Thighs Wide Shut

Sully
Winging It
Official Site | Trailer & Mo
PG-13 | 96 min

You know the story – a plane is in mad flying trouble and a mild-mannered pilot with an awesome white mustache lands the plane in the Hudson River with zero casualties.  IT’S THE MIRACLE ON THE HUDSON!!!  (like Moscow Over The Hudson, but less Russian, but in even more of a hurry).  But did you know our dear Captain was questioned after the fact by our government for how he saved lives????  Thanks for doing your job guy, now lets tell you how you did it wrong!!  And did you know that his co-pilot had an equally awesome MUSTache???????

What could have easily been a good Lifetime movie, is an even better Clint Eastwood film (and even better than the fictional downer Flight), even though the conclusion is no surprise, and there’s about 4 minutes of actual story… or so you might think.  Well, every story needs a bad guys, and ours are a bunch of bad white dude investigators from the NTSB.  DAMN YOU!!! YOU ARE EVEN WORSER THAN NKOTB!!!!!

Whatevs, our angel in the sky -  Chesley ‘Sully’ Sullenberger is a fcuking hero above many other fucking awesome heroes, and of course everything’s gonna be alright – CAUSE HOW COULD YOU CONDEMN A MAN WHO SAVED PEOPLE!?!?!??!?  AND DID WE MENTION HIS CO-PILOT (JEFF SKILES) AND HIS CO-AWESOMESZOZ MUSTACHIO???

I know you think it’s funny that Tom Hanks always gets himself into travel trouble in the movies that he’s in, and that we should never travel with him – but that’s the dumbest thing (and meme) I’ve ever heard.  What, you want to travel with handsome dudes like Brad Pitt or George Clooney?  Those dudes don’t stand a chance.  They’d drown cause they’d be too busy combing they’d hairs!!!  Tom Hanks is the captain – now AND forever.  Those other dudes are just pretty window dressing, or aisle dressing, or middle seat dressing, and they’d not really all that good at acting etiher.  It’s hard to sympathize with beauty.  I’m with everyman Hanks, thru thick or thin, staying afloat or sunk as the Cleveland Browns playoff chances.  Hanks for the memories Tom, now and forever.  Fly us to the moon, or to the bottom of the sea, and we’ll come and see it, no matter what your final disaster destination is

Verdictgo:  Breast In Show

Sully soars the unfriendly skies at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…