Thighs Wide Shut

Lovelace
Where They’re Against Her Will, There Is A Way
Official Website | Trailers & Mo 
R | 93 min

Poor Linda Lovelace, I mean Boreman – an innocent girl born to overbearing Christian parents, who met the wrong man (Chuck Traynor), which led to 17 days of working in the porn industry, which led to a lifetime of infamy, and pain and suffering.  Even more poorerer – the biopic treatment created in her image, which is trying to change her image from porn star to porn victim, like she tried dones doing herself.  The material is rich (think Star 80, without murder), and so were the performances (Amanda Seyfried, showing range AND her boobs!! + good sleazy work by Peter Sarsgaard & Chris Noth + saddy sadness by an uglified Sharon Stone and a crying Robert Patrick! ), but there’s juss not enuff penetration of who Linda Lovelace/Boreman actually was here to justify you whipping out your cock wallet.  It’s one long tease, with little to show for it.  Linda Lovelace deserved a lot better in life, and in her first cinematic treatment too.  Maybe the other Lovelace movie that Lohan got kicked off of will do what Rob Epstein and Jeffrey Friedman‘s flick didn’t.  Lovelace dicks around the outside of Deep Throat.  You want in? –  juss re-watch Inside Deep Throat

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinking Badges

Lovelace is loveless currently in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Howl
Causing An Obscene
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

By nature, poetry is like totally gay.  Even gay people know it.  Even Gaylord Perry knows it.  Even Perry Mason knows it.  Even Mason Crosby Stills & Nash & Young know it!!!  Allen Ginsberg was both gay and a poet, so the dude had his finger way on the pulse, and all over men’s bodies!!  When he wrote his seminal Howl, it not only spoke to the Beat-off Generation, but to many a future generations to come.  Of course not everyone agreed that it could or should be considered a work of written art and thus a court case against its publisher to cease publication went public and pubic words came forth!!!!!!!  Rob Epstein (he made The Times of Harvey Milk doc, which was FARRRR greater than the movie Milk) & Jeffrey Friedman have ventured out to capture the essence of Ginsburg, the meaning of Howl and the fight for free speech, all rolled into one wild bizarre ride to the pharcyde, in crisp black & white, candy-colored color and wondrously stark animation

Their Ginsberg is pan-sexual James Franco, and while he might not look exactly like him or David Cross with a beard, he’s got the sound down, and juss about everything else.  Hell, we wanted to bang him the instant we heard the Howling words spew from his pretty mouth!  The courtroom drama features attorneys Jon Hamm (looks like he juss walked off of one Mad Man set and onto another) & David Strathairn, judge Bob Balaban, and expert literary witnesses Jeff Daniels, Mary-Louise Parker, Alessandro Nivola and Treat Williams, which is by far the weakest part of the triptych, but necessary lessthenone.  As for the animation, that shiz was more moving than Howl’s Moving Castle!!!  Disclaimer:  we’ve never seen Howl’s Moving Castle!  Straight or gay, poetry is here to stay, and Howl will forever have its say!  And now will forever have its sight!  Hip-hip who-Gayyyyyy!!!!!!!!

Is He or Isn’t He?: if you haven’t already warrick dunn so, DO read this NY Mag article on the hard to figure/finger out James Franco

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Howl is currently screaming at the moon in limited release!

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…