Tag Archives: Ewen Bremner

Gal Gadotting The Eyes

Wonder Woman
Some Kind of Not So Wonderful
Official Site | Trailer & Mo
PG-13 | 141 min

I was all for Wonder Woman, the character and the actress playing her, but not so much for the Patty Jenkins movie.  lemme explain, in imagery…

there was a land of nothing but ladies and I was all for that.  ZZ Top would be too

but for some reason, all the women had accents like Kate McKinnon as Olya Povlatsky, and it was strange to hear Robin Wright do a Kate McKinnon as Olya Povlatsky imitation 

but it’s all good, cause they descended from Zeus and they tell us their HERstory thru like some pretty cool moving paintings or something

and we follow the growings up of the youngest of this all lady crew – Diana, who’s that super hot Israeli chick from 9 Fast 19 Furious Gal Gadot, and then we’re like ‘Oh, I’ll follow her, wherever she goes!!  Hopefully to like a shower scene!!

but then dreamy Captain Kirk shows up

and when men, and war are introduced, the movie turns into a 1/2 rate version of the first Captain America movie

where our villains are more cookie-cutter than villains made from a cookie cutter

including one that’s like a female version of that 1/2 face dude from Boardwalk Empire (who is the nephew to the other baddie in the movie, Danny Huston)

and these bad peoples are beyond obsessed with gas, but not the funny kind

but before our heroine and her blue-eyed boy friend (he’s a boy, who’s a friend) can fight evil and their gas, she must first hide her sexy costume in the demur WWI-era clothings, so why not a give your fanboy & fangirl audience exactly what they want – a trying on clothing montage!

and then waste more time talking to mustachioed generals (one being David Thewlis, who certainly has rebounded from being in The Island of Dr Moreau), who look like they’re on the cover of Stratego

and then we’re introduced to a set of pointless sidekicks (apologies to actors I truly love, Ewen Bremner & Saïd Taghmaoui, but your characters were cardboard lameness, a breath of hot air, and a waste of everyone’s time – even Wonder Woman’s – she doesn’t need your help!!), including a Native American for no reason (apologies to you Eugene Brave Rock, who I’m sure is a lovely man)

and then it’s like a WWI trench movie, but like the least interesting one you’ve seen

and then there’s more boring stuff that takes like 19292929ever, and then it eventually turns into one giant Zack Snyder bunk-a$$ DC movie, where there’s all this dark darkness stuff, and nothing but destruction, and it sucks a$$$$, and for some reason, our final round bad guy is Sauron from LOTR

and then after all that, the movie is basically over, and I was like, WTF????, was this a movie about Wonder Woman, or like a WWI movie about a bunch of dudes and proto-Nazis, and all of it wasn’t really that interesting, and was actually kinda corny, and didn’t include any shower scenes with Wonder Woman in it???!!!!

Again, I’m all for Wonder Woman, and the actress, but not for this movie.  I know there will be another movie (not including the Justice League one,which looks so retched, I won’t even bother to see it), but can they at least make the next one less manly, less dark, and more showery??? C’mon guys,
this isn’t rocket scientology – it’s a hot chick in a hot outfit, kicking a$$.  Keep it simple, and showery

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badgers

Woman is not quite Wonderful at theater near jews AND white nationalists

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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How To Train Your Spotting

‘I read the script for Trainspotting and in the film Ewan’s character goes into the toilet for a swim. The whole point of the Trainspotting shoot was that it was very fashiony – there was a black and white CK shoot out at the same time – so we wanted to keep people guessing and make it a little confusing’ - Lorenzo Agius, August 2009

above are the photos that weren’t used in the film’s iconic posters

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How Trainspotting’s poster campaign was made

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Here Comes Johnny Yen Again

T2 Trainspotting
Begbie, Borrow and/or Steal
Official Site | Trailer & Mo
R | 117 min

There are things in this world that are so great as is, that they are best left alone, and don’t require follow-ups, new editions or reinvention.  Just ask Coke, a 2nd Clinton in the White House, Star Wars prequels, and most sophomore albums of bands from the mid aughts

But in this day and age, nothing is sacred, and nothing is left alone (especially when name and brand recognition = eyeballs & $$$s), and the results have not only been NOT horrifying, but udderly fresh and fantastic.  We thought we had enough of Hannibal Lecter, but then came the brilliant TV show that perhaps outshone even Silence of the Lambs!  Or how about Bates Motel – which dared to breathe new life into the musty sports coat of Norman Bates, and the result was the furthest thing from sacrilege – it felt like home.  Even Star Wars was able to turn things around, outside of Lucas’ grip, bringing a force, back to the… force.  Heck, even Dumb and Dumber To somehow was able to recapture the same exact magic it brought to this world 20 years ago.  What all these entertainments have in common is the proper embrace of their grand pasts, but able to move forward WHILE being familiar

