Thighs Wide Shut

This was not the first time I met a fictional band. That honor was reserved for Spinal Tap, when their DVD was released. Although it was a pleasure to met David St. Hubbins and the gang, I think this session with the Josie & The Pussycats of the 00s was a bit more memorable para mi… probably cause I’d jump Damon Albarn’s bones in a heartbeat, hispecially if Jude & Diego were not available. Anywhozki, along with image maker Jamie Hewlett and soundscaper Dangermouse, the threesome fielded a bunch o’ awful questions from the audience. The only decent info I gathered was that a tour was in the werks, but doesn’t sound like anything comin anythyme soon. Also, there will be another remix type project, ala Laika Come Home, and as previously reported, an afro-beat dealio with Damon and Dangermouse. No word if Penfold is involved or not.

While Damon went out of his way to add two Xs (which = two Pat O’Brien HOT kisses) when givin me his John Hancock, he was a wee bit distracted when we took this picture cause someone told him how yumcredible the ‘United States of NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!’ webthingiemajingie was [speakers ON for dat 1]. I blame you Trent Lottz. I also blame you for making me buy this pink polo.

• What a week it has been FOX’s pin-up toy Logan Marshall Green! First Jack Bauer ALMOST chopped off his legs and threw him into a lava pit when he tried to choke Padame, but he saved himself when he admitted how much he loved cock and how he thinks his TV dad looks like a Kennedy family reject. Then just last night, he was taking it easy with Orange County’s most easiest when all hell broke loose again. Almost as loose as said girl. Seems his brother Rygar wasn’t too fond of his fondling of the hottiest woman in the world named Mischa. Well, lettuce juss say he gots what he deserved as the OCk ended with a BANG! And with 24 peacing its fork out this Monday, I guess its time to bid adieu to the man we call Logan Marshall Trey Richard Heller Green Atwood. You will be missed. And by missed, I mean I’d shit on your house, at the first very first chance I get, like Ronald Miller did to earn respeck on his best friend Kenneth‘s house in Can’t Buy Me Love. If Brian Austin Green couldn’t buddy hacket, how can you?

• Why is women be so darn beautifulski and men are so (Michael) Gross?

• Lohag, still nasty

• Lohag Felicity in MI3?

• Depp to go gonzo again. Last time around was genius… too bad the movie wasn’t.

• Aye ca-WHAT-a, Bart is a mayor?

• Woah, the OG Lebowski Fest mcnabbed They Might Be Giants this year!

• BV skims thru the semi-hard to navigate NYC’s River2River Summer Fest site to give you the best of the best breast of the breast! No confirm on the Fiery Furnabest show… yet.

• Guns ‘NÂ’ Roses Album Update #1,367, and no I didn’t make up that headline!

• The Stripes are in such a hurry this summer. I guess you could call them RUSSIANS! Speaking of my ancestors, why not download Roxette’s greatest hits from one of their fine internets portals!

• Beck loves Cali

• Boring just got bigger!

• Gorillaz brainchildren, Jamie Hewlett and Damon Albarn, will be making the following in-store appearances next week:

May 24 – Newbury Comics, Boston, 7pm
May 25 – Criminal Records, Atlanta, 6pm
May 26 – Virgin Megastore, Union Square NYC, 12-2pm

• Cherish these Steve Hartman reports now, before you see him on the streets pissing on himself and talking to mail boxes.

• Geri ‘Ginger Snatch Spice’ Halliwell’s gig of a lifetime: Blur in the ’95? I knew she was deliscumptious, but I didn’t realize she had good taste too!

• Fooled by Justin/Fubar 2.0/Don’t Link This‘ disappearing act? I was never worried for a second, but me likes the new look, hispecially seein’ Thighs occupy the top link slot. Dare I say, thanks a slot?

• Chewie may pick up his chicks at Cons, but Darth makes his living off em!

• Damn, I was really hoping to sue my 1st grade baseball coach for patting me on the ass as I rounded first base.

• Silent Flute dug up some hot snaps from the 24 season finale. Peeep em here, here, here, and here!

• Unfortunate Star Wars Costumes

• And now for the other OC, the REAL OC: Ocean City, Merryland, where me and the fellers, who attended the 11th best high school in AMORICA (!), will be celebrating the waning freedom days of one Davi Phil El Hofbergo… who oddly enough reminds me of a kindler, gayer (only cause he’s too good in the kitchen), Ryan Atwood. Anywho, did you know that there’s a growing rivalry between the two OCs that no one even knows about??? Either spray, I’m thinking that Misch’s and mine’s love will erase the rift that seperates our two great OCs. I guess we’ll juss have to wait and O’sea.

pink stencil font 4eva!!

