Thighs Wide Shut

God Bless America
Falling Down Uncomforter
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 100 min

Hating modern America is easy.  Putting that hate into scripted words that are read aloud in a movie, not so much.  It worked to dramatic perfection when Michael Douglas stood up while Falling Down, but what if it’s played for laughs, from the mind and hands of Bobcat Goldthwait?  Not a question many are asking, but the answer lies in his 5thish directorial feature, God Bless America

The good news?  America reunites Bobcat with his buddy (and brother of Bill) Joel Murray.  The two shared screen/scream memories in One Crazy Summer, Scrooged, Shakes The Clown (Bob’s first job behind the camera) and some TV movie called Encino Woman, which sounds like something we need to see NOW (not really)!!!  Other good news?  Joel Murray is employed and it’s Bobcat Goldthwait making it happen!  Wait, that’s the same news!  Yeah, but it’s still news!

The bad news?  No matter how cutting or on point Bobcat’s commentary on general American nasty me-ness is (by way of hating on reality TV, news talking heads, and pretty much anything you could think of, including Diablo Cody.  wait, did we write this script??!??!?!), it doesn’t cut very deep on screen, and it doesn’t help that the production values are valued at $5

But wait, there is good news, and it’s not related to Joel Murray being employed.  Joel Murray’s partner in crime-spree (think we forget to mention that Joel gets angry about stuff, and thinks his time on earth is limited, so he decides to go and kill people who he thinks don’t deserve to live, like every asshole on TV) is a teenage girl, and the girl who plays this girl is the most refreshing girl we’ve seen in a movie in a long time that isn’t a Fanning, and her name is Tara Lynne Barr.  She reeks of Anna Faris, but is young enuff to not have crazy strange lips like Anna Faris, which kinda makes her the new Anna Faris until Anna Faris gets her old lips back.  No, but seriously, Lynne Barr is gonna be a star.  We sure hope so.  She has the chops and she shows them in spades and clubs and diamonds and hearts in America, even if this movie doesn’t exactly get our full Blessing.  Sure, it certainly has its moments, but it doesn’t quite add up to anything momentumental.  Still, Lynne Barr is barr-none barrwesome!

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

God Bless you (sorta) in limited release tomorrow, and elsewhere elsewhen

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

The Artist
Silence Is Mostly Golden
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 100 min

Ah, the era of silent films.  Long forgotten and loved by so few in today’s world of gabfests and explosions.  In the past year we us ourselves have grown a love for the dialog-free flicks that were so flappertastic… which explains why we’ve spent many an hours digging in the past for endless bobbed photos.  The bygone format may have collected dust, but cinema has paid tribute here and there, from Sunset Boulevard, to Mel Brooks’ Silent Movie, to the maudlin madness of Guy Maddin‘s mizzles, and now with The Artist, Frenchie writer/director Michel Hazanavicius‘ loud-quiet love letter that’s sealed with a giant sloppy kiss

The artist in The Artist is mustachioed George Valentin (the dashing and playful Jean Dujardin), a star of the silents, with the look of Douglas Fairbanks, a name like Rudolph Valentino’s, and a ‘talkies killed my career’ tale, that sent the likes of stars Pola Negri, Ramon Novarro, Clara Bow, Colleen Moore, John Gilbert (the list sadly goes on and on and) into early acting retirement.  The sentiment on display is a welcome one, but the story, a little too simplistic.  Hazanavicius, his artist Dujardin, and gal vendredi Bérénice Bejo have driven us down this road before.  If you’ve seen their OSS 117: Cairo, Nest of Spies Bondish spoof [trailer], you’ll know they are more than capable of putting the period pieces together.  And just like with OSS 117, The Artist is a beautifully polished homage with the right rah-rah spirit, but it doesn’t exactly score touchdown after touchdown

STILL, The Artist is worth seeing cause we need to be reminded of that time and that place and of those movies that had no talking, and what happened when their time was up, and it was time to start talking.  And where else are you going to see Uggie the dog doing awesome stuff (sadly no skateboarding) in B&W, John Goodman being loud without saying a word, or James Cromwell being sweet without a pig that talks?  Or find bonus employment for fine folks like Penelope Ann Miller, Malcolm McDowell, Ken ‘Borat’s buddy’ Davitian, Nina ‘sister of Casey’ Siemaszko (see below), Joel ‘brother of Bill’ Murray and Bill ‘Dauber from Coach‘ Fagerbakke??!!  FREKKIN DAUBER!!!  FROM COACH!!!

moral of the story: The Artist is the best silent film of the year, and probably the best silent film since maybe the end of the silent era (both proclamations don’t really say much… or do they???), and you’ve probably have seen zero silent movies, so start with this, and then open Pandora’s Box to all the other silent pleasures that eggsist in the fine history of the cinema. SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

SiemaszKOed: wethinks we’re in love with Nina ‘sister of Casey’ Siemaszko. she went from having a license to drive

to having a license to be MAD ADORABLE!!!!!!

and havings a license to show off her assets!!!!!!!!!!!! [NSFW]

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

The Artist takes up residence in NY & LA this Friday, and elsewhere elsewhen

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…