Thighs Wide Shut

Iron Man 2
Rust Never Sleeps
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

Was Iron Man 1 really that awesomes?  Did we all champion it cause it wasn’t juss another piece of crap released in the summertime?  Maybe we overvalued it cause we had no faith in director Jon Favreau‘s abilities and were simply sirprized that it wasn’t a dud?  Looking back, nothing much comes to mind in the memorable moments department (granite, we only saw it once), but wees all know what made #1 work and why #2 even exists: Robert Downey Jr

Well, RDJr is back in the tin can, and besides Gwyneth Paltrow as the salty Pepper Potts, and the character of Lt. Col. James ‘Rhodey’ Rhodes (now played by Don Cheadle), everyone else is new (Scarlett Johansson and her boobs! Paul Bettany and his voice! Garry Shandling and his smirk! Sam Rockwell and his deplorable characters we want to hate, yet end up loving! + Samuel L. Jackson not chewing up the scenery, for once!), but not much else here is new.  And that’s not necessarily a bad thing.  Since it is a sequel, some ante of course has been upped, even if it didn’t need to be.  The action is more explody, more metallic, and some of it downright mental (the Monte Carlo scene was way badass!!), but the cluttered CGI action is its weakest link

The film, like Tony Stark, starts off a little too sure of itself, yet when he gets knocked down a few pegs by a delicious enuff, but could have been even more delicious Mickey Rourke, and starts his climb back up again, that’s when Iron Man 2 excels into ellent territory… even if the ending was a tad blase fair

Iron Man 2 is right on par with 1:  Favreau and screenwriter Justin Theroux don’t fail Stan Lee’s creations or their audience, it well exceeded our low expectations, it was dang funny and fun, and we’d be happy to see a third one, even if it is more of the same.  They say if it aint baroque, then don’t fix it!  Actually they don’t, but our AP European teacher used that joke and we’ve used it ever since.  Anywho, asking for anything more would require Christopher Nolan and there’s only so many Christopher Nolans to go round

Iron Butterflies: multiple hottttties abound (and gagged)!!!

Helena Mattsson

Katie Cleary

Anya Monzikova

Verdictgo: probably what we should have awarded #1, Jeepers Mos Def Worth A Peepers

Iron pumps it up at a theater near jews tomorrow

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

The Dark Knight
And To All, A GREAT Knight
Trailers & Mo

The Joker is done, finished, as good as dead. He’ll be forever locked away in a movie character Arkham Asylum, until someone dares to break him free again. That’s the only suitable punishment for one of fiction’s mos notorious villains, and it’s all Heath Ledger’s fault. Ledger is so darn deliriously delicious and rightfully spooky as the smeared make-up clown prince of crime that it will take eons for any future Batman movie to foolishly let another actor don that purple suit. Yep, the hype is beyond justified, cause he’s that amazing in the role (although we still have special places in our heart reserved for Cesar Romero’s sinister painted mustache and Jack Nicholson’s comic stylings). Sure, his death adds a layer of gravitas to what has got to be one of the finest performances of the decade, but had he lived, his A-list status card could have never been revoked. Most of us already knew how brilliant of an actor he was, but there were plenty o’ non-believers out there who never took to him like he did to that jean jacket in Brokeback Mountain. If there had to be a going away present, then this was the best possible one to receive. Thank you Heath. You gave and we took and then you were taken away from us all. You will be missed, but never forgotten. Oh wait, this isn’t a Heath Ledger tribute-tary, but a review of Christopher Nolan‘s much anticipated follow-up to his thinking man’s Batman Begins [TWS review]…

Hollywood is currently oversaturated with comic book crimefighters saving the day (and more importantly to the studios, their bottom lines). It’s come to a point where they’re all starting to blend together into one messy pile of capes and crusading (yesh, Iron Man rocked, but that was all because of the casting), and once again, Nolan’s anti-superhero superhero movie saves the day. The Dark Knight plays more like a real movie than a summer blockbuster that it doesn’t even belong to that league of ordinary gentleman. It’s not only superior to Begins, and it may be a bit early to declare such declarations, but it’s certifiably one of the bestest superhero films mt EVERest, which isn’t such a tall task considering how many unFantastic Fourish flicks get released each year. There’s so much going on here with the eight zillion characters (we totally believe in Aaron Eckhart and his face-time), infinite exposition, eggciting explosions, rad gadgetry and other delectable goodies that it’s hard to take it all in and fully appreciate after one single viewing (we totally need to see it in IMAX). There are also more false endings than LOTR: Return of the King, and yet it matters little when watching cause you’ll never want the film to end (it’s like 3 films for the price of 1!). We’re still not huge fans of the un-gothic look of Gotham City (Tim Burton’s finest contribution to the Batman world), but such a complaint seems so lori petty when everything else is, as Harry Osbourne might say, sooooooo gooood

PostHASTEumously: we all know it’s highly likely that Heath Ledger will get a posthumous Academy Award acting nomination next year. if that’s the case, he’ll join the shortlist of others nominees who passed on before the big show that includes Jeanne Eagels (The Letter), James Dean (twice, for East of Eden and Giant), Spencer Tracy (Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner), Ralph Richardson (Greystoke: The Legend of Tarzan, Lord of the Apes), Massimo Troisi (Il Postino) and Peter Finch (Network), who’s the only one of the bunch to win

Alter Ego: Maggie Gynhenahhehahayl, who replaced Katie Holmes as Rachel Dawes, will next step into Franken Berry’s giant pink shoes, in ThighGlass Entetainment’s first feature about as the second biggest icon of General Mills’ monster-themed breakfast cereals (Count Chocula is #1 bizatches!!!)

