Thighs Wide Shut

another year, another bout of Ranch Farts

you know the drill – eat, drink, eat, fart, repeat…

state your case

more like ‘Whitest State Ever’

 –

since we’re all old and billionaires, we stepped up our game
and stayed at the Union

where the views are to die for
but not to diet for

–

the carpets scream redrum

and the eating made for red-bums

–

oh ranch sauce 

men want to be you
and women want you inside of them

–

and oh divine swine

how you make us sin, even though we brought a rabbi with us

–

speaking of
the Rabbi thinks I should do
a gallery show of our ranch sauce pics

fart art?

–

the owner of BuffaLouies is my hero

 

literally, a larger than life
personality – with the wings
to back it up

–

he’s like the second greatest man behind Neon Jesus 

Bobby Knight’s in white ranch sauce

- 

 want to know what lonely is?

this pencil shapener, sitting at the bottom of a stairwell, probably barely used or ever noticed

–

each trip back to Bloomington brings back old memories but sometimes provides new ones

like these amazing headshots of ‘talent’ from the 80s that played Bear’s Place

ah, M&Mc – the dynamic duo to end all dynamic duos

–

I’d choose this guy’s
‘stache in a pinch!

–

more like jester.  off with his head!

- 

who, me???

- 

uh, um, uh?

- 

Banks, so money!!!

–

Weird Yal Ankovic?

- 

me?

- 

yes, me – DJ Tanner of the Mike & Jonah & Terry Milk Show! it’s like 1997/98 all over again!! big ups to BFinx for the tour!!

–

I’m a slow starter / fast farter

- 

but I won a super amazing hat (not pictured) from this crane-game thing

- 

can’t wait for #RanchFarts2015!!!!
the year we juggle!!!

another year passes
another year of gas passing
college still stays the same
but we get olders
but not wisers

man, are we really old

but man, them young chix these days be wearing like nothing more than a bra and nothing

–

Indiana, home to the whitest people you don’t know

theys peoples is
the salt of the pepper

–

and home to the lamest bestest football players ever – EVER!!!

(2 dem being Redskins)

–

and this guy

I signed him to a 9 picture deal to play Howard Taft and the Monopoly Guy and every awesome fatty guy with a mustache

–

and now we enter
the farty food section

–

ZA and WINGS!!!!!!!!

together at last/gas

–

PESTO CHEESE STIXXXXXXXX!!!

at Mother Bear’s!

–

+ onion rings as big as Greeny

and they didn’t even taste good, but they was SO BIGGGG

–

THESE

MIGHT juss be the world’s bestest wings. MIGHT.  no, seriously.
no, 5reals.  no, 9reals

–

YOU’VE BEEN RANCHED

DEAL WITH IT

–

hot sh!ts, only $3!!

personally, I don’t like
to spend more than $2

–

but THIS is where I really
want to go one day

and that negative review is actually the glowingest glowing review ever cause fat people know where to get damn good food that keeps them fat

–

oh college

never change

–

NEVER

and we’ll keep coming back

–

and maybe, juss maybe

we’ll retire in you!
not even jokings
17reals

 

oh, want to relive old ranch fart memories?  CLICK ME!

we were here

and we wish you were too

–

this list is life

and farts!

–

this picture should hang at the MoMA

this ranch sauce should
be served everywhere

–

leftovers?  not bloody likely

indigestion?  bloody likely

–

hollandaise holiday sauce

black gold, Bloomington tea

–

this is our brains on college

any questions?

–

biz sinking at Nick’s
is always mandatory

woman in the background was shocked that we were able to
capture the pour in mid-flight

–

blue drinks for all!

good tasting drinks for none!

–

rough nite for somebody

but sometimes a necessary evil

–

and now for the ‘cultural’
part of our tour

–

Zells yeah!!!

fighting Illini? more like losing Illini!!!

–

if you can read these
you don’t need glasses

and probably also have a tiny penis

–

IU Cinema is a bestestestest

and so was seeing the Cary Grant / Katherine Hepburn comedy Holiday

–

we’d follow the RHCP cover band
Funky Monks practically anywhere…

…there’s 8 cent beer
and 18 year old women

–

????

does not compute

–

America, where everything’s bigger, not necessarily better

you lighters up our lives

–

boob grab!!!

but the question is, real boobs???

–

LOL!!!!

LOL!!!! continued

–

looking for ranch farts from years past?  YOU GOT IT!!!

there’s no such thang as ‘too much of a good thing’, herspecially when it comes to Bloomington, Indiana, one of our moist flavorite America Earth cities period! we were juss there this past Februrarary, and for even more zits & tiggles, we decided to go back there this past tweakend, and here’s some pictures we want to share with you, cause Sharon is Karen… whoever they is

you’d be sirprized

ranch sauce was dipped and dranken by the a$$load, but the amount of ranch farts emitted was way down on this trip. that ALMOS makes it an unsuccessful trip. ALMOS!!!

for some reason, Mickey’s beyond fine malt liquor isn’t sold in NYC

cause probably NYC isn’t a place where only white people live [DATS RACIST!!]

this is what bathrooms looked like in the 50s

and apparently still today!!!

lets be serious for a second…

sh#t is f#$ked up

OK, back to not being serious…

and on to being sauceyist for an eternity!!!

this is so confusing

balls on both ends?

we branched out on this trip & even tried a new ‘za joint

Mother Bear’s = mother BESTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

this is gotta be some sorta copyright issue

or juss plain copyWRONG!!

kill we now

or someone juss kill Ken Jeong-Ill instead

if only all athletes looked like Rollie Fingers

if only we looked like Rollie Fingers

oh cool! a game where you can win candy!!

or you could juss go to a store and buy candy for $1!!!

gotta love the Hinkle

cept it wasn’t open, so no peek or tinkle inside

so, when are we next goin’ back to Indiana like the J5?