Thighs Wide Shut

Â

• Tits official folks, I’ve actually acted with a Tony-award winning actor! Mejor consplatsurelations go out to Dan Fogler for mcnabbing the Best Actor in a Musical Award for his role in The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee! You’ve sure come a long way since working with the likes of myself, Levitticus, Juwanamaker, Tom Wellington, and yes, EVEN CPT FRIGIN LOU ALBANO in the short Coming Soon To Theaters (click for pics). Sorry I didn’t report this yesterday, but things like the Tonys are about as interesting to me as going to a baseball game… like I did over Memorial Day, and it was only a day later that I learned David Wells pitched before my eyes. He did? What’s baseball?

• Simpsons movie frynally moves into pre-productionville. Why does it have to be 2005, and not 1995?

• Christian Bale vs Brandon Routh, the movie EVERYONE’S been waiting for.

• Sequel MADNESS: 36 Candles? Jaws 5-D? 3 Men & A Middle-Aged Hag? And how bout Beetlejuice 2? Lets pray it’s all about Otho!

• feels like whenever I hear news about kevin smith, it’s bad news

• When 2 becomes 1 When 5 join 8. At least that’s butter news than hearing that Posh ‘Looks Awful Naked’

• MTVEatMovies.com (whatever the fork kinda name that is) is attempting to set the world record for popcorn eating. Sadly, I don’t think they’ll be able to top my best of 56 lbs inhaled at my brother’s Bar Mitzvah circa ’85. All I remember was running around chasing balloons, my head spinning, and natch, puking my guts out. [via Made of Brawnstein]

• How I like my Hollywood: Jung, Dumb, and full of Cuthbest [via JJ]

• Last week, we saw the world’s greatestest tennis pic mt EVERest, and this week CityRagdoll was sure we didn’t miss the finesestest Viggo Mort mustache pic this side of Gondor…

• What’s the coolest place on earth? The building that houses Ism, a Grrrrl, and the cooler Frog Brother, Corey Feldman

• If Popeyes is lord, than Super Popeyes is gotta be more supreme than Diana Ross & the Supremes & Supreme Chancellor Palpatine combined!

• Wonder Boy database entry [via J$]

• Names for Pet Rats

• I Hate That Crazy Frog Ringtone

• Is It November?

• And since anyone has a chance of becoming Her Royal Thighness the III, could curvy Batman bitty Harley Quinn possib BLE be the one? I do say, she does rank up there with the hottiest of the hot toon pooners in my book.

• BOO. I now have ZERO radio stations to listen to in the NYC area.

• Lohag wonders why the tabloids care so much about her. And I have to side with my former woman when she sprays, ‘I don’t know why I’m so interesting’. Add skinny, blonde, and gross to that list babe! [via Tom Wellington the I]

• Hollywood marriage I really hope works out: Rachel Weisz & Darren Aronfsky.

• Hollywood marriage I really hope doesn’t work out: Brett Ratner & X-3

• Word has it that the next gen Nintendo, called Revolution, will allow users to download ALL 221 games Nintendo published with the old school NES, SNES and N64 game systems. Here’s the complete list. [via the always kosher Dr Falada]

• Even Liam Gallagher loves ‘Feel Good Inc’

• You Darnerien McCants tell me that this is possibly true: Bjork almost was one of Charlie’s Angels???

• Winnie Coops grows up, but she gots miles to go before she reaches Julie Condraland. Related: Justin’s thumbcredible Kevin Arnold’s Lizadies

• Tara Reid is a ‘skankbot‘

• Cameron Diaz looks whorrible without make-up sez director Danny Boyle. Most women looks whorrible without make-up sez Thigh Master.

• Charlotte Church On Lads And Fags

• B Jaxx to replace Kylie at Glasto

• To Box, Or Not To Box? I eggspect better from you Rooney!

• The Woodward & Bernstein Watergate Papers

• Free screenings abound for the next Vince Vaughn shitcomedy, Wedding Crashers [via Melly Mel]

• Thighspotted wit my own eyes: Hank Azaria wearing a pink ‘Yo! MTV Raps’ tee near Columbus Circle AND Orlando from Strangers w/Candy avec baby round Columbia U.

