Tag Archives: Michael Caine

May This Force Be With You

13. Feb, 2015 0 Comments

Kingsman: The Secret Service
Posh Spicy
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 128 min

My litmus test of dumb-fun movies goes like this – is the movie in question as dumb and as fun as the amazingly dumb-fun Charlie’s Angels 2: Full Throttle is/was?

Last up for the test – Lucy, which passed with flying colors, and dumb-funness!!!

Next up for the test - Kingsman: The Secret Service.  result?  PASS WITH BRITISH FLYING COLORS!!!!!!

kingsman

Colin Firth is mad game.  So is Michael Caine (although he wasn’t really needed) and Mark Strong too (being subdued for once), and even Samuel L Jackson (who adds a lisp to his usual one note acting – WHAT A STRETCH!!!), and so is newcomer Taron Egerton (guess they couldn’t get Jack O’Connell)  

You should be game for it too!  It’s like dumb James Bond, but fun!! It’s like a dumber-funner Layer Cake, a less dumb/more fun Kick-Ass, and a less awesome/more actioned X-Men: First Class.  What do those last 3 flicks have in common?  They came from the British king of dumb-fun - Matthew Vaughn (who took over that role from Guy Ritchie)

But the REAL reason you should see this movie?  Mark Hamill is in it, and while he’s not particularly amazing in it, or even all that memorable (he mainly juss makes a bunch of grunting faces), he is in this movie, and when’s the last time you saw Mark Hamill and his face in ANY movie, on the big screen? 2001’s Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back??  Some things are best left unseen and unsaid

hamill kingsman

Well, Mark will walk skies again this winter as Luke Skywalker, and whether the new Star Wars is simply passable, good enough OR amazing (please lord, we need this to be amazing), you may not be ready to see him again, but you need to be ready

kings hamill

It’s been so long since he’s been on the big screen, and that you and/or I have cared to see him on a big screen, and it is in your best interest to see him on the big screen ONE time before Star Wars drops.  You need to refamiliarize yo’self with his face and acting.  You want the shock and awww shucks to happen now, and not when you’re trying to take in the new Star Wars, while trying not to jizz in yer pants(/get to be disappointed all over again:)

hamill kings

Kingsman – so much dumb fun, and hispecially some Mark Hamill.  Welcome back Mark!!!  The big screen misses you.  We all missed you!!!  And now we’re ready for you to be a force to reckon with, again 

Verdictgo: Jeepers MOS DEF Worth A Peepers

Kingsman firths it up today at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Up! Up! & Hathaway

19. Nov, 2014 2 Comments

Interstellar
Somewhere Between 2001 and 2010, so 2005?
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 169 min

Christopher Nolan is back!!!! In my mind at least. Didn’t care for his last Batman, nor Inception, which in retrospect was a lame dream within a lame dream within a lame dream

Maybe I needed some space from Nolan, or maybe Nolan needed to go to space. AND HE DID!!! IN SPADES!!! WHATEVER ‘IN SPADES‘ MEANS!!! Sure, it’s no 2001: A Space Odyssey, but it definitely wishes it was. Don’t we all

it was actually like this – in pictures (spoilers-ish ahead!)…

Matthew McConaughey likes to drive his big car
mcoughney drives

IN LIKE SMALLVILLE OR SOMETHING!
smallville 1978

And his daughter is Renesmee!
Renesmee

and like the Dust Bowl is happening or something
buster blown

and books are acting ghostly
ghost book

and everything we know is a lie
fake moon landing

and the earth is dying and all we have left is corn
bay corn hanks

and NASA is like in the same building as the WOPR was
WOPR

but the WOPR is now like some robot with no head but with crazy CRAZY crazy-assed legs
tars

which kinda reminds me of the best logo ever – the 70s WB one

anywho, McConaughey is like the last Starfighter
last starfighter

so says Michael Caine

but there are like 3 other starfighters joining him, including a not TOO annoying Anne Hathaway
anne hatwhay

and then typical space and movie space stuff happens…

legos astronaut

2001 ship

space call

space stuff

captain eo

cat pizza space

and then there’s some planetary visitations, to see if we could live there!

waterworld

hoth

and then there’s madness

and space lights

and some like dumb hokey Contact sh!t
contacy

and then a whole lot of stuff I don’t understand what they were talkin bout Willis
science

and then Elysium/70s future or something

and then some Benjamin Button type stuff pushing the kinda right AND wrong buttons at the same time
cate button

the end

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Interstellar is spaceballin’ at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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2 Comments

