Thighs Wide Shut

we loves us some Halloween sluts!
who doesn’ts?
but nuttin gets our mojo nick goings like FloJo
quite like a bitty in the BK lounge
dressed up as Alex DeLarge from A Clockwork Orange!
not many bizatches have the balls to do it
but we’d totally lick Peter Brady’s ho-bag’s testes satchels!

[more snaps on AC’s blog]

further heavy breathing: A Clockwork Orgy

Lake of Fire
Abortions For Some, Miniature American Flags For Others?
Trailer

Both exhaustive and exhausting, the documentary Lake of Fire is two and a half eyeopening hours of nothing but abortion show & tell, all put on display in glorious black & white. By tell, we get a nice mixed bag of talking heads, from doctors to scholars to fundamentalists to women from all walks of life, including Ms Roe (v Wade) herself, Norma McCorvey, now a pro-life cheerleader. And by show, I mean we’re gonna get the whole sick and kaboodle, including actual abortions and the fetuses that get aborted. Yeah, this is pretty much the worst date movie ever created. Tony Kaye, whom you may remember as the director who wanted his name removed from his brills American History X, started working on this in the early 90s, and with this issue far from ever being resolved, he coulda kept on filming for centuries to come. This important piece of work doesn’t dare to take a side, and by the end of the film, you may find yourself in the same shoes

A-O Kaye: Kaye has directed several music videos, including Soul Asylums’ ‘Runaway Train’

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Breast In Show

LoF opens today in limited theaters

Into The Wild
Nome Alone Part II
(Part I was The Last Winter)
Trailer & Mo

Upon graduation from Emory University, Christopher McCandless turned his back on society, by shedding his possessions and dumping his family, and trekked his way on up to the last frontier of the Alaskan wilderness, where mother nature would eventually take his life. The best part of the whole story is that Chris was a real person (played with much heart by Cuthbert JOer Emile Hirsch), and that his fascinating adventure of the human spirit received the rich treatment it so rightly deserves, all at the gentle hands of Spicoli, cherry topped with vibrant tunes by Eddie Vedder. There’s a lot to admire about tenderfoot McCandless’ theories on life, but there’s also a lot to despise on his practice of such high ideals. If you ever saw Warner Herzog’s chilling doc Grizzly Man [TWS.org review] you know what I is stalkin bout. And if you didn’t, basically man will always lose out to nature, regardless of how great a person you are. Into The Wild will make you run for the hills, but for once that’s a good thing, since our country’s hills are so effin beautiful

Book Smarts: the book In The Wild is actually an expansion of an article written by the same author Jon Krakauer, entitled Death of an Innocent for Outside Magazine [wikiPOOdia]

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Breast In Show

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Brett Ratner NOT voted greatestistest director of all time

Ewan McGregor agrees, George Lucas is the new Brett Ratner

and apparently George owes this dude’s sister some money… maybe he can pay with Captain Eo movie props!

Zeptember may bypass Rocktober and go straight to November

Ebert’s missing thumbs

Madison’s square garden (read: vagina) gets between Cuthbest and her Ranger

whomever put Hayden Panettiere in that outfit is my hero [UMC]

a doggy do: buy me the Conchords DVD, which hits streets a day before me b-day

a doggy don’t… miss:

Rosamund Pike is soon to be Mrs British Director Who Wears Red Sunglasses

Superman Donovan lets some sunshine in on his take of Weeds‘ ‘Little Boxes’ theme

Paul McCartney totally bags chicks that you’ve probably JOed to, cept maybe Renee Smellweger

Maggie Gyllenhaal Lingerie Pictures Are Not Sexy

20 Big-Time Plot Twists, sadly not including Haute Tension‘s, which is one of the best wurstest ones mt FUJIest

Springfield trying to figure out what to do with ‘the hand’

here lie the two mos pimpinest Alex Trebek pics

[Tim’s TV Thing]

I dunno if this is really Martina Hingis, but I’d totally let her paddle my balls [NSFW]

the single mos important link for any football fan wonderin what awful games will be shown in their household, hispecially if they is not from the area originally (I’m stuck with the Jets AND the Giants for 17 weeks, so please shoot me in the head) [Guns n Rosenthal]

Top 25 Best Selling Video Games Of All Time

classic NES games, dunn up Warrick Lego stizz [Spencer For Hires Root Beer]

Pitchfork Gives Music 6.8

Kewlopolis, the city where all the kewl kids totally rawk out, yo!

MadLibs on the web… be sure to use ‘poopstain’ as a noun

for the last first time, we are not affiliated with Derya’s myspace page or Bill Murray [2nd one from J$]

and lookin for the world’s wurstest mini-games based off one of the world’s wurstest movies ever created by a human being? spanks to Warner Bros, they put all dem Death To Smoochy games in one place!

Elisha Cuthbert may never win an Academy Award (although I’d totally shower her in a mos golden way), but that doesn’t hold back everyone’s mos flavorite Canuck that we’d all like to f%ck from handing in the performance of her career: recounting her recent brush with death in NYC…

Live Free or Die Hard
Fourth & Long (get it?)
Trailer & Mo!

On the poster for the orig Die Hard, the Nakatomi Plaza was on fire. For it’s sequel, Die Harder, it was an airport that was ablaze. And on Vengeance‘s, it was NYC that was going down in flames. So takin a quick peek at LFoDH‘s poster, and seeins that there’s not much of a conflagration tat all, you knew one way or an udder that this wasn’t going to be the usual John McClane (mis)adventure. Hell, without Bruce Willis and the plot unfolding around a holiday, there’s not much here to resemble anything that came before. Sew, for those itchin for some Bonnie Bedelia, William Atherton, Reginald VelJohnson or De’voreaux White (that’s the dude who played Argyle the limo driver) action, yer better off creating your own Die Hard fan fiction, cause the only thing yer gonna get here is a 24-type cyberterrorism jamboree. And that’s not necessarily a bad thang. Despite all the Chloe O’Brianing, there’s still plenty of explosions, one-liners, and one-liners that follow explosions to satisfy all the die hard Die Hard fans. And it’s this balance of the same old with the new & improved that makes LFoDH work. And since baddie Timothy Olyphant was mo menacing in the Cuthbest klassic, The Girl Next Door, all the newness is kept fresh by the Mac guy, Justin Long. I never thought I would say this, but had they not cast Long as the comic reliefin’ computer geek (what a stretch for him, eh?), this film coulda died, hard

Netflux Capacitor: were you wondering where you could see sum more of dat French dude, whose moves are slicker than Jackie Chan’s? Den rent, don’t run to see B13 [trailer|TWS.org review]

Will The Real Lucy McClane Please Stand Up?: the only person who probably has an issue with the hiring of hottie McGee Mary Elizabeth Winstead as Bruce’s daughter Lucy was Taylor Fry, who played her in the original

RIF (Reading if FUNDamental) On Dis: read John Carlin’s ’97 article ‘A Farewell To Arms’, upon which Live Free‘s story is based!

Twats In A Name: ‘Live Free or Die’ is the official state motto of New Hampshire. Dem words were created by American Continental Army General John Stark (no, not that Knick grocery bagger)

It’s Stiller Time: I love me sum great parodiesez, but flying nun tops the bestness that is The Ben Stiller Show‘s Die Hard 12: Die Hungry, co-starring the one, the only, Taylor Negron (dood, u have to czech out his scrapbook!

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…