Tag Archives: Alien

Thighs Wide Movies 2024

Being a father has given me so much. Although for the first few years of this incredible duty and journey, it robbed me of my once great passion of seeing movies. Alas, I pushed movie-going on my daughter about as early as I could, and now she’s beyond game to go, although we’re not quite ready for a repertory screening of A Clockwork Orange quite yet. I was able to see over ten new movies in 2024, which means I can finally create a list of the “best” that I saw. Enjoy!

10. Harold and The Purple Crayon

This movie made a major mistake by not being a fully animated one, and thus robbing us of the wonder of Harold drawing his way in and out of trouble. Still, Zachary Levi brings a winning goofiness as the boy leaping off the page, who ultimately has to deal with a deliciously devious Jemaine Clement.

9. Alien: Romulus

Rare movie seen without my kid, and not sure how this was the one I choose, but I enjoyed it for what it was, essentially a typical Alien movie where humans never stood a chance. What I particularly liked about this one was seeing Ian Holm’s face again, and the wild facial expressions being expressly expressed by actor David Jonsson.

8. Moana 2

It was basically Moana 1 all over again, although somehow Moana quadrupled the amount of facial expressions she made in the first movie, and somehow tried to outdo Alien: Romulus’ David Jonsson’s manic facial expressions. The highlight of this movie were the songs, and I’m always happy to ask Alexa to play the Rock’s killer track, “Can I Get A Chee Hoo?” A Moana 3 is a no-brainer to happen, but how can they come up with something new when it will probably just be another sea journey to fight some gigantic sea monster? It’s like Harry Potter all over again.

7. Inside Out 2

The writers of the Inside Out movies are so fcuking clever. They really are. All the mind games and brainy puns to use, coupled with excellent voice work of Amy Poehler as Joy trying to tame the insanity of Maya Hawke’s Anxiety. This movie actually ended up being a little too stressful to watch for the whole family, and I’m not sure I believe that Riley would EVER break into her coach’s office. Again, a third installment is a no-brainer, but I’m starting to grow a little tired of the mainly darkened insides of Riley’s mind. Perhaps Joy can spread her wings by escaping into the outside world? Btw — my kid told me I had to go as Embarrassment for Halloween, joining her as Joy, and the Mrs as Disgust.

6. Flow

Might I interest you in a Latvian-animated film with no words? There are almost no words to describe this epic journey of a movie that finds a cat awash in problems, and banding together with other animals to stay afloat. The animation is a bit different than were accustomed to, but the story’s strength of camaraderie for survival has real heart to it. I guess there WERE words to describe it.

5. Mufasa

I think they already made a “live-action” Lion King movie already, and if they did I didn’t see it. I did see Mufasa, and after doing so, it’s easy to say that this is how you make an excellent prequel to a beloved movie. If only George Lucas could have found such depth, adventure, and fun when creating his “Star Wars” prequels. Mufasa is a visual splendor, with the animals’ faces capturing both animal-like motions, and human-like talking and emotions. I just wonder, is anything I saw on screen actually real, or essentially a cartoon made by a computer made to look real. 🤷‍♂️

4. My Penguin Friend

Although he had played assassins in the last, Jean Reno always give them a sympathetic heart that turned into the pulse of the movie. In this movie, he has a broken heart and it’s mended by a lost penguin that takes refuge in his and his wife’s rustic beachy home. The penguin eventually migrates each year, but comes back to visit Reno’s again and again. This movie hit the sweet spot, and is made even better by the fact that it’s based on a too good to be true story!

3. Robot Dreams

It’s the 80s, and a lonely dog finds companionship with a mail-order robot. While some hilarity ensues between the two, a lot of touching melancholy fills the rest of this cartoon’s space in just a super wonderful movie to behold. Like Flow, this one skimps on dialogue, but more than makes up for it by speaking to the viewer emotionally.

2. Wicked

I had never seen the musical “Wicked,” so had zero attachment to it before settling in for 2 hours 45 minutes. Even after laughing at the dumbness of the school being called Shiz University, I was completely captivated by this expanded world of Oz from start to finish. Cynthia Ervo brings real pathos (I hate that word, but alas) to her outcast Elphaba character, but the real star of this is Ariana Grande’s Glinda. The screen loves her, as she gives it her all in every scene, as she acts and sings her guts out, while running and dancing around each magical set. Can’t wait for Wicked 2!

