Thighs Wide Shut

Chef
Burnt Sugar & Cheese
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 114 min

I guess Jon Favreau really loves food and cooking and wanted you to know this, by making a movie called Chef that’s basically about food and cooking, and the result is pretty lukewarm – SEND IT BACK TO THE KITCHEN!!!  Favry recruited a fun bunch to join him – Robert Downey Jr, Scarlett Johansson, Sofía Vergara, Dustin Hoffman, Oliver Platt, Bobby Cannavale, Amy Sedaris and John Leguizamo – but they have little to work with, other then being overly enthusiastic, in a movie that oozes more cheese than all the cheesteaks of the greater Philadelphia area.  There’s too much time dedicated to (showing us how Twitter works +) Chef Favry trying to bond with his onscreen kid Emjay Anthony, who has about as much acting chops as this movie has lamb chops – zero.  Look, I’m happy Favry is taking a break from big budget fiasco flicks, and going small, but this movie is tiny – a tiny bit entertaining, and a ton bit schmaltzy

Only bit I really really really liked was Oliver Platt playing a food critic, which is not much of a stretch since his brother Adam is the main food critic for New York mag.  The role wasn’t good at all, but I just like that he’s playing a role his brother does for a living

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badgers

Chef boy r deez nutz at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Vanishing On 7th Street
No Outlet
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

Were you a teen (or mature child like weeself) of the 80s AND subscribed to HBO?  If so, you’ve probably seen Just One of The Guys and The Heavenly Kid 9328383922 times over, right????  Well how about the the post-apocalyptic-valley girl romp Night of The Comet [trailer]??????  We wacthed that 9328383922 times over too, and it was certainly of its place and time, and we’re sure if we saw it today it would be beyond awful/unwatchable, but still maintain some of its 80s charm.  Wellllllllllllllllllll, director Brad Anderson (Transsiberian and The Machinist) and writer Anthony Jaswinski‘s Vanishing On 7th Street barks up similar empty streets, but without the ‘gag me with a spoon’ attitude and fun, and it doesn’t need any years to pass to show some mold, cause this movie is awful/unwatchable TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sure, we were totes mcgotes with this movie for the first 15 minutes, when everyone instantly disappeared off the face of the earth, eggggcept for Hayden Christensen, Thandie Newton, John Leguizamo and lil Jacob Latimore, but when these survivors stop wandering round and meet one another at the only bar open in Detroit, on the titular street (duh), this thing turns into a achingly boring stage play that brings out the mos annoying qualities of each actor (Hayden – endless whining, Newton – a long, sad face longer and sadder than it needs to be, and Leguizamo – overly-overly-neurotic).  If only the unknown thing that’s making things vanish could have made the rest of the film vanish or like our eyes and ears vanish or like any other stupid vanish joke we could make that will help vanish this movie from our memory!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just One of The Girls: so whatever became of Just One of The Guys girl Joyce Hyser? who knows (her most current pics are from 2001!), but we will never 5get her acting skills

Verdictgo: Slit Your Eyes Out Repoopulous

7th St opens Friday in NY only & elsehwere elsewhen & is already available on-demand, if you so demand it!

and until next thyme the balcony & the girl who dressed like a guy is clothed…