Men In Black 3
Third Is The Word
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 106 min

No one usually asks for thirds, but that never stopped Hollywood from serving triple helpings of anything that will automatically bring in the bucks.  You can’t fault the cash grab of a third Men In Black, with all the principal players in place, but is this something people really need?  Turns out we do.  Apparently there’s more to the relationship of Agent J and K than any of us could have ever imagined, which makes Men In Black 3 not only watchable, but totally watchable!!!  IT’S TRUE!!!

MiB3 starts off with the usual inane silliness of J & K hunting down gross aliens and then returning to their stark white offices to do office stuff, but then things get more interesting.  Main bad guy alien Jemaine Clement jumps into the past with aims of maiming the man (Tommy Lee Jones) who done him wrong, so Will Smith has no choice but to follow him back in time so things don’t go bad in the future!!!  Fish out of waterness ensues, Mad Men clothes are sported, and Michael Stuhlbarg acts weirderer than his screen brother Richard Kind did in A Serious Man  

This means Tommy Lee Jones is younger, and Josh Brolin brilliantly plays/imitates him as young version of Tommy Lee Jones.  Genius!  Will Smith imitates himself and it’s all basically juss a MiB movie that takes place in the 60s.  So far, so passable.  BUT then things get really really interesting!  They do!  Not gonna say how or why, but it comes at the end, and makes the whole thing well worth sitting thru.  Even if we have to endure the brief presence of toothy Alice Eve and her toothy teeth, pretending to be a younger Emma Thompson.  What is it about Alice Eve?  Why is she becoming a go to actress? Does she have dirty pictures of every studio head in Hollywood?  Or do these studio heads have a teeth fetish?

moral of the story – we didn’t need it, no one really asked for it, but as third movies go, Barry Sonnenfeld semi-sorta has us asking for more!  how is this possible? these movies are really nuttin but stupid fun.  But #3 is more than stupid fun.  WHY?  we’ll tell you why – this movie ends up having more heart than Mola Ram’s hands done does in a year!!  AND THAT’S A LOT OF HEARTSES!!!

Warhol of Fame: it was the 60s, so of course Andy Warhol makes an appearance in the flick, with the help of Bill Hader.  Below is our movie Warhol of Famers who have admirably donned the leather jacket, sunglasses and white wig, including new member Hader

watch Guy Pearce + Jared Harris + David Bowie + Crispin Glover pop art

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

MiB3 is outta this world, in our world, this Friday, at  a theater near jews tomorrow

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Hugo
Méliès-y Shady of Winner
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG | 127 min

So, there’s this orphan kid (Asa Butterfield) who lives and works in the clocks of a Parisian train station.  When he’s not being chased by Sacha Baron Cohen with a mustache, he’s trying to re-build Bicentennial man.  When he’s not doing that, he’s stealing stuff from cranky ole toymaker Ben Kingsley.  When he’s not doing that, he’s hanging out with Kingsley’s ‘daughter’ Chloë Moretz, who is way too mature hot for being a 14 year old.  399393939 movie hours pass of them two kids running around, causing minor mischief and making endless lil ragamuffin faces, while also borrowing books from Christopher Lee, and listening to a bearded Michael Stuhlbarg talk about his boner for pioneer filmmaker Georges Méliès

Wait, what does Méliès have to do with all this?  Well ya see, Kingsley is not only a cranky ole toymaker, but HE’S ALSO GEORGES MÉLIÈS!!!!  But he doesn’t care about movies anymore, CAUSE OF WORLD WAR and MOVIES BEING TURNED INTO SHOES or something, but the kids care and so does his wife (Helen McCrory) and so does Martin Scorsese, who turns the last brilliant third of this movie into a love letter to early cinema AND a giant PSA for film preservation!!

moral of the story: it’s a kid’s movie where all the great stuff is about the adults.  the kids stuff should have been thrown out the window and this baby shoulda been all about Méliès, cause Kingsley hands in a f#$king crowning achievement performance as the cinemagician.  also, there should have been a naughty sex scene between SB Cohen and Emily Mortimer.  also, the 3-D is not as great as everyone’s making it to be.  also, they should have cut out 98% of the kids stuff and replaced it with 3-D clips of how hot Louise Brooks was, or maybe with some modern 3-D hotness like this!

Toying Around: art imitates life

Verdictgo: last third is beyond breast in show, but the first two-thirds keeps it a Jeepers Mos Def Worth A Peepers

Hugo is quasi-moto-awesome currently in a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

but before we go, imagine if Asa and Kodi Smit-McPhee switched Chloë movies!!!  LET THIS IN!!!

Chloë 9ever!!!