2013 was a pretty weak year for movies, but life outside of the theater trumped life inside of it (I met the love of my life! and it’s a woman!  so I’m not gay!).  anywho, some movies were still better than garbage, and they is…

The Thirsteen Thirteen

1) Room 237

Shining on some crazy diamonds who put more thought into thinking about the Shining than anyone ever needed.  But once you hear these batshit crazy theories, you cannot unhear these batshit crazy theories, and you may juss go batshit crazy yoself

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2) The Wolf of Wall Street

It’s like Goodfellas and Casino‘s younger, hipper brother

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3) Her

Spike Jonze’ love story digitally penetrates!!

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3) Captain Phillips

Taking hostages on screen AND off!!

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4) All Is Lost

A better silent movie than The Artist

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5) The Great Gatsby

A little party never killed nobody

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6) The Hunt

Mads for Mads Mikkelsen

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7) The Stories We Tell

Do Tell

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8) Salinger

Trashy tabloid junk… that I couldn’t get enough of.  But what about the ‘pee in a jar’ rumors???

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9) My Father and The Man In Black

Cash-ed & carry-on, for the wayward son

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10) Spring Breakers

more of a feeling than a movie, and a dirty one at that, but it inspired us to actually do something with video on the internets!! 

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11) Short Term 12

All Brie, no cheese 

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12) Cutie and The Boxer

Starving for attention artists in residence

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13) Our Nixon

Nixon bindess with pleasure! 

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and now for the…

Honor Blackmanable Mentions

42
The Armstrong Lie
Bettie Page Reveals All
Blue Caprice
Blue Jasmine
Dallas Buyers Club
Enough Said
Fill The Void
Frances Ha
Mandela Long Walk To Freedom
Nebraska
The Past
(first 1/3 of) Place Beyond The Pines
The Reluctant Fundamentalist
Rush
Saving Mr Banks
The Source Family
The Spectacular Now

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wanna second opinion?  future Mrs Thigh Master weighs in!  

(poor girl saw more movies in a theater this past year than probably ever!!!)

Best Movies 

5. Short Term 12

4. The Wolf of Wall Street

3. Dallas Buyers Club

2. Captain Phillips

1. Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom

Runner up –

‘Best’ [meaning WURST] Movies  

5. Inside Llewyn Davis

4. The Book Thief

3. Don Jon

2. Upstream Color

1. I’m So Excited (Los amantes pasajeros)

Runner up –

The Sapphires

our annual anal movie awards – The Thighsmans – drops the week of the Oscars 

until then, here’s the bestest films of yesterhere

2012
2011
2010
2009
2008
2007
2006
2005
2004
2003
& 2002

All Is Lost
A Must SEA II
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 106 min

Dude, there’s this movie about Robert Redford as an unamed guy, who’s like sailing in the Indian Ocean or something, by himself, and one day wakes up on his ship, with his cabin flooded, caused by some shipping container ramming into the ship and bustin a hole into it.  Being an awesome old man at sea, the old man goes about trying to fix what he can, and sail on, trying to get somewhere, anywhere, from the middle of nowhere.  Sh!t happens, more sh!t happens, none of it good, and the man does what he can to survive.  This is what J.C. Chandor‘s All Is Lost is all is lost about.  This is what Life of Pi should have been, but wasn’t, cause it had a tiger, and lots of CGI colory stuff and things and spirituality and stuff.  Redford speaks maybe a single page of dialog in the entire movie, but he acts by doing, and doings he does OH SO WELLLLL!!!  All Is Lost is a better silent film than The Artist was.  Damn, son.  Makes me wish that Redford acted MORE (at least outside of his own movies).  And continues my wishes of never wanting to go sailing EVER!!!!   If it were a true story, it would probably be better than Captain Phillips, but it’s not true, and Captain Phillips is the movie of the year (thus far), but Lost is not far behind.  It’s like the 2nd best film that isn’t about Native American/Holocaust/fake moon landing conspiracy theories of The Shining!!  Oh man, be a man, and set sail on this MUST SEE SEA ADVENTURE!!!!!!!!!!!!  

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Lost is FOUND, currently in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…