Thighs Wide Shut

Jheronimus Bosch, Touched by the Devil
Like Watching Dried Paint
Official Site | Trailer
Not Rated | 86 min

I love Hieronymus Bosch.  Love.  LOVE!!!!!  He’s so fcuking twisted!  In a time when paintings were too Jesusy, and way too Jesusy, and WAY WAY WAY too Jesusy, Mr Bosch was getting evil with the Jesusy stuff!  His painting freak me the fcuk out.  If the heavenly and mainly hellishly things going on in them existed in real life, I would probably not want to be a part of real life!

I mean, look at this fcuking thing!!

or look at these fcuking things!!

and what the fcuk is going on here??

I mean, I could go on and on, and show you ever more fcuked up sh!t, but there’s only so much you cannot unsee

yikes!!

So many questions – and WTF? is the question that needs to be asked over and over!

Pieter van Huystee‘s documentary – Jheronimus Bosch, Touched by the Devil –  isn’t necessarily about Bosch as a man and a painter – it’s more about the mounting of a Dutch exhibition taking place in his hometown, to mark the 500th anniversary of his death in 1516, and that’s kinda a shame.  Cause we want to know more about Biggty Bosch, and not as much about the exhibition and the people mounting it

BUT, the process of mounting this exhibition is interesting in its own right.  A Dutch team was assembled to scour the earth and re-examine and re-evaluate the 25 known Bosch works in existence, which are attributed to him or his studio.  This team left no stone unturned, or even wood unturned.  Thru the wood of the paintings’ backing, they can figure out a year, and some of these paintings that are known to be works of Bosch, fall beyond the year of his death!  Woah, not possible!  And the film digs deep into the details of the actual paintings, and shows these details in full, which is a treat, since none of us will ever get that close to his paintings!!! (SO MANY OWLS!!! SO LITTLE TIME!!).  And they do this cool infrared photo stuff where you can see the drawings behind the paintings – like stuff that was once there and now aint!!!

OK, so we don’t get learn about Bosch the man, or his motivations  – cause its apparent that that information doesn’t exist – and so all we are left with is only MORE questions, but isn’t the goal of art is to make you think and question things and stuff, while marveling at its beauty (and/or horror)?? 

Verdictgo:  Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Bosch is currently playing in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Thigh Mizzle’s
Top Hill-even
Art-ease-its
of Balls Thyme
& why
and my flavorite piece by em

1) Vincent van Gogh

Why?
Cause everytime I van gogh to his museum (6+ times and counting), I pay for the audio tour juss to hear some Dutch woman who sounds like Willard’s mum say these three simple words: ‘The Potato Eaters’. Bonus for being portrayed by Kirk Douglas AND Tim Roth

Which Piece?

The Sower, 1888
Van Gogh Museum, Amsterdam

2) Edward Hopper

Why?
Cause his paintings make me feel more lonely than Roy Orbison’s ‘Only The Lonely’, and Todd Haynes and countless others totally jacked his stizz for many a beautiful flicks

Which Piece?

Soir Bleu, 1914
Whitney Museum of American Art, New York

3) Salvador Dali

Why?
Cause he collaborated with two of the 20th Century’s entertainment go-liaths, Disney & Hitchcock… although these dynamic duets didn’t turn out the way they should’ve

Which Piece?

Lincoln In Dalivision, 1977
Minami Art Museum, Tokyo

4) Georges Seurat

Why?
Cause Alan Ruck gets the POINTillism, even if he isn’t the true sausage king of Chicago!

Which Piece?

A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte, 1884-86
The Art Institute of Chicago

5) Giuseppe Arcimboldo

Why?
Cause he made it safe to play with your food, but not with yer balls

Which Piece?

The Vegetable Gardener, circa 1590
Museo Civico Ala Ponzone, Cremona, Italy

6) Caravaggio

Why?
Cause Tarsem hit gold with his C’vaggio laced vid for REM’s ‘Losing My Religion’ and hit the level of Judy Gold (read: BOO) with The Cell starring J-Ho

Which Piece?

The Incredulity of Saint Thomas, 1601-02
Neues Palais, Potsdam

7) René Magritte

Why?
Cause only he and a nakkid Rene Russo could turn The Thomas Crown Affair into a watchable non-Bond Pierce Brosnan feature! Plus, this is not a pipe, cause it’s a painting of a pipe!!!

Which Piece?

L’Empire des Lumieres, 1954
Peggy Guggenheim Collection, Venice

8) MC Escher

Why?
Cause the world’s first white rapper gets no respect on the East or the West coast, and I’ve NEVER seen one of his works hang in a proper museum, juss numerous college dorm walls

Which Piece?

Waterfall, 1961
National Gallery of Canada

9) Gustav Klimt

Why?
Cause his last name sounds like an Austrian word for vagina and he often shows vagina or BOOBS or BOTH in his work. And it’s not often I throw around the word ‘ornate’, but his shiz is as the hoodlums say, ‘nate, yo!

Which Piece?

Der Beethovenfries, 1901-02
Secession, Vienna

10) Edvard Munch

Why?
Cause he loves to munch on box and his bumblin’ countrymen apparently guard their national treasures with guns made out of balsam wood

Which Piece?

Anxiety, 1894
Munch-museet, Oslo

11) Hieronymus Bosch

Why?
Cause along with his partner Lomb, they cared more about eyes than Ree-Yees and V Eye Whoreshoutski combined! And I bet he was like the Puck of his day, and stuff

Which Piece?

Hell part of The Garden of Earthly Delight triptych, circa 1504
Museo del Prado, Madrid

Han-Solorable mentions: Leonardo da Vinci, Rembrandt van Rijn, Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec, Thomas Hart Benton, Andy Warhol, Fernand Léger, Henri Rousseau, Grant Wood, Roy Lichtenstein, Keith Harring, Jan Vermeer, Paul Signac, Damien Hirst, BOB ROSS(!) and MANY MORE whom I forgots to include

Wurstest
1) Mark Rothko
2) Lucio Fontana
3) both 1 & 2

THIS JUSS IN!!!
– DREAM CUM TRUE: TK Stack Money a go for MNF
– DESTINY CUM TRUE: Maryland offically becomes Garyland
– DRAZZLE CUMMING ON MY LEG: Everytime I look at Meg White and her ‘disco boobs’