Ellie Kemper, Princeton Field Hockey Team member, 1998

21 Jump Street
They Got The Beat, Street
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 109 min

21 Jump Street the movie defied the following odds…

a) its trailer was horrible

b) aside from The Fugitive, Dragnet, The Brady Bunch, The Addams Family and The Untouchables, old TV shows rebooted to feature films suck

c) if it’s the 21st century and Ice Cube is in your movie, it’s probably not funny

How it bypassed all of these roadblocks is kinda a modern day movie miracle.  And on top of all that, it’s the most laugh out loud-able film we’ve seen since Jackass 3-D, but if yer talking actual scripted comedies, then it would be the laughiest riot laugh since 2008’s Step Brothers, but it’s better than Step Brothers, so we’d have to definitely say that 21 Jump Street is the funniest f$%king movie we’ve seen since the 2007 original version of Death At A Funeral!!!!!!  That’s right, yo, it’s taken 5 years to make us laugh that hard again.  You know we’re tough on comedy, but it’s a tough love.  No easy laughs, although we do love slapstick humor, which is kinda the easiest laugh giver of givers.  Anywho, take this paragraph for it’s worth, and that worth is that 21 Jump Street is comedy gold, and will probably end up as one of our favorites of 2012… and it’s only March.  WOW

Credit all involved, from the directors (hot buttery action from bottom to top by Phil Lord & Chris Miller), to the writers (Michael Bacall, who just gave us the crizzazzy Project X, with help from Jonah Hill, giving us the winkiest eye wink that will make you want to wink right back) and to the actors (Hill again, in silly straight man skinny mode, plus playing against type Channing Tatum, playing against type, and the aforementioned usually unfunny Ice Cube being funny, and Rob Riggle, who is also usually not funny also being funny, and Chris Parnell, who is criminally funny, being criminally funny, and it’s a crime in general that he doesn’t work more, cause he’s one of SNL’s best alumnuts, EVER, and a guy who looks exactly like a mini-James Franco cause he is a mini-James Franco, cause he is James Franco’s brother Dave Franco + some slices of Ellie Kemper & Nick Offerman, and finally Brie Larson, who you’ll instantly fall in love with, if you weren’t already, and who’s future’s so bright that she’d put Ray-Ban out of bidness)

So what more do you need to know?  Plot?  There is one.  A very decent enuff one that supports the rest of the funny bidness from becoming udder malarkey bidness

moral of the story – they made a movie out of a TV show that didn’t need a movie, and even if it’s barely sorta like the TV show, it’s better than the TV show, and better than any TV show that was turned into a movie since The Brady Bunch!  BAM!!!!

Fanning Over Dakota: Jess Weixler is fine and all, but we recommend you upgrade to the similiarish looking…

Dakota Johnson

and know who she is?

DON JOHNSON AND MELANIE GRIFFITH’S KID!!!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

21 Jumps into a theater near jews today!

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Bridesmaids
Wedding Our Pants
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 125 min

Oh my gosh!  Who knew that women could be funny AND have a movie in which to show it?  AND it came from Judd Apatow, the man who makes so many man comedies… that aren’t really all THAT funny, although everyone thinks they are.  But we’re not going to waste your time griping about Judd Apatow like we usually do, cause for once he got the funny write (although what did he do besides put his name on it?).  YEAH WOMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bridesmaids is dangs funny (and rememberrrrrrrrrr… it takes a lot to make us laffffff!!!).  It’s not a great movie by any imagination of the stretch (pretty standard story stuff here – a woman trying to find love), but who cares!!  Kristen Wiig does her Wiig thang and Maya Rudolph doesn’t really do anything, and come to think of it, neither does Wendi McLendon-Covey or Ellie Kemper, even if they are great company.  Rose Byrne plays an unfun bitch (doesn’t she get sick of that?  we’re starting to), and Jon Hamm plays a way fun a$$hole.  Melissa McCarthy steals the show (she needs her own movie, and probably will get one), and some British people are in it (like Chris O’Dowd) cause they’re probably cheaper (and funnier) than Jason Segel.  But why the poop jokes? WHY?  No man wants to even think of a woman pooping.  Do you womens?  Wait, do any womens read this site?  If so, will you marry us?

