2013 was a pretty weak year for movies, but life outside of the theater trumped life inside of it (I met the love of my life! and it’s a woman!  so I’m not gay!).  anywho, some movies were still better than garbage, and they is…

The Thirsteen Thirteen

1) Room 237

Shining on some crazy diamonds who put more thought into thinking about the Shining than anyone ever needed.  But once you hear these batshit crazy theories, you cannot unhear these batshit crazy theories, and you may juss go batshit crazy yoself

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2) The Wolf of Wall Street

It’s like Goodfellas and Casino‘s younger, hipper brother

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3) Her

Spike Jonze’ love story digitally penetrates!!

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3) Captain Phillips

Taking hostages on screen AND off!!

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4) All Is Lost

A better silent movie than The Artist

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5) The Great Gatsby

A little party never killed nobody

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6) The Hunt

Mads for Mads Mikkelsen

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7) The Stories We Tell

Do Tell

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8) Salinger

Trashy tabloid junk… that I couldn’t get enough of.  But what about the ‘pee in a jar’ rumors???

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9) My Father and The Man In Black

Cash-ed & carry-on, for the wayward son

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10) Spring Breakers

more of a feeling than a movie, and a dirty one at that, but it inspired us to actually do something with video on the internets!! 

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11) Short Term 12

All Brie, no cheese 

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12) Cutie and The Boxer

Starving for attention artists in residence

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13) Our Nixon

Nixon bindess with pleasure! 

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and now for the…

Honor Blackmanable Mentions

42
The Armstrong Lie
Bettie Page Reveals All
Blue Caprice
Blue Jasmine
Dallas Buyers Club
Enough Said
Fill The Void
Frances Ha
Mandela Long Walk To Freedom
Nebraska
The Past
(first 1/3 of) Place Beyond The Pines
The Reluctant Fundamentalist
Rush
Saving Mr Banks
The Source Family
The Spectacular Now

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wanna second opinion?  future Mrs Thigh Master weighs in!  

(poor girl saw more movies in a theater this past year than probably ever!!!)

Best Movies 

5. Short Term 12

4. The Wolf of Wall Street

3. Dallas Buyers Club

2. Captain Phillips

1. Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom

Runner up –

‘Best’ [meaning WURST] Movies  

5. Inside Llewyn Davis

4. The Book Thief

3. Don Jon

2. Upstream Color

1. I’m So Excited (Los amantes pasajeros)

Runner up –

The Sapphires

our annual anal movie awards – The Thighsmans – drops the week of the Oscars 

until then, here’s the bestest films of yesterhere

2012
2011
2010
2009
2008
2007
2006
2005
2004
2003
& 2002

My Father and The Man In Black
Saul Good vs Evil
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
Not Rated | 87 min

You know the man who was the Man in Black’s right hand man, right?  Of course you don’t, and neither did his son.  Well, now it’s time to introduce you to Canadian Jew Saul Holiff, who did so much more than manage Johnny Cash for 17 years.  He basically had to play the role of father-figure adult, trying to keep the childish Cash from crashing and burning, all while trying to keep himself from doing the same.  Unfortunately, Holiff wasn’t much of any actual father figure to his own son, and the director of this marvelously melancholy doc, Jonathan Holiff 

Saul Holiff killed himself in 2004, leaving his son searching for answers.  Who was my father, and why did he not care and love me?  Jonathan’s journey of paternal discovery led him to his father’s storage locker, filled with Cash mementos and audio diaries.  In his father’s own words, archival photos and footage + Unsolved Mysteries-like recreations, My Father and The Man In Black reveals Saul’s story and motivations and regrets (there are MANY), and Johnny’s too, and even a dash of June Carter Cash‘s, and it’s all 182893929 times more interesting and useful than whatever that garbage Walk The Line movie is was.  It’s true cause I said so  

In the end, we get a loving portrait of an unknown who should be known, and Jonathan gets a clearer picture of a man of gray, who was in the shadow of the Man in Black, and the only thing missing from this can’t miss doc is Harry Chapin’s ‘Cats In The Cradle’ playing over the end credits

‘When you coming home, dad?’

‘I don’t know when, But we’ll get together then. You know we’ll have a good time then.’

:(

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Black is right in NY/LA today and elsewhere elsewhen + on iTunes & Amazon September 10

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…