• A Taiwanese restaurant serves up food in toilets to looks like things you leave in toilets. Did some one say YUM? If you did, you should be hunted down and beaten with 20 lbs of asparagus. Peep a pic of this madness!! [via Made of Brawnstein/A Dude]

• Probably my all time flavorite poster: The Posse

• Who knows if these have been doctored or not, but popular songs played in reverse to reveal secret messages are always fun! [via Guns n’ Rosenthal]

• Mini Organs

• Guess Which Movie

• Thinks they sell a Tie-Fighter desk at Staples? [via Seltzer w/an ‘H’]

• Dress Steve Jobs [via Zach de la Roachclip]

• Buffo, the World’s Strongest Clown [via 1,2,3, look @ Mr. Richie Lee]

• Cuthbert wants Justin Timberlake to sing at her wedding. First off, I didn’t agree to this. Second off, apparently she’s NOT getting married to me. And jerk off, is what I will do right now, regardless if she’s going to marry Trace Ayalabushicala or not. But to be purrrrfectly honest, I’m considering making a move in the House of Thighs. Has Cuthy passed her primer number? What do you all think? Is it Mandy or Mischa’s go? Seppo the Great spanks that Melissa Theuriau, some French news chick who looks one part Posh Spice (the good parts) and one part Virginie Ledoyen, would be spunkfert for the part. I do love NonUsHotties(.8k.com) and French Fries, so this could be a NICE fit.

Peep these lovely galleries for even more frog hotness

• I’ve heard rumors on the internets and thru nia peoples that Bojangles’ fried chicken is better than Popeyes’. I haven’t had the pleasure of trying Bo’s, so I can’t weigh in on this blasphemous propaganda, but it’s safe to say they are both better than KFC (sorry Dodge). Anywho, seems like the Bojangles’ empire are expanding like the waists of their patrons and have even added a few booty assed Maryland locations and one in Brooklyn, so we can soon put all these nasty rumors to rest!! I may actually get my Bo’s breast and thighs on when I’m in NC this tweakend for El Hofbergo/Natanay’s wedding. Man, I haven’t been this eggstatic since word of Fatburger’s invasion of the East Coast! Now if only we could get a Steak ‘n Shake & Waffle House in Times Sq!!!!

• Tom Cruise is officially a public relations nightmare. Watch the Oprah madness again and watch Dane Cook take on the TC madness! [2nd via ONTD]

• How Mark Felt Became ‘Deep Throat’, by Bobby Woodward & Lothrop

• Sorry, but the list should read: Kubrick, Hitchcock, Thigh Master, and Sidney Poitier, who did in fact direct Ghost Dad. And btw, I really REALLY REALLY need that 60 lb Stanley Kubrick Archives book. Take a look inside this wooly mammoth. [last via A-Baby via Me via him]

• Although I’m foaming at the mouth to see Burton’s take on The Choco Factory (I mean, this NEW trailer is off the HOOK like Mc D’s Cpt CROOK!), I do side with Gene when he sez, ‘I don’t see the point of going back and doing it all over again‘

• Mischa, cold hard gyllen’?

• Thats a nice interview with Dan Mazer, Producer of Da Ali G Show

• X-3 minus 2 directors = 1 giant mess

• Wanna see Gabrielle Union & Fischerspooner in the flesh fo free? Too bad you have to go thru Carson Daly to do so.

• June 3rd is free Krispy Kreme Doughnut day! [via JJ]

• Rockstar’s gotta a site up for their 4th cuming Warriors game. I couldn’t imagine a better pairing, besides maybe Dustin Hoffman & Run Lola Man, Tom Tykwer. [1st via Zachk de la Roachclip]

• Swatch the trailer to Keira Knightley’s latest: British & Boring

• Gayden Christensensen, you knows you in trouble when Kevin Smith is defending your honor. [via Cinematical]

• I sure wanna tap dat ass webcam!

• You can ring my BELLE When A Stranger Calls again. YUM!

• What do you get when you mix Fatboy Slim & bouncing boobies? I dunno, but I think my wrist is broken. [NSFW via Monkey Phil]

• Peepage the new vid for Doves’ ‘Snowden’ [Win – Real – QThyme]

• I don’t ask you alls to donate money, cause I’m actually sleeping with a very wealthy man, but who wants to start a Thigh Master Goes to The World Beard and Moustache Championships in the ’05 fund? Cause you know I wanna WAX DAT STACHE!

• Is this a pic of Lohag Version 2.3 looking at Lohag Version HRT the I?

• The MTA is looking for 10K good peeps to sign up for their pilot Subway Service Advisory E-mail Notification program.

• Mandy Moore running for Board of Aldermen in Scott County? Wait a parsec, I thought she wanted to be a croupier cause she was learning how to deal. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

• Gawd I heart u oh dearest Drunkenest NSFW-Father: I am – Kate Moss Topless Photoshoot | I am – A Bathing Ape Ain’t Cool | I am -Jules Asner’s Clit Hood | I am – Big Brother Fat Chick Flashing | I am – Lohan has Cankles….

• If only I were an apple… and I aint talkin bout shitty computers that only designers and idiots adore!

