Thighs Wide Shut

[Мысли анацефала]

Moby’s favorite movies of the last 10 years

Leighton Meester begins work on album, tentatively entitled, Mr Meester

Lost City of Chernobyl

Nuts Presents 100 Topless Movie Babes and Top 10 Oscar Winner Topless Scenes [all NSFW via BoobieBlog & Gorilla Mask]

Top 10 Hasbro Toys We’d Like To See Made Into Movies

10 Extra Large and Extra Cheesy Pizza Ads

Can you find the baby Boo?

Happy St Poopie day!

Sure, we missed the fiesta-tivi-tees-nutz by a week, but it’s never too late to celeBRAte the 20th annie verse airy one of the tres lamestest American things that did a lot of good from ’86 (which occurred a month after the disaster at Chernobyl): the bicoastal-4,125 miled-7 million-peopled human chain, that ran through 17 states, and included the likes of Mary Lou Retton, Coretta Scott King, Mickey Mouse, Rev Billy Graham, Oprah, Prince, Jane Fonda, Kenny Rogers, Brooke Shields, Jerry Seinfeld, and Rappin Ron, aka:

For some reason, unbeknownst to me, my family did not partake. Maybe we were too busy watching Mike Boddicker and the O’s whip up on the Mariners or goin coo-coo for Coco Puffs cause George Brett had his 2,000th hit, or maybe, JUST MAYBE, wees were trying for hours to pronounce the name of newly born António Pinhão Botelho. To this day, I feel like something’s been missing from my life, and this may be it… besides many a H-wood starlets riding my face like it was the Belmont Stakes. So, did any of you participate? If so, did I miss out on anything? Besides the pastability of gettin hand herpes from the person I woulda been linked together with.

Lynxsters for yer sphynxters…

• ABC news looks back
• Many a snap-pulls from the event
• Hands Across America, the VIDEO GAME
which was oddly made 3 years earlier
• Megan, an Akronite who wants to do it again on 7/7/07 at 7pm
• the Ramones’ ‘Hands Across Your Face’ parody
• The Simpsons ref [d]
• and flubvs course, how could we forget the ‘Hands Across America’ theme??? He’s a short clip of the song [d] and here’s one from the music video, which was directed by the same dude who foreva changed a young Stereogum’s life

Stealth
Eddie & The Cruisers Losers
View Trailer

Dearest Thigh Master, may I ask your permission to please ruin this movie for everyone before it’s released? Well, since the movie itself is a bigger ruin than Circus Maximus and I’m asking myself this question the answer is Ernie ELLs YES!! What do you get when you mix the ultra lame cheesy parts of Top Gun, the special effects of TV’s Sliders, the tripodless camerawork of The Blair Witch Project, the deep dialog of Saved By The Bell, with a robot child named ‘Eddie’, which seemed to be a bastard child of the Flight of the Navigator‘s tentacle robot and monotone HAL from 2001? I’ll give you a hint, it contains the word ‘steal’ in it and that’s whatit’ll do to your wallet if you go and see the film that almost made me slit my eyes out more than Be Cool.

And now for the ruining part, cause you really should stay more clear of this film than licking the grass in Chernobyl. So the hot shot trio of Jessica ‘I always look swimingly well in a bathing suit’ Biel, that really annoying Josh Lucas kat, and a fresh from Ray Jamie Foxx, who probably wishes he was in Ray 2: Ray Smacks More Smack Than He Smacks His Women instead of this, are like some kind of important Navy fighter pilot peoples who fly super-crazy hi-tech planes that are like crazy and shit. Then one day, the apple chomping Sam Shepard, who is like a totally jerk chicken arsed version of Top Gun‘s Tom Skerritt, decides to unleash an even morer super-crazyier hi-techier plane that is even morer like crazy and stiz. But this plane, ‘Eddie’, has a mind of its own and pilots itself cause some super genius guy, who is almost less genius than Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2, named Keith Orbit, who lives in Seattle cause I guess sorta smart people live there, designed it that way. Well, the hot shot human trio are more skeptical of ‘Eddie’ than I am of a Vince Vaughn movie. And they have every right to be cause after ‘Eddie’ gets struck by lightning, he does all sorts of out of character things like place perverted phone calls to Dakota Fanning, download every song on the internet (really did happen in the movie, cept he seemed to only like Nu Metal), and shoot things that it shouldn’t, like Asian buildings and Asian people. And what happened to Anthony Edwards’ Nick ‘Goose’ Bradshaw in Top Gun happens to Jamie Foxx’s Henry Purcell in Stealth. That is they boths died in the skied earlyonish in the flick. But unlike Top Gun you don’t really care for any of the characters and you wish they all were obliterated by ‘Eddie’ and The Cruise Missiles. ‘Eddie’ tried his best, on behalf of the audience, to off J Biel, but she jumped ship and parachuted into North Korea (always a good source for movie evil and thirds acts that don’t need to eggsist). She’s then left for dead behind enemy lines by Sam Shepard, who was too busy eating apples and reciting the lines from the trailer. But Josh Lucas kinda likes her cause that’s what the plot wants us to think and he becomes friends with ‘Eddie’ and then they goes to Korea to rescue his bizatch. In the end, ‘Eddie’ kills himself so Josh Pukeas can save his honey comb. Wow, who knew that ‘Eddie’ was such a sweet robot flying plane thing with not so killer tunes from a pointless movie with F+ level effects? I sure wish I didn’t.

Recommended for those who like: diaper rash, BK Chicken Fries, and movies by the director of the first Skulls… not to be confused with the THIRD Skulls

Possible Porno Name: S.T.E.A.L.T.H. Is The New M.I.L.F.

Unsatisfied with this? Of course you are, Netflix Starship Troopers

UPDATE: I think Ebert read my review and stole most of my ideas

Â	There’s a party in my mouth…

Des following links were taken from Popbitch’s mos eggsalad weekly email:

– Ever wanted to see The Exorcist starring cartoon bunnies, in only 30 seconds? Thought so.

– Can anyone be GAYER than these peeps?

– Is this guy a wanker or what?

– Want to buy that thing glowing thing in the dude’s mouth? Click here if you dare.

– I’ve always wanted to visit Chernobyl. Not for their kick-ass beaches and Tetris tournaments, but just to see a real ghost town. This motorcycling chick did all the work for me.

I love George Clooney & Julia Roberts!!

April Fool’s