I met my literary hero Kurt Vonnegut last nite. What did you do? Who cares, cause yer probably not even reading this wright now. He rox. You don’t. I don’t. Your mother doesn’t. I would know. She can’t even clean my grundle properly with her tongue. Stoopid bitch. Go read some Vonnegut, cause if you do maybe I’ll Kurt Vonnegut-wit-chu!!
Twats the bestest word that’s been a part of the English vernacular since the ’04, but hasn’t been uddered much at all on our dirty Christian shores? Chav. So what the goldenfiddlestix is a ‘chav’? ‘cordin to the omniscient Wikipedia, ‘chav’ refers to a subcultural stereotype of a person with fashions such as flashy ‘bling’ jewellery and counterfeit designer clothes such as Burberry / Burkley or sportswear, an uneducated, uncultured, impoverished background, a tendency to congregate around places such as fast-food outlets, bus stops, or other shopping areas, and a culture of antisocial behaviour.
In America, these kinda people would be a crossbreed of white trash and, the still whore-able-lee monikered, wiggers. Spankfully mos of the chavs hail from the old country, which automatically makes them more cooler than William H Macy givin Coolio an HJ with ice cubes, although some Americans have been given the label, such as Britney, Christina, and 50 Cent.
So why on earth am I brining up this whole chav crap? Cause if I could be one man and bang one woman from the Queen’s realm, I’d be Mike Skinner of the Streets and I’d do Jennifer Ellison of the big tits. And both of thems are textbook eggzamples of all things chav
‘Fit But You Know It (Alternate Version)’ by the Streets wit Kano, Tinchy Stryder, Don’eo (of So Solid Crew) and Lady Sovereign [d via More Milky Way]
Slightly speaking of Lady Sovereign, she’s chav-tastic to the bone and kicks major glass and major payne. She’ll be at Coachella, Lolla, and fittingly, but don’t you know it, opening for the Streets this summer roberts. What this lil grimester sound like? Peep her myspace space or rock her ‘Hoodie’ [d] or its Mizz Beats remix [d]
You are now exiting chav-land…
Last week we praised Lily Allen for having the world’s greatestist myspace background, but had no idea of two things: one, she’s Keith Allen‘s daughter, and two, her music also kicks major glass, in a softer Lady Sovereignish kinda way. Think Feist, but not as coma enducing. You can hear some of her sweet trax on the space of my or go with the only ones I could find for yer d-ing pleasure, ‘Smile’ [d] & this FAB 50 minute mix thingie featuring her shiz + random shazzle like Dizzie Rascal, Rod Stewart, and some yodeling stossel [d]
Hows comes wees never heard of Scontri stellari oltre la terza dimensione aka Star Crash aka the wurstest spicy Italian Star Wars rip-off to star both David Hasselhoff AND Christopher Plummer? Roll the ugliness
and happy 4/20, to everyone, cept Hitler, who was born on this day. And in your dishonor, here’s some melon del water you fucking anti-semite prick daddy…
And for those of you in the dark (ages), guess what kinda supper Jesus’ last one was? An effin Passover Seder you ignint inquisitioners! That’s why the P-over and the Easter are always so close to each other. Now pray to our media and banks before we kill your first born with C Heston’s hot ass guns!
And now I give to you a random bearded picture of Moses juxtaposed with the always bearded Count Rugen! Why? COUNT RUGEN!!!
Peace the Jek Porkins out to a Pointer, a D12er, and the Oldies format at DC’s WBIG, where I interned one summer, and met the man of my dreams, Tony Kornheiser, who was recently interviewed by Newsday about plains, trains, and the FedEx guy
Gorillaz to put away the sunshine for good in a bag called Las Vegas? And the news gets more unluckier than the number slevin: that rumored ‘dirty’ Blur album aint droppin any time soon yos, ‘cordin to D Albs
By the gay, did you know that Madonna was virtual for 2 full minutes during her ‘duet’ with the Gorillaz at this past year’s Shammys? D-lode the studio version of their mash-up here [d vis ToxicAvenger]
Remember the scene in Summer School where they’re taking their final? (not pictured)
David Wells… do you remember the thumbcredible song that was playing durin it? It was called ‘Mind Over Matter’ and it was fargin sung by Dottie from Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure/Tommy Pickles/so effin bestest EG Dailey. D-lode like the wind, son!!
Add to the list of crap I should buy with my BlogAds money: The GCE Vectrex
The Streets, Cypress Hill, Blackalicious, Lyrics Born, deadboy & the Elephantmen, The Refugee All Stars, and Electric Eel Shock have all been added to the best summer festival that no one’s going to, unless of course you reek of patchouli
We get it, you aren’t returning to Blur, and yer gonna release 153153 more albums before they release their ‘nasty, dirty, filthy rock music’. So Golden Graham, what makes you so great? ‘You’re So Great’, cover by unknown [d]
+ a blag dedicated to nuttin but Blur B-sides, remixez, and live mp3szz
Jen, no one wants to hear or watch you sing, hispecially since yer boobs aren’t predominantly displayed in 98% of yer leggy video
27. Apr, 2006 
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