• A Lengthy Explanation of Why This Site Has Utterly Sucked Since, Like, January

• Seriously, does anyone read Wil Wheaton’s blog, or do we all juss link to it?

• Keep an eye on: DestroyAllCelebrities.blogspot.com

• My favorite kinda web sights are always filled with question marks, Sharapova, and only the word ‘Thighs’.

• Ten Most Harmful Books of the 19th and 20th Centuries aka Books I Plan To Read But I Is Too Darn Lazy [via Meta Phil]

• Even in galaxies that are far far away, incest is best! [via DataWHHHHHHHHHAT?]

• You know it’s time to move when…

• Can anyone tell me what the fark is going on in this pic? [via His UMCness the I]

I’m sorry, what was I talking about?

• And SUNDAY @ 11:59PM the polls will close in the 1st EVER CORN ME Photoshop Contest! So VOTE NOW if u don’t think Super Thighs Me is the bee’s fleas.

• ADDDDDDDDDDDDED: Could this be Peabs’ last flazzum? So sayeth it aint so (for the 2nd time)!!

• The above title is actually a ‘memorable quote’ from Kuffs, but this isn’t a post about past Christian Slater eggsaladness and his being arrested by an overweight Guy Ritchie. This all about Russians, who are always in such a dang hurry to do stuff, like LOSE!! Oh Sharalovely, you were THIS close to becoming my thighscort for the 27th Annual Thighsies Award Show this year, but alas, I only like to surround myself with winners, like Bestlisha, who is a champion lawn dart darter and Donkey Congaer (not to be confused with a NSFW Darva Conger). But don’t u dare fret my lil Kamchatka vodka hot-ca bubka baby, cause I gave Pammy Pam a 2nd chance, although she did lose to a child molester, and you have many a summer tournaments coming yer way where you can strut yer stuff and stick balls up yer skirt/win my heart back. And I could never be angry at someone who’s making the world safe again for hot pink (with a lot of help from Trent)! I mean, I haven’t been this pinked out in tennisness since I rocked those Andre Agassi Nike Air Tech Challenge IIeses, back in the ‘8-9. Right peoples? Or were u lucky enuff to own the less gay aqua editions?

• The Old Spice Rack Girls get 86ed from Live 8 cause their music was deemed more fluffier than fluffernutter, but Pink Floyd VOWS that they will play and that his eyebrows will grow back!

• And the Live 8 site, Live8Live.com, went live 8 minutes ago. No word on whether Live will be playing any Live songs live or playing at all.

• Look, I know she’s a low lag, but that’s no reason to Princess Diana her!

• Zzzzzzzz

• Strawberry Fields Foreverclosure! And if you’ve never been to Liverpool, you owe to yerself to get yer a$$ there and go on their very Magical Mystery Tour. Thighs thighly recommends!

• For no apparent reason, The Breakfast Club will reunite for the MTV Movie Awards. And for no apparent reason, MTV will have a Movie Award ceremony.

• WaPo‘s Deep Thrizz blog

• Richard Branson is starting to lose it. Next he’ll start offering trips to YOURANUS!!

• Time after time, girls just wanna have brunch (and cheap rent)

• My mos flavorite gay Canadian band, The Hidden Cameras, is hittin up Mass, Philly, and NYC in mid-July. See you at the Bowery show that’s a day b4 Siren.

• The Foo Fighters have an e-cardy thing for their new song ‘Best of You’.

• My love and faith in Star Wars has been restored. More on this later, but in the meantime, download John Williams’ brills ‘Duel of Fates‘ from Episode I.

• Originality is declared dead as both Dlisted & The Superficial deliver the same joke days apart.

• Poop explores Bitchfork Media’s hating of the 90s

• Justin questions Padme’s new brand of wussyness

• What’s bigger, the boobs or the stretch marks? [via UMC]

• AMC theaters offer up plenty of free kids movies this summer.

• Lettuce play a game: Name That Tune playing behind Conan the Popcorn Maker. There is no prize, but I’m dying to know cause I could listen to it alls day shlong. UPDATE: mystery solved by Thighlander Jangle Cougar Sweets, the song is oddly enuff called ‘Popcorn’. Download it here.

• Yankees fans, eat a dick, but bid on this rare and UMcredible Cliff Engle tee!

• Dennis Rodman to Vie for Wife-Carrying World Championship Title

• Kinda how I see it, but my version had hoop earrings

• Place you’ll never EVER find me after sundown: The Ventriloquist Museum [via CityRagDoll]

• Planet Earth Is Genius, Reason #355687: The Ben & Jerry’s Pint Lock! [via Randy Moss’ old Double Home]

• Redneck Neighbor [via My Man Marvkus]

• If Gawd put a smile upon your face, is Gawd Egotastic this morning?

