we loves us some Halloween sluts! who doesn’ts? but nuttin gets our mojo nick goings like FloJo quite like a bitty in the BK lounge dressed up as Alex DeLarge from A Clockwork Orange! not many bizatches have the balls to do it but we’d totally lick Peter Brady’s ho-bag’s testes satchels!
The Princess Bride was released in theaters 20 years ago on this very day. It rawked the his and her-house, and you already know this, so we’ll dispense with the pageantry and get on with the…
FIRST & LAST EVER PRINCESS BRIDE SORTA AWARDS
Finestest Rhymin’ Dog Paddlin’ Brute Squad Member Who Formerly Was Unemployed, In Greenland Fezzik
Biggestest Academy Award Oversight Besides Walter Sobchak Getting ZERO Love only ONE! Oscar nomination which was for Best Original Song Willy De Ville/Mark Knoplfer’s ‘Storybook Love’ [d]
The Mos Memorable Single Word Spoken On Screen Since The Graduate‘s ‘plastics’ ‘Mawage‘ (‘Inconceivable!‘ placed 2nd)
Prince Humperdinck’s Wettest Dream Ex-Wife Susan Sarandon cleansing her breasts with lemons
Lastest Thing I Want To Encounter In A Dark Alley or The Fire Swamps Besides Brian Peppers R.O.U.S.eses
Photochopinest Grandpa Idea Waiting To Be Made Queer As Falk
Mos Accomplisheded Adolescent Mission to see Princess Buttercup (somewhat) naked
The Battle To End All Battles Including Arnaz Battle
The Battle of Wits betwixt Westley & Vizzini
Dopestest Book The Movie Was Based On That You Never Thought To Read William Goldman’s The Princess Bride which includes Inigo & Fezzik’s backstories!!
Truly The Bestest Albino Mt EVERest w/Mouth Sores! The Albino
Equally As Klassic Rob Reiner Flick Made The Year Before! Stand By Me
2007’s Squeeze may not be the same exact line-up of yer older sister’s late 70s/early 80s Squeeze, but I doubt anyone’s losing sleep over Jools Holland’s absence, as long as the core duo of Glenn Tilbrook and Chris Difford are the ones carrying the torch. This is their first tour since the ’99, which is a good thing for me, cause outside of a few of their hits (‘Tempted’, ‘Mussels From A Shell’, & ‘Take Me I’m Yours’), I didn’t really get into them until a few years ago. And from the 20 or so tunes I now know, Squeeze RAWKINly played half of them, leading me to want to discover all the rest. The setlist was similar to the show they played at the Nokia Theater two nights before, with much bestness abound. And the fans? Well, these 45 year-olds were eatin it up. So much so that I got goosebumps when Squeeze ended the first set with ‘Cool For Cats’ and when the band left the stage, the entire place was chanting ‘Ewwwwwwww Ewwwwww Eww’ until they reemerged for the encore
Being one of the world’s fifthmost Clockwork Orange fans, I’ve endlessly heard that Lindsay Anderson’s classic if…. was required viewing. For years I waited for the DVD to be released, and after it finally was, I had to wait another 2 months before Netflix found a copy available to send me. And worth the wait it mos certainly was! Malcolm McDowell‘s feature film debut as a rousing rebel private school student is required viewing for everyone, even if you hate on ACO. You should also czech out the audio commentary with film critic/historian David Robinson and duhvs course McDowell. Cause one shouldn’t go thru life with a bunch of ‘what if….s’
Space Cadet: Sunshine marks the third collaboration between director Boyle and writer Alex Garland. The others were The Beach and 28 Days Later. None too shabby, and I’m sure the next movie he’s writing won’t be either. It’s a lil project called Halo
Byrne Baby Byrne: is there anyone cute-afyin the silver screen any quiter and butter than Queen Amidala impostor RoseByrne? If there is, I don’t even wanna know about tit
John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Breast In Show
+ endless hours of Wii tennis
which gave me a sore arm aka Wiidonitis (soon to be added to WebMD)
+ introducing the gayest movie ever
to a friend not in the know
Sunday
The Bourne Ultimatum Bourne Again (wonder if anyone else came up with sum tang that clever) Trailers & Mo
Although nothing transforms in Bourne 3, I dare you spray that it’s not the popcorn pleaser of the summer. If you double dare me back, you knows I’ll be taking that effin physical challenge so eat it you jerkface or I’ll turn your Marc Summers into the Marc winters of your discontent! Dude, Bourne Ults was outta forkin control. I couldn’t stop saying to meself, how the fizzle did they film and edit this pizzle? The action never seemed to stop, even when Edward R. Murrow kept sayin goodnight and good luck and FBI Chief of Behavioral Science Jack Crawford kept pining for Clarice Starling and Julia Stiles made this face for the humpteenth thyme and Daddy Warbucks tried to buck Bourne in the pooper. Shiz may be called Bourne Ultimatum but with its love from below and above, shiz coulda been called Bourne To Rizock The UlTomatoMeterum
Sprinkle Z Deutsch: Daniel Brühl plays the brother of Franka Potente‘s deceased character Marie. The two German acting dynamos have only been paired up in one movie before, $chlaraffenland
The Grass Is Greener On The Other Side: while Paul Greengrass may be the king of documentary style fictional filmmaking, Barney Greengrass is the king of sturgeon. And regardless of how funny Kevin James is, I will never ever watch an episode of the King of Queens
John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Breast In Show
The Police Giants Stadium (Go Skins!) August 5th
Ever since I was blown away and I blew myself watching Simon & Garfunkel reunited at MSG, I knew had to see any group that I hearted if they decided to ever reform. The Police were juss such a band, and hispecially so since it seemed like they would never get back together cause Sting is a prick and he’s too busy sending his love down a well. Well, the cheeky bastards still gots it, and the show’s setlist, which seems to be the same from city to city, is purrrfectly suited for those Greatest Hits only fans like myself. Now I wouldn’t hexaggactly say that I was blown away (the Squeeze show was actually better) or ready to blow myself or even Jude Law for that matter (OHHHH Jude Law and your juicy cock!), but I’m still glad I saw the show. Now that this reunion is outta the way, I want a police reunion of a whole different medium: Sgt. Joe Friday and Pep Streebeck. Juss the facts ma’am, and juss watch this vid of Hanks and Akroyd rappin to a tune called ‘City of Crime’
the man who gave us 2001 couldn’t even make it to that year, but lettuce not cry over spilt breast milk, so Stanley F%cking Kubrick, we bid you the best, as you turn 79 years mold today!
01. Nov, 2007 
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