Thighs Wide Shut

Robin Hood
The Man Who Hood Be Bilking
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

Yoooooooo! (or in ye olde English, would that be Yooooooooooooe?)  What up with everyone dissin and pissin and eatin Nissin about Ridley Scott/Brian Helgeland‘s totally passable, plausible, and entertaining enuff Robin Hood?  Yes, we all know Russell Crowe is a cockmuffin, and so is that d-bag from Lost, but here they aint d-cockmuffin bags.  As Robin Longstride or Stridelong or Strongbow or Strongcockmuffin and Little John, they fines as they is, and even aints the focus of the entire movie (there’s other stuff, like castles!  and wars!!  and crowns!!! and old chicks dressed like nuns who say things!!!!  and for some reason there are kids in the woods who wear scary masks and steal seeds!!!!)

Sure, RH & LJ and the merry mens aren’t all that merry here, when compared to the ones we all know and humped from any previous incarnation, cause this aint’s a previous incarnation, this is new one!  One that goes all backstory and no frontstory! It’s no mind blowing or arrow splitting shazzle badazzle, but at least it’s realistic (they have beards and sometimes bleed AND sometimes bed chicks OR sleep with dogs)!  It’s like The Tudors (we always have to compare, sorry), but with better actors (Cate Blanchett, Max von Sydow, William Hurt, Danny Huston), but with no boobs (SHIT!!!)!!  And guess what, Mark Strong plays a bad guy!  That’s the smallest shock since a dwarf tried to give a frog a shocker!!! Hollywood, give Mark Strong a vacation from a movie set and our lives!!!

What more do you people want?  Gladiator sucked and this was far more fun than that cause that’s the truth. What, you want Kevin Costner talking about baseball in Sherwood Forest?  Look, all we want is Disney’s Robin Hood put back onto the big screen, but we don’t run Disney, a movie theater, or the world, so that aint happening, but Ridley’s Hood is happening enuffffff!  Well, enuff to tide us over until something that’s both ye olde and mo mammoth comes to a screen near jews, like The Hobbit, or a 3-D version of John Wayne Bobbitt’s life story with theme song by the Bee Gees!!!! [SFW]

Sure Wood: did you ever watch the 80s British series Robin of Sherwood, later starring Sean Connery’s son (and Mia Sara’s one time hubby) Jason? probably not, but it was so 80s good!!!  and the theme song by Clannad kicked nads!!!

Clannad – ‘Robin (The Hooded Man)’ [empeethree]

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Robin is currently gettin medieval in your HOOD

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…