One thing I never thought I wanted was a 2nd helping of Trainspotting.  Yes, I know there was an Irvine Welsh book sequel, but the 1996 movie changed my life, and I didn’t want anything to change that.  It inspired me to never do heroin, live for Britpop music (can’t imagine my ears without Pulp & Blur), and even study abroad in the British Isles back in ’98.  Even made my way up to Edinburgh while there, to try and retrace the steps of Renton and Spud, but sadly, Google maps wasn’t in play til 2005, so I wasn’t able to do the proper locationspotting that I love to do

To this day, Danny Boyle‘s Trainspotting is tied for #1 on my list of the best of the bestest movies of balls thyme, along side It’s A Wonderful Life, A Clockwork Orange, Citizen Kane, Zodiac and Psycho (and maybe The Princess Bride).  I had seen the movie a bazillion times on VHS and DVD, but eased off of it for the past decade.  Then it was announced that Boyle and Ewan McGregor had finally made peace and were ready to move forward with a sequel  

Who am I to question a 2nd round, when all the principal people are involved, and it was going to happen no matter what my feelings were.  Well, it was certainly happening, and this meant I needed to see the original again, and luckily it played in a theater last month and I got reacquainted with my old friends, before I got to get reacquainted… with my old friends, in a sequel 21 years after the fact

I’m a different movie-goer these days.  I try not to, and usually don’t get excited about movies anymore.  You only burn yourself when you get yer hopes up way too high, and I’m tired of getting my hopes up, only to see my hopes sh!t upon (sports fandom taught me that the hard way).  So I was excited that there was going to be more of the Trainspotting crew in a cinematic form, but curbed my enthusiasm as much as humanly possible 

And so, I saw T2 Trainspotting, and…

  • if you were any kind of fan of #1, you MUST see #2.  it’s made for you (and me).  it’s NOT made for newcomers (or haters).  you can’t just jump into this world without #1, and you probably won’t like it as a stand alone film even if you did
  • it doesn’t really feel like a sequel.  it feels more like a remix extension, made with fresh paint, but using the same original tools (even writer John Hodge and producer Andrew Macdonald are back!).  a lot of the beloved songs from the original are actually remixed in the new one, and it doesn’t feel used, kinda new-sed.  speaking of – the music/soundtrack was of course brilliant, but not sure why no love for Damon Albarn?  they couldn’t fit a Gorillaz song in there??
  • the pacing works just as well as it did in the original, but the original was slightly over 90 minutes, and I felt like the new one should have followed suit, instead of hovering close to 2 hours.  not sure where to cut, but I’m not an editor
  • I was all for everything that happened in the movie, but there’s one scene late in the film that I felt was a little too dark, too bleak, and it briefly took away from my enjoyment of the film, and the series as a whole, but it is what it is, and perhaps it needed that bleak darkness in it. I mean, these films aren’t all fun and games, right?
  • after it was said and done, I felt that the plot wasn’t all that strong (when compared to #1s), and the new female character wasn’t all that well utilized, BUT, plain and simple – I loved the film and VERY happy it exists.  The movie juss made me happy.  It really did, and it’s obviously not a very happy movie.  I was happy to spend more time with my old pals Renton, and Ewen Bremner as Spud, and Jonny Lee Miller and Sick Boy, and even a few minutes of Kelly Macdonald as Diane (although I coulda handled like a few gajillion minutes with her)
  • but what am I most pleased with? Robert Carlyle‘s return as Begbie.  Begbie is my everything.  Always has been.  Begbie is Trainspotting‘s everything.  The time in between the two movies, he’s been stuck in jail.  I wish they would re-write that, and set him free, and literally make a series of Begbie movies, of Begbie being Begbie, Begbeing all over the place. [Update – THEY MAY JUST MAKE MY WISH COME TRUE!!!]  Begbie.  Just saying (or typing) his name brings joy to my soul.   Begbie is a horrible human being/character, but I beg for more Begbie.  Begbie, please always Beg-BE, and I will forever be spotting

Trainslurping: love the new girl Anjela Nedyalkova (even though she was underused)

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

T2 terminates your brain in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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