Pee es – as you probably gathered, dearest Pammy Pam was not able to come back and beat Mr Mustachio. A sad day indeed. And although she did not win the big monies I still would heavily consider letting her have the honor of taking my super sperm and turning it into super sexy smart and smart-arsed children.

[via The Superfish]
• If only Moby were here to look at us, cause we is beautiful.

• I loves it when there be mad press goings on for things I really love. Last month it was a sea of Cuthbestedness for House of Wax Dat A$$, and now it’s the Gorillaz turn! Not only did we learn that their new tour will once again feature the same impersonal silhouette display they rocked back in the ’02 from B-board, but even the NY Times dropped some scoopage (+ a great pic of Mr Albarn on a bike!) like the Dreamworks feature film is not going to happen and that Danger Mouse will be on board for the next Blur album.

• Speaking of, details of Graham’s next crackers revealed! Hey Coxy, save sum of dem idears for yer former bandmates.

• Can yous bee leave someone ponyed up 7.4 mills to get Destiny’s Child to play their son’s Bar Mitzvah? If yer daddy had a fat bank roll who would you choose to make you Bar/Bat Mitzvah the mos rockinest Jewfest of all? For me, it would have to be the keepers of the keytars, Air. Although I bet it wouldn’t cost to much too get the Fiery Furnaces in general.

• 2B purrrfectlee honest, Andy Rooney is berry umcredible & unrelievable. I mean, I’ve always wanted to hear him say ‘itÂ’s, like, cool, man.’

• New Radiohead Album Out Early 2006?

• I don’t even know who you are anymore.

• Even if Natalie was a bald cancer-stricken-neo-Nazi-lesbian, I’d and you’d still bone her six ways from Saturday.

• First PS3 photo?

• Ladytron & Madness to tour Engerland (not together) this summer, but when the fork are they States bound?

• The Wendy’s missing digit mystery has finally been fingered out.

• R2-D2 hates on C3-PO

• Anybody know this Star Wars character’s name?

• WHAT?!?!?! The only good thing that could possib-lee come out of this is another round of McDonald’s Dick Tracy Crimestopper (scratch-off) Game, which I now will be on the look out for on eBay.

• Speaking of… Nintendo Game + Bad Movie = Pure Entertainment

• Liam Gallagher to star opposite Begbie?

• Trent is The New Messiah was chosen as the NY Post’s 10th entry on their weekly Hot List. I guess the Post doesn’t realize that he’s gay.

• How long can I stay tuned for their next move?

• Anyone looking to buy yer beloved Thigh Mizzle a gift and have $200 to spare? Look no further!!

• Come play with us Danny, for ever and ever and EVER!

• May is National Bike Month! Somebody call Eric Thomann!!

• Classic Car Commercials

• Anyone else going to the Kasabian show at Bowery tonight? I’m flying solo and need someone to rock out with. Look for me sans sunglasses & corn.

• Forgot to mention this last week, but Jeopardy! honey/my future wife, Pam Mueller, won her Elite 18 match against a bunch of social butterflies in the Tournament of Champions. This week she will compete in the Semi-Finals, and get one step closer to takin on dorkmaster Ken Jennings in the final round. My TiVo® pause button, Jergens® & Kleenex® are all ready 2 gogh!

• And a belated 29th burthday wish goes out to UK uber-cutie pie Martine McCutcheon [NSFW]. Boy I sure would like to McTouchen her mar’hiney.

• What, you thought I didn’t go to Coachella? SUCKERS!!!! You fell for the largest post-April Fool’s Day prank since John Kerry was announced as the Democratic Presidential nominee. I was indeed in the hiz-area, but was too busy to attend the actual show cause I spent my time more wisely: maxin’ n’ butt waxin’ round a pool, big gulping frozen margaritas with the blogerati, but mos def importantly, cold hard chillin in a kitchen with my girl Ultrahottie, rockin out in our bikinis and ODing on 21455850032317758 ears of corn on the cob. Some say best Coachella ever. I mean, I had the corn poopies for over 10 days!!

• Live Aid II a go in July? U2, Coldplay, Paul Mc, Oasis, Madonna, Robbie Williams, and Scissor Sisters rumored for the UK part of it and Eminem and The Red Hots in DC! Hopefully that shiz coincides with Sister Thigh Master’s wedding weekend over the 4th.

• Nicole Wants Bigger Boobs

• Dynamic duo Ricky G & Stephen Merchant (who looks like a semi-British version of Peabs, but boviously not as effin beautiful) are returning to their radio roots.

• I didn’t realize that Rachel Bilson and I both shared a dark secret: we were both Subway Sandwich Artists.