Abraca-Blah-Blah

31. May, 2013 0 Comments

Now You See Me
Hand of Sleight
Official Website | Trailers & Mo 
PG-13 | 113 min

NYSM

I love magic.  I love movies. I love movies about magic.   I love movie magic.  I love , , , , , ,  & even  (when James is unavailable).  Wait, all of these things are in one movie????  HOW IS THIS A REAL MOVIE???  But don’t get too excited cause this thing they’re in was directed by , captain of the two Transporter movies + Clash of The Disaster + that 2nd Hulk movie everyone already forgot about.  And guess what, don’t get too excited in general, cause the result – Now You See Me – is an illusion of entertainment.  You’ll be tricked into being entertained, but really, the dupe’s on you, dope!  You somehow sit thru this inane routine, and the only thing that’s really vanishing is your time and money  

Sure, Now You See Me isn’t even on the same planet as the UMmazing Prestige or even the usey illusiony The Illusionist, BUT even though NYSM is totally refarted, it is totally totally watchable dumbitity, cause EISENBERG’S NOT STEALING FACEBOOKS! AND RUFFALO LOOKING UNSHAVED GRUFFALOOO!!!!  AND WOODY HARRELSON KNOCKING WOOD (not really)! AND ISLA IS SOOOOOOOOOOOO FINE!!! AND LAURENT IS ALSO SO FINE AND SO CUTE SPEAKING IN ENGRISH!!! AND MORGAN FREEMAN IS SO OLD AND WISE AND HIS SMILES MELT SCREENS AS HE COLLECTS ANOTHER PAYCHECK!! AND MICHAEL CAINE DOES AN AMAZING MICHAEL CAINE IMPERSONATION!!! AND DAVE FRANCO IS LIKE JAMES FRANCO BUT YOUNGER AND LESS LEARNDEDED!!!!  And in nothing roles, they threw in real actors to play them, like that guy , and , and that other that guy !!

There’s nothing up any sleeves here, but sometimes it’s OK to pull from the bottom of the deck/dreck cause WE’D WATCH THIS CAST DO ANYTHING, EVEN KNIT SWASTIKA SWEATERS!!!

Verdictgo: high end Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Now You See Me sees you today at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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12 Angry Awesome Man

11. Apr, 2011 0 Comments

Peace The Forks Out

to

Sidney

‘The Father of Those Bazongas‘

Lumet

1924 – 2011

his body of work speaks for itself, but wanted to single out his Murder on the Orient Express, but only cause Albert Finney looks amazing with slicked hair and a mustache and a Belgian accent

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The Michael Caine Mutiny

30. Apr, 2010 2 Comments

Harry Brown
Brown v. The Bored & Uneducated
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

Michael Caine‘s been down the shoot em up road before, as he’s gottsen Carter and filed Ipcress, but them pics were ages ago.  Since then, the artist formerly known as Maurice Micklewhite hasn’t really had the chance to pick up a gun, since he’s been recently used as a supporter of others (Batman’s butler, Clive Owen’s pot toking prof pal in Children of Men, and juss being a wise grandpa in a plethora of solid movies).  In Harry Brown, Caine’s history of violence is no longer history, and it’s a delight, cause as everyone knows old people kicking ass totally kicks ass, especially in movie form!!!  It’s a genre that always delivers, and wholly entertains, juss like body switching movies!!  Now if only someone made an old person body-switching kicking ass movie!!!!

Caine plays the title character, a pensioner who’s had enuff of the street hooligans (including Skins‘ Jack O’Connell) running rampant round his downtrodden South London housing estate (see below for more on the actual location).  After his BFF (David Bradley, that creepy Hogwarts caretaker dude) is killed by some of dem cockney slang slingers, and the police are, naturally, of no help (although Emily Mortimer tries), he decides takes matters into his own hands.  WATCH OUT YOU DANG KIDS, CAUSE GRAMPY’S PISSED AND COMING AFTER YOU!!!!

Brown is slain and pimple the UK’s answer to Gran Torino, with oodles more grit and violence (the one scene inside the drug dealer’s lair is scary as fork!!!), yet isn’t exactly able to dispense the emotional wallop quite like Eastwood’s modern day masterpiece did.  No knock against Daniel Barber‘s directorial debut, cause his geezer Death Wish is a delicious and diligent vigilante fantasy, but old Dirty Harry’s always gonna beat out old Harry Brown in any comparison… unless of course they switch bodies!!

Estatements: you knows we loves rundown London neighborhoods as movie backdrops, or maybe you didn’t, but you should loves em too!  Harry Brown took place and was filmed in the hellhole known as the Aylesbury Estate.  czech out these here beautiful/ugly pics

Verdictgo: Jeepers Mos Def Worth A Peepers

Harry carries it in NY/LA/SF & Chi-twon today and elsewhere elsewhen

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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