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Take
Execution of Staying Power
Trailers & Mo

Ana(Minnie Driver, doing that annoying annoying thing she did so poorly in Good Will Hunting)’s life sucks. So does Saul(Jeremy Renner, always solid as a do-bader) ‘s. Ana’s child is annoying and she’s poor and her screen-hubby is Pam’s ex Roy and sh&t stinks. Saul has a crappy job and owes money to some bookies and his dad is nuts or something and things AND stuff. One day, their poopy existences cross paths and things get even poopier. Saul’s looking to get some qwik cash and by accident, kills someone near and dear to Ana’s rattled heart. We know this cause the film keeps shuttling back and forth between the past event and the present, where Saul is awaiting his execution. It’s torture for him, but even more so for us as we’re served a heaping plate of not so mellow melodrama that will make you beg for a lethal injection STAT! But in the very end, the two meet eye to eye, to promote the film’s main message about restorative justice, and all the pain and suffering that came before it is redeemed, for both the characters and its audience… that is if you can even sit around long enough to watch it

Backside Drivers: to hell with mousy Minnie, cause we’re all about her sister KATE!! and did you know that their mum, Gaynor Churchward (née Millington), was their dad’s mistress and that she was a model, although she looks like one of the undead dudes from Beetlejuice or the Jolly Dwarf Beetlejuice? she also published some cookbook with other models, like George Harrison & Eric Clapton’s poon du jor Pattie Boyd

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinking Badges

The Dark Knight is playing at a theater near Jews, while Take kicks it in NY only today

Rental Round-Up Dawg:

Before you get yer theatrical Mulder & Scully on next weekend, you gots to czech out the newly released DVD The X-Files: Revelations. The 2-disc set contains 8 hand-picked eps by Chris Carter and Exec-Proder Frank Spotnitz that are a supposed ‘essential guide’ to their second feature film. Each ep has an introduction explaining why it was chosen for the disc. Hopefully more studios will release sets like these leading up to a small to big screen adventure so we don’t have to see the whole series (even if we should)

You know we’re gonzo about Gonzo: The Life and Work of Dr. Hunter S. Thompson [TWS review], but we mentioned there was another doc out there with what seemed to be bigger and better talking heads (the same ones from Gonzo + the likes of Ed Bradley, Benico del Toro, Harry Dean Stanton, Gary Busey, et al). We gave Buy the Ticket, Take the Ride a look and beyond the grizzly good narration by Nick Nolte, there’s not much here to blog home about, unless yer looking for chat after chat about the two movies based on his life and writings, Where The Buffalo Roam and Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas. Gonzo is required viewing and this one, not so much

Any doc by the Brothers Maysles is probably worth watching. Hopefully you’ve already seen the Stones’ blues in Gimmie Shelter and Jackie O’s crazy cousins in Grey Gardens, and add their fly on the wall of sound and picture feast Salesman, about door to door bible peddlers, to that list as well. Yumm-o!

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

The Prestige & The Fountain
A HUGHe Step In The Right Direction
Pres Trailer & Fout Trailer

Good for Hugh Jackman. After outperforming the usual dreck that he stars in (c’mon peoples, the X-Men movies aren’t all that great… I mean, can you differentiate between the 3 of them?) it seems as if he’s earned the right to pick and choose the directors he wants to work with. And who on earth wouldn’t have Christopher Nolan (The Prestige) and Darren Aronofsky (The Fountain) in their top 5? Last summer he crossed Woody Allen off his list as he did admirable work in his subpar (when only compared to Match Point [review]) Scoop [review], which oddly enuff also involved British magicians AND ScarJo. And with his mos excellent work in Nolan and Aronofsky’s latest pics, Jackman will continue to get his way. Who doesn’t salivate at his teaming-up on Australia with fellow Aussies Nicole Kidman and master Baz Luhrmann, who’s been marty mcsorley missed from cinema ever since his beyond brills Moulin Rouge captivated even Andy Capp back in the ’01?

In the battle of the ’06 magician movies (we won’t even bother includin the Woodman’s Scoop on this war) The Prestige is leaps and gagged and bounds mo better butter than The Illusionist [review], which was by and far the bestest Paul Giamatti film of the year. I mean, how can anyone compete with Batman & Alfred AND The Great White Duke & Smeagol all in one movie? Hell, this puppy is so darn good that I deem it the most re-watchable outta all the Christopher Nolan joints. Yes, even more so than Memento, which had much more thinking involved, but wasn’t nearly as fun as Prestige.

When Brad Pitt, Cate Blanchett and yer 70 million $ budget for yer pet film project about the search for eternal life past, present, and future suddenly vanishes like D.B. Cooper, what is one to do? While most would move on, Aronofsky continued on, and not too shabbily, despite losing 30 or so of dem millions, with Hugh Jackman and his super dope fiancee Rachel Weisz. While most people don’t know the backstory of The Fountain‘s black plagued production, and probably won’t know or care in generations to come, I believe it should be taken into consideration when viewing it. You have to accept and embrace it for what it is instead of what it could have been. Aronof had to compromise his original vision, but the finished project is not a total loss, even if it is a giant mess. The Fountain is a lot like Spielberg’s mammoth undertaking of Kubrick’s unrealized A.I.… it’s seems incomplete, but the filmmaking is so effin gorgeous that I’d rather it eggzist in some form than not all

Unsatisfied with this?: peep Andy Serkis rock out with Tenacious D

Possible Porno Name: The Pressed Teets & The Fountain of Poo

Apt MPupil3: ‘Magic’ [d] by The Cars

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Pres, Breast In Show & Fout, despite its flaws, Jeepers Worth A Peepers

until next thyme, the balcony is clothed…

What the fark is this? Supposedly this is the new batmobile for Christopher Nolan (Memento)’s Batman Begins, which opens in 2005. What does Batman do in this thing? Compete in monster truck rallies? Thanks to Pax-man for the pix.