• HE DID IT!! Brad Rutter, a 27 year-old from Amishville, PA, beat the living fork outta Stormin Mormon Jennings AND that child molestin’ looking guy, and pocketed $2 milliones in the process! But how could I care about such green apple splatters and matters when my dearest Pammy Poo walked away wit nuttin cept the admiration of bloggers everywhere. And by everywhere, I mean right here! Oh well brainiac baby-tasty-cakes, at least we can still sit by the fire and read the almanac, Encyclopedia Britannica, and play Trivial Pursuit. When we get bored with all that learning stuff, we’ll throw on the 1st ever Jeopardy! DVD, rock some of dat A-B repeat action of 80s Alex, avec mustache-a-zoid & sniper glasses, pronouncing some cockyamammy word like ‘mummenschanz‘, while we rub coco butter all over ourselfz til dawn.

We interrupt this Jeopardy! wet daily dream double fantasy for the usual crap I think you nia peoples like…

• Looks like this whole Cuthy and me thang aint gonna work out cause she finds tattoos attractive on men, and I will NEVER ever get one. EVER! Wait, this is Cuthbest I’m talkin bout here. I’d let her spit mircowaved tuna fish into my mouth for shying out proud! OK, maybe I can be convincevaughned into getting ‘Wino Forever‘ on my arm!

• Call him Ismail… Merchant, but whatevski u do, don’t call him, cause HE DIE! Stick a spork in em, he’s peaced out!! And wherever u may be IM, I hope they gave you a room, with a VIEW!!! Is this Howard’s End? NO, it’s your end Merchie!!

• Harry Pothead secrets leaked leakier than the Leaky Cauldron? [via UMC]

• W(h)ATTS?!?!?!?!

• Shitney’s show may get axed cause nobody cares. Shitney who? Don’t dare tell Trent Is The New Messiah!

• Get over yoself Cpt Boring the I! Yous guys are juss a 6th rate Travis, but somehow became more popular than them. And what’s a wonderwall anyway?

• For once, Sly & I see eye to eye of the tiger.

• Damon needs graham crackers, er, um, uh, Graham! And don’t 4get: @ 1pm Damon, Jamie, and Dangermouse of the G-Rizlas will be stopping by the Union Sq Virgin Megastore. Apparently, they’ll be answering questions, signing copies of “Demon Days,” and playing tracks and vid from the album. YUMMY!

• I juss hope that Colin ‘Ricky’ Powell doesn’t have to lie to the UN about his beloved Natties!

• Even though 60 Minutes II is going the way of The Mullets, I still have to ask for the 4,693894,315663,166278,9,90 time, how is Steve Hartman considered television personality?

• The day I’ve been yearnin n’ burnin for since Thighs Wide Day One has frynally arrived: I’ve had the distinct honor of being added to Ms Modern Age’s blog roll (mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, blog ROLL!!)!!! And if you didn’t already know, she was one of my main inspirations and perspirations (besides Jesus, and his blog) for gettin started in da 1st place. Bless you and your awesome-o-licious ways. And whatever you do, don’t TEMP us like you did before!

• Da Da Vinci Code da official WEBSITE!

• Looking to get yer beloved Thigh Mizzle a gift-flizze for Lag B’Omer? See pic on right of two kids wit same name.

• While Peabs is on permanent flobvscation, I’ve turned to Bandwagon Boy for all my politics and prose, and American Idle tidbits!

• Not a big sirprize that the Japanese poster for War of the Worlds features a lil girl in the arms of an older man… which is eggzactly what those freaky bastards love about their hentai porn [NSFPlanet Earth]. And these people think they’re in the ‘Cool Biz’, HA!

• Sorry lizadies, but this is even mo proof why being a man rox the buttox!

• Fresca: The Next Generation [via Sugar, Mr Poon?, which is still, the greatest blog name of malls thyme]

• If Tootsie Roll Industries own Blow Pops (which I never knew), why are they bothering to introduce three new Blow Popesque flavors to their Tootsie Pop line? Whatever u doski, juss don’t ask Mr. Owl!!

• A brief study of Ewan McGregor’s uncle Wedge, sitting in cockpits.

• Do you really care to see a Paris semi-nip slip? [via D’s D]

• Marlon Brando’s GrandDAUGHTER!?!

• Mashups dujor [via the Veeg]

• Own one of the finest Cliff Engle sweaters around… cause I’m too portly to bid on it :(

• I can’t splain why I’ve reported so much Lohag fizz these days, maybe cause I keep reading recockulous things like her possibly starring in a Barbarella remake, but anywayz, I just had a revelation: everyone’s been comparing her to Ann-Margret, but how come no mention of her looking zactly like to Vicki Stubing/the girl from Airplane! who needed a heart?