Paul Dooley, Rick Moranis, Dave Thomas and Max von Sydow in 1983′ Strange Brew

thank you Max von

meet the new Star Wars VII cast, and what we guess will be their roles…

 

John Boyega as Sando Calrissian

Sando grew up in Cloud City, living under the shadow of his dashing father Lando.  Sick of hearing his father’s glorified stories about the Battle of Taanab and endless late-night partying with Nien Nunb, Sando left home to make it on his own.  Since then, he has become a legendary pilot, and an even bigger scoundrel AND player than his father ever was.  He currently holds 14 death sentences on as many planets, and has won the last 3 World Series of Sabacc titles

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Daisy Ridley as Hope Solo

When parents Leia and Han tell their daughter Hope that they love her, she always replies, ‘I know’.  But does she?  HOPE so!!!  Hope, like her mother and grandmother before her, is one of the most independent women in the galaxy.  When she’s not getting straight A’s at Coruscant University, she devotes a lot of her free time to the Refugee Relief Movement.  And if she has any additional additional free time, she makes her own bathtub blue milk, from her great Aunt‘s secret recipe.  The force is slightly strong with this one, although she’s only a half-breed, and gets her ‘shoot first’ mentality genes directly from her pops

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Adam Driver as Darth Brooks

Not much is known about Darth Brooks, but what is known is to stay the fcuk out of his way.  Brooks employs the rare tri-lightsaber, which can not only slice opponents with ease, but galactic pizzas as well!

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Oscar Isaac as Dweezil Zapple

When it comes to Jizz music, there no musician more on top of his game than Dweezil Zapple.  Sadly, the rest of the galaxy doesn’t realize that.  Stuck playing coffee shops and bounty hunter bars on remote planets, Dweezil keeps on keeping on, waiting to make a breakthrough.  Sales of his last album weren’t promising, but an opening slot on the Max Rebo tribute band’s latest tour is.  To make ends meet, Dweezil moonlights as a droids dealer.  His most popular seller is R7-D4

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Andy Serkis as Grand Toff Fee

After the destruction of the second Death Star, the Empire was in shambles, until Grand Toff Fee rose thru the ranks and righted the ship.  He is currently overseeing the construction of a third Death Star, and promises that this one will be indestructible, and will not have a shield generator located anywhere near any muppets or midgets

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Domhnall Gleeson as Obi-Thwoo Kenobi

Obi-Wan Kenobi was perhaps the greatest and most dedicated of all the Jedis, but everyone has their faults and weaknessess.  Obi-Wan’s was prostitutes, and he would use the force to force himself upon endless hookers, without paying them a dime or spices.  Well, one of these forced situations, with a Mos Eisley red-lighter named Sxxixty Nyne, resulted in a bastard child that Obi-Wan never knew about.  Nyne tried her best to raise her son, Obi-Thwoo, but being the son of whore didn’t provide much of an opportunity for him, and so she sent him to the Jedi Academy on his 10th birthday.  Obi-Thwoo was a quick study, and soon become as good a Jedi as his father before him.  But apparently he couldn’t escape his genes either – as he got involved in a scandalous affair with Yaddle that threatened to destroy the Jedis forever

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Max von Sydow as Galactic Emperor Vax mon Ydow

Emperor Vax mon Ydow is one of the most malicious and vicious men in the entire galaxy.  He has been known to set up meetings, and then not show up.  BASTARD!!!  One of his biggest priorities as Emperor, besides killing all the Jedi, is to figure out a better system of visual communication other than the ye olde glitchy hologram

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so there you have it.  will this be the bestest Star Wars ever????  probably not, but it will probably be 129393939 billion times better than the last 3 Lucas gave us.  HOOOOORAY!!!!!!!

Extremely Loud
and Incredibly Close
Incredibly Cloying & Kinda Extremely Moving
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 120 min

When we told people we saw this movie, they had never heard of it, so we started calling it that ‘Tom Hanks 9/11′ movie.  That rang a few bells for some, but it’s hactually not fair to the film to label it like that… cause that sounds like a film no one would want to see (including us), and yet, it’s a movie you should see

Based off of the novel by Jonathan Safran Foer, director Stephen Daldry and writer Eric Roth walk a fine line between overwrought and amazing, and ends up with something that’s a happy medium of the two.  Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close is a lot like other flicks Daldry has directed (The Hours, Billy Elliot, The Reader), in tone and presentation (and over doing the Oscar baiting), cept this is the only one we really liked.  You did it Daldry!!

And what’s the story September 11th morning unglory?  Tom Hanks dies in the Twin Towers, and his neurotic and curious and overly animated son (kid Jeopardy! winner! Thomas Horn) becomes even more neurotic and curious and overly animated.  He hungers for answers, and finds his question in the form of a key left behind by his dad with no known lock that it fits into.  This sets him off on (that’s an oxymoron!) a journey of discovery and self-discovery, which will not so sirprizingly, help him come to terms of departed endearment.  Won’t say much more, cause the journey here really IS the meat, and the key is simply an egg MacGuffin.  Horn is both annoying and incredible (hispecially during the scenes where he gets really amped up and we get these fabulous montages of what he’s babbling on about), and gets very solid support from mom Sandra Bullock (who’s kinda absent, in many ways, for 4/5ths of the flick), a mute Max von Sydow (was Chris Plummer not available to steal this role?), Viola Davis and Jeffrey Wright

The key thing to understand here is that while 9/11 looms heavy on the minds of the characters and the viewer, it’s not really a 9/11 movie.  It’s about a boy who loses his beloved father and how much that sucks balls.  His father coulda have died in a car accident, and the movie still woulda packed an emotional punch, and you still woulda wanted to punch the kid in the face… and then hug him 9ever

moral of the story: Daldry didn’t make a movie that made us want to jump out of a window like The Hours did.  YOU REALLY DID IT DALDRY!!!

Trouble in the Message Centre: best supporting answering machine of 2011 goes to the AT&T 1710/20, WHICH IS THE SAME EXACT ONE WE OWNED IN THE LATE 90s!!!!

remembering answering machines???

Verdictgo: very high end Jeepers Worth A Peepers

EL&IC gets close to your heart in selected theaters on X-Mas and everywhere on January 20th

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

pee es – the film has one of the würst posters EVERSSSSSS