Eleven Movies From 2018 That Popped My Eyes More Than Lin-Manuel Miranda’s Did in Mary Poppins Returns

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1) Won’t You Be My Neighbor?

Fred, won’t you be our everything?  You were.  And we need you to be again.  How do we bring you back to life???

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2) Eighth Grade

Our Bodies, Ourselfies.  SAIL AWAY!!!

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3) The Rider

From the heartland, this one goes straight for the heart (and it will tear it apart!)

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4) Green Book

Sappy? Yes.  Feel good?  OH so good!!!  It’s the historical buddy movie you never thought you needed!

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5) Three Identical Strangers

Who knew the Boys From Brazil could actually sorta be a reality?

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6) The Wife

A masterclass in acting.  Honored to be in the classroom

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7) Chappaquiddick

Hope doesn’t always float for our most beloved Massholes

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8) Filmworker

Who wouldn’t want to be Stanley Kubrick’s bitch?  Well, on second thought…

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9) American Animals

Fact and fiction blend into wonderful friction!

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10) The Favourite

Accessible Lanthimos, for those who have been seeking it.  Me, I just want more Lanthimos!

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11) At Eternity’s Gate

If they van Gogh it, I will come

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our annual anal movie awards – The Thighsmans – drops the Friday before the Oscars.  stay pooned and thirsty my friends!

until then, here’s the bestest films of yesterhere

2017
2016
2015
2014
2013
2012
2011
2010
2009
2008
2007
2006
2005
2004
2003
& 2002

Chappaquiddick
Sunk Political Aspirations
Official Site | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 101 min

You’ve heard the names Chappaquiddick, Ted Kennedy and Mary Jo Kopechne before, but do you truly KNOW the UNTOLD STORY between those three?  I didn’t either, BUT NOW THE TRUTH CAN BE TOLD!!!  IN MOVIE FORM!

CHAPPAQUIDDICK!!!!!!!!!!!!

And?

Chappaquiddick > Chappaqua

Chappaquiddick > quidditch 

Chappaquiddick > Japaquidbitch (whatever that means)

but fo’realz, this movie has more umph and gusto and infotainment to it in every inch of its being than the snoozefest The Post had in all of its snoozing.  TAKE THAT THE POST!!!  Take your Oscar nominations and shove em up yer a$$!

But I’m a sucker for faux Kennedy accents and novelty teef, and so I was THE target audience to watch Jason Clarke loom large as the Massachusetts Senator done bad and make dumb.  You root for Jason as Ted, and you shake your head at him/them, and then you want to smack him like father Joe does (Bruce Dern, making quite the splash with limited strokes), and then you want hug him, and then you want to shrug him, and then you want to vote for him, and then you want to leave theater cause the movie has ended and there’s nothing left to see, but there was PLENTY to see, including Kate Mara drown, and Ed Helms be effective in a drama (when I didn’t think he could shake his funniness and be serious), and Jim Gaffigan do the same (although he barely has anything to do, and he’s still the biggest waste of CBS Sunday Morning screentime), and Clancy Brown with slicked back McNamara hair!!!

The truth has been told, or whatever truth they claim to be true, and I fell for it, hook, line and sunk-her

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Chappaquiddick doesn’t suck dick at a theater near jews and white nationalists

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…