come

Verdictgo:  Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Hustle American’t currently at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Howl
Causing An Obscene
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

By nature, poetry is like totally gay.  Even gay people know it.  Even Gaylord Perry knows it.  Even Perry Mason knows it.  Even Mason Crosby Stills & Nash & Young know it!!!  Allen Ginsberg was both gay and a poet, so the dude had his finger way on the pulse, and all over men’s bodies!!  When he wrote his seminal Howl, it not only spoke to the Beat-off Generation, but to many a future generations to come.  Of course not everyone agreed that it could or should be considered a work of written art and thus a court case against its publisher to cease publication went public and pubic words came forth!!!!!!!  Rob Epstein (he made The Times of Harvey Milk doc, which was FARRRR greater than the movie Milk) & Jeffrey Friedman have ventured out to capture the essence of Ginsburg, the meaning of Howl and the fight for free speech, all rolled into one wild bizarre ride to the pharcyde, in crisp black & white, candy-colored color and wondrously stark animation

Their Ginsberg is pan-sexual James Franco, and while he might not look exactly like him or David Cross with a beard, he’s got the sound down, and juss about everything else.  Hell, we wanted to bang him the instant we heard the Howling words spew from his pretty mouth!  The courtroom drama features attorneys Jon Hamm (looks like he juss walked off of one Mad Man set and onto another) & David Strathairn, judge Bob Balaban, and expert literary witnesses Jeff Daniels, Mary-Louise Parker, Alessandro Nivola and Treat Williams, which is by far the weakest part of the triptych, but necessary lessthenone.  As for the animation, that shiz was more moving than Howl’s Moving Castle!!!  Disclaimer:  we’ve never seen Howl’s Moving Castle!  Straight or gay, poetry is here to stay, and Howl will forever have its say!  And now will forever have its sight!  Hip-hip who-Gayyyyyy!!!!!!!!

Is He or Isn’t He?: if you haven’t already warrick dunn so, DO read this NY Mag article on the hard to figure/finger out James Franco

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Howl is currently screaming at the moon in limited release!

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…