Lovey Covey:  there’s juss something so hot about Wendi

(probably cause she was Michael Scott’s one-night stand in Canada)

Verdictgo: Jeepers Mos Def Worth A Peepers

Bridesmaids marries women & laughter at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Somewhere
Found In Native Tongue
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

Is it OK if directors repeat themselves?  Depends on the director, and depends if the previously rolled joint is worth re-sparking.  Aronofsky’s Wrestler paved the same beaten down road that his Black Swan walked along, and while both are similarly themed, they each stand tall on their own merits (AND stinkin badges!!).  So how about Sofia Coppola basically reworking her (overrated) Lost In Translation into a fractured father-daughter relationship story set against the bright lights and big citydumb of LA’s Chateau Marmont (no virgin to the screen!) & other lush locales??????  We’re sure you’ll disagree, but we liked the round 2 version, Somewhere, much more than we did round 1!!!! Maybe it’s cause Tokyo’s too Japanese or that ScarJo scarblows or Translation juss wasn’t that wonderful a trifle as everyone made it out to be.  Somewhere isn’t the be all, cee all and end all, and Stephen Dorff aint no Bill Murray, but Elle Fanning = elles yea times like 2999290403030!!!!!!!!!  Move over Dakota, cause yer sister is the new moon eclipsing your secret life of bees wax!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Come to think of it, Ms Fanning delivers the first real memorable female performance in any of Sofia’s films.  Sorrry, Dunsty, but we don’t remember much about The Virgin Suicides other than the soundtrack by Air, and the same goes for whatever was goings on in the pointlessly anachronistic Marie Antoinette (we upchucked on yer inclusion of Chuck Taylors!!).  Come to think of it again, Sofia’s flicks are all atmosphere and no physical sphere, and that’s hactually fine by us, cause it works for once in the nowhere bound Somewhere!!  It’s kinda like Entourage w/o an entourage (although we get some visits from Chris Pontius, Ellie Kemper, Michelle Monaghan, Alden Ehrenreich & Benicio Del Toro), meets The Royal Tennenbaums, minus 2 siblings and the twee ‘tude + Dakota Fanning’s sister + the guy who was suppose to be the next Christian Slater who was suppose to be the next Jack Nicholson, but they both wasn’ts!!  And the soundtrack rox!!!  Bet you didn’t see that one coming!!!

Back to Fanning!!!!  Oh my oh my my my my my, she is beyond a delight here!!!  A revelation if you will.  A revelation even if you won’t!!!  All she wants is her father’s love and attention, and the guy’s more jaded than a woman named Jade wearing jade earrings while watching the movie Jade for the 281819th time!!  And guess what, the Elle bell gets screen daddy Dorff to break out of his funk, crack a smile, enjoy life, and be an a daddy who cares for once!!  If she can make the Dorfster character care, then you’ll find yerself caring too!!

There was a perfect moment for the film to end, when father & daughter are in a very happy place, basking in the sun poolside, but the movie decides it needs to keep going, somewhere, anywhere, and yet nowhere near as good as that moment.  Oh well moment!  So where does Sofs Coppola go after this?  Same place or somewhere else?  Don’t care, as long as Elle Fanning is the co-pilot

Pole Position: woooowzeerrss!!!!  so much hotness in one movie, from our coast to other people’s coastsests!!!!  where to start?  where to end???

The Shannon Twins

[NSFW] (& their award worthy pole dancing!!!)

Lauren Hastings

Nicole Trunfio

Libby Mintz

Verdictgo:  mos def Jeepers Worth A Peepers, but Elle’s performance almos makes us want to tag it Breast In Showness!!!! ALMOS!!

Somewhere goes to some select cities this Wednesday

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

ELLES YEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

there’s The Office…

…and then there’s everything else that claims it’s a comedy. with such geniusnessness, it’s no wonder that NBC let their makers make a not so spin-off spin-off in Parks In Recreation, which is the equivalent of Futurama to The Simpsons, which means it has the right look and feel, but is about as funny as the American version of Kath & Kim was, which if you didn’t know contained about 1 laff per 4 episodes. then again, the first few American Office eps were kinda poop sandwichistic and eventually blossomed into what is perhaps the greatestestest situational comedy mt EVERest. fo’reals, five’reals, six’reals!

long live The Michael Scott Paper Company!
(and Kevin’s Kool-Aid Man face!)

and big props de leon for making Pam’s replacement (and the root of Andy & Dwight’s hammazin ‘Take Me Home, Country Roads’ serenade) edward james almos as adorable as she is! meat Ellie Kemper

who, like Jenna Fischer, hails from St Louis

+ ‘Silent E’ on the Electric Company

have a good friday everyone and an even gooder saturday and an even gooder good Easter and a righteous Wester to anyone who celebrates that!