1. Piece by Piece

Lego movies are easy home runs because they contain Legos, and their storytelling possibilities are endless. Telling the story of multi-hyphenate Pharrell Williams’ life in the form of Lego bricks, with help from director Morgan Neville, was not only a stroke of genius, but the greatest movie going experience I engaged in for all of 2024. My kid loved it so much, particularly the McDonald’s sequence, that we saw it twice in theaters. My favorite part — a Lego recreation of the music video for Wreckx-n-Effect’s “Rump Shaker.” Never in my life’s wildest imagination would I ever believe the bikini-clad woman playing a sax on the beach would have ever been Lego-sized. Bless you “Piece by Piece.” Also, the soundtrack is A++++++

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Other thoughts — although it was nice to see the band back together, a second “Beetlejuice” proved unnecessary. Why did they have to suck the life out of Winona’s Lydia Deetz’ character? She was the pulse of the original, and they flatlined her. My daughter prefers the Steve Carell version of “Everybody Wants to Rule the World” from “Despicable Me 4” over the Tears For Fears original. I may actually prefer Jack Black’s “Hit Me Baby (One More Time)” from “Kung Fu Panda 4” over Britney’s original. I give Joe Krysydyzelskkki credit for letting the ideas run rampant in his imaginary friend “IF” flick, but how family friendly is a movie if one parent is dead and the other on their way to being dead? Nice try Jim.

And the worst movie I saw in theaters in 2024 is “Gracie & Pedro: Pets to the Rescue!” While the dog mildly resembled house favorite Skye from Paw Patrol, this movie was a fcuking eyesore. It made the animation in the Dire Straits video for “Money For Nothing” look like Vincent Van Gogh if he ran Pixar. The abso worst!

One final note — blessed to call NY home for so many reasons, and one I’ve always loved is the amount of movie theaters showing repertory screenings. Where else could my daughter see such old delights on the big screen like Sleeping Beauty, Bambi, Aladdin, The Rescuers Down Under, and An American Tail: Fievel Goes West

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Postmetheus

Alien: Covenant
Fassbender²
Official Site | Trailer & Mo
R | 122 min

I returned from 2 weeks away in Italy, and after a night of attempting to reset my biological clock (it didn’t work), the next morning, the only thing I wanted to do (besides laundry) was see the new Alien movie - Alien: Covenant.  But I think I forgot to brush up on Prometheus before seeing it.  Oooops.  Kinda woulda helped!!!

Speaking of Prometheus, why did everyone hate that movie so much?  Cause the humans were dumb and did dumb things?  Well, what would you have done on a planet you’ve never been too????  Also, who wants to see a movie where smart astronauts avoid getting killed?  Aren’t the Alien movies all about watching humans getting killed by aliens in the most horrific ways possible??? And did everyone forget about how scary and captivating the movie was, and how there was an alien in our hero’s body and she c-sectioned the thing the fcuk out of her and it literally was like the most insane thing ever??????????????

Anywho, Covenant is the next prequelish chapter in Ridley Scott‘s continued attempt to properly resurrect the franchise, while raising new big questions, and introducing us to new dumb humans (welcome Billy Crudup!)  Luckily, the smartest ‘man’ in the room remains Michael Fassbender, and… Michael Fassbender.  No spoilers here, but lets just say, double the Fassbender, double the twisted fun!  And while the new crew includes a nice mix of actors from Demián Bichir to Danny McBride (not as comicy reliefy as you’d think), you know this one’s gonna be all about some short-haired lady, who’s probably going to have a high survivability rate – hello Katherine Waterston!!! 

Yes, hello!  Waterston seems to be in everything these days, but I would say any movie where she is wearing clothes, is a failure, cause she can totally be in a movie without clothes [NSFW]

But there’s something about her in Covenant that doesn’t exactly click, and we don’t feel for her, like they way we did for PrometheusNoomi Rapace.  Oh yeah, whatever happened to her?????  And what’s up with the white engineer dudes?  And the black goo?  And this and that?  

Covenant has more to say than Prometheus, but I don’t necessarily think it’s AS good – but remember, I really liked Prometheus (and you probably didn’t).  The day after seeing the new one, I revisited the Prometheus and I like it more now than I ever have!!!  I mean, again, c’mon, the good doctor gives herself a cesarean section and the thing that comes out of it sucks on one of those white engineer dudes and becomes a fcuking insane alien!!!!!  WHAT DO YOU PEOPLE WANT???  There are aliens in this Alien movie, and we sorta now know how they came to be, and how we came to be, and it’s both beautiful and unnerving, and these are prequels making us think – not making itself STINK

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Covenant agrees with you at theater near jews AND white nationalists

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Dude, WHIPLASHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Whiplash
Dude, WHIPLASHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 107 min

Dude, WHIPLASHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It’s like Black Swan, and juss as awesome.  Birdman was like Black Swan, but was not awesome.  Whiplash got hosed at the Oscars.  Probably should have won best picture (since Jodorowsky’s Dune wasn’t even nominated).  Hell, Miles Teller was juss AS amazing as J. K. Simmons was and MT should have been nominated.  Heck, we’ve even had to amend our Best of 2014 list!

Dude, WHIPLASHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It went like this…

whplash toss

whiplash slap

whiplash tempo

whiplash

whiplash bloody fingers

whiplash kick

whiplash tired

whiplash eyes

O M GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

whiplash aliens

Verdictgo: beyond BREAST IN SHOW!!!

Whiplash bangs it on home on BD/DVD/whatever

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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