• On first listen, it’s awful. But Damon Albarn’s latest is full of buried treasure, says Alexis Petridis. Sorry if you missed the download, cause shiz is HOT!

• Wondering what the helga been going on in with the David Lynch mob? His next joint will be called Inland Empire and stars Laura Dern, Justin Theroux, Harry Dean Stanton, Jeremy Irons and a host of others. YUM. Now for the BUMmer… according to Dugpa.com, Paramount will be pushing back the DVD release of Twin Peaks Season 2 on DVD to Spring 2006. Boourns and 83/37ths!

• El Muerto? More like La Basura (that’s ‘the trash’ for u taco hatersz)!!!

And the man with all the hot links these days, Richie Richard the Lionfarted, drops three beauties on my lap…

• Doctors: Vaginal Cream May Be Harmful For Face

• Six Perfect Sideburns in Five Minutes!

• And in loving memory of Caleb, TV’s mos flavorite arseface, everyone get all crunked up this tweakend and GO bananas !

SUPER BONUS LINK: Finally, one that doesn’t make me want to throw up… Sophie Marceau Boob Slip!!!!

• Have you been following Jeopardy!’s THUMBcredible Tournament of Champions? Probably not cause yer a big fat loser who can only compete with the lame brains that appear on Wheel of Fortune. Anywhozitz, the bizatches they normally have competing on the show are the fattiest of the fat hippo-tot-a-butches. Lizadies that look like yer English teacher in high school who had dem giant John Stossel ‘staches. (I know this is all a bit shallow, but like Stossel would say ‘Gimmie a break’ cause I’ve been watchin this show for EVA) But alas, I think I’ve finally found my Jeopardy! Aphrodite. And Aphro’s real name is Pam Mueller. What’s crizz-azy about this is that my lusting for the Muel goes back to when she cleaned house on 2000’s College Tournament. I thought I’d never see her again and she quickly escaped my mind, til she showed up again on my TiVo a few weeks back in this Ultimate Tourney. Well, the horny-ness-ness is back on full force and I think this love is fo realzz!! Don’t worry folks, she aint Her Royal Thighness material, but mos def a strong Trung candidate to mother my childrenz. She’s not only a super genius, but she’s ultra adorable, well poised, and currently resides in the DC area. All major pluses in my book. And I bet it’s safe to say she loves corn and going to the movies. So peeps, be sure to root on my dearest Pammy as she tackles a bunch of super dorks in the Elite 18. I mean, who’d u rather see collages of, Ken Jennings, or Perfect Pam? [Note: I know those pics SUCK, but there aint many a Pam Mueller pics tearin up dem internets]

• XtraGoogle, the mp3 search engine we’ve all been waitin for! [via Double Whopper w/Vikes]

• Waitin for the big guys to write about Coachella? Well, have fun waitin, cause shiz takes foreverski to write about. Bee leave u a me, I almost had to quit my day job last ano juss to wrap up last year’s festives! In the meantime, I suggest you peep out Central Village‘s musings and Arcade Fire masturbation piece. Also I got a real kick out of World Wide Wang’s review. Here’s a snippet that made me laff more than a whip-it:

We again left early for some experimental band called Bloc Party. I’m not sure what exactly to call them, but they seemed to be a new wave of British punk-pop that will be the big thing in a few years. Mr. Starfizzy with his infinite knowledge of British rock, explained to me that they are the new catchy thing.

• Is there anything better than a wet Yessica Alba?

• Colbert = ColBEST!

• Damon Albarn To Record Album With Val Kilmer?

• Orlando Bloom is like the Puff Daddy of England. I hear he’s gonna start a pointless t-shirt co called ‘Voteth Or I’ll Star In Another Movie That Takes Place Before the 19th Century’! Related: Subservient Blair

• No one can turn nothing into something like the great Srunken Deppfather! FYI: his content is usually NSFW. His ads are mos farfelly NOT SAFE FOR EYEBALLS!

• So at my 10 year reunion, should I just walk around sportin’ sunglasses and corn? Rocket Pride Rocket Power!

• Finally there’s a reason for me to join the army. [via The Barrister]

• How much tzatziki sauce do you thinks the Gyro Captain consumes in a day?

• I don’t think it’s fair that Saturn has 46 moons and we have only 1. Sure, we have hot ass babes, but where does that really get us?

• Wanna see J-Lo lock horns with J-Fo fo free? [via Melly Mel]

• If u ever want a girl to bone u, buy her this. [via Verbose Semicoma]

• My Favorite Word. Mine? Grundlicious!

• Seriously, what is wrong with her eyes?!? That look is so 69 B.C.!!