Thighs Wide Shut

– Virgin Mary In Grilled Cheese on eBay sells for $28K! But the madness doesn’t end there folks. Bid on Virgin Mary On Grilled Cheese@gmail.com or a trucker hat with her lady of GC or VMGC ala Warhol. Looking for something w/out Jesus’ mumsy, yet grilled cheese related? Why not bid on this photo of a Wyoming model with a grilled cheese sandwich!

– Wurstest use of the moniker ‘Thighs Wide Shut’ and horriblistic punning in general can be found right here. Somebody please send this guy straight to the PUNitentiary.

– I haven’t watched a full episode of ESPN’s SportsCenter in maybe 4+ years, but at least they still make fabulouso commercials. Case in point Star Wars vs. SportsCenter.

– Like more matchups and have nada to do tonight? Go see Senor Fluxbog take on Scotty Stereoshizzle in the The MP3 Blogger Battle @ APT (West 13th (9th/Washington) NYC) @ 10pm. These guys know their shiz, and they know Bo, but Bo don’t know Diddley.

– What happened here? [via Cubs Fan #1]

– Why on earth would anyone ever send a letter to Andy Rooney? I mean, he’s no Morey Schaeffer.

– How come none of yas clued me on on this whole Fat Darrell sandwich (chicken fingers, mozzarella sticks and french fries) dealio? And because you all let me down, I guess I’ll just have to eat 12 of them in one sitting.

– Nuttin sez Happy Anniversary to JFK’s brains exploding like a videogame!

– PEACE THE FORK OUT Franco-American SpaghettiOs.

– Did my girl Marianne Grizzle coin the word ‘mobnoxious‘?

– The Washington National’s brand spankin’ new logo is enuff to make me want to be an Orioles fan again. Boo. Boo Williams. Boo Berry. But props de leon to whomever the webmaster of WashingtonNationals.com is. MLB will be ponying up some major cheddar for some of dat urlness!

– Gawd I love NY. And so does U2. See Stereogum for more.

– This year yers jewly hit up the Lebowski Fest. Next year I’m aiming higher: Twin Peaks Festival 2005, set for July 29-July 31.

– Sleep easy tonight Grambsy, cause Camden, NJ just replaced Detroit as the nation’s most dangerous city! But was this decided before or after Ron Artest came to town?

– I LOUVRE posters. Hispecially Olympic ones.

– The Karate Kid Chimp. [via Nipsy Newbsy]

– Juss wanna say that The Thinker and myself are rocket scientologists for queuing up around 8:45 am this past Saturday for le grande re-opening of the MoMA. We got in no problem at 10. And when we left the museo, the line was 6 times the size. SUKKAHS!!! And oh yeah, the new digs FRIGGIN ROCK!! Cept they could use a few more Lichtensteins and a place to smoke pot… and like free bitches (an Ali G invention).

– Finally, in the realm of Her Royal Thighnessness, because she’s still the hottiest lil trollop in our solar system, and cause she makes the mos wickedest bowl of Rice Krispies after morning 69, I’ve decided to give Cuthy Cutbertson (HRT the II) a couple more weeks to clean up her act/dye her hair and pubes back to dirty dirty blonde before I can david givens her the boot. Meanwhile, Her Former Royal Thighness the I was quoted as saying “I want to be a young mom.” Well, Lord of the Thighs sez good luck with that sweet tits. You know you can’t drink when yer preggers.

– The Monster Thickburger: two 1/3-pound slabs of Angus beef, four strips of bacon, three slices of cheese and mayonnaise on a buttered sesame seed bun, 1,420 calories and 107 grams of fat. Will this be the enuff to get my a$$ to a Hardee’s for the 1st time since they gave away mini Pound Puppies plushies in the mid-80’s? Stay tuned. [via Future Bro In Ty Law]

– Did Lindsay Lushmouth really think for one minute that Jack White would have played guitar on her debut album? She should have aimed lower, like asking Michael Wilton, lead guitarist for Queensryche, to lend his ‘talents’. I’m sure he isn’t up to much these daze…

– Washington baseball club to be named ‘The Nationals’? That’s more busted than Buster Poindexter. At least the color scheme will be a solid combo of red, white, & blue and not some Florida Marlins/San Jose Sharks crap on a stick. What was wrong with everyone in the early 90s?

– The Museum of Hoaxeses is a frantastic site. Czech out their takes on that time traveling fool who claims a US civil war is a-coming, glow-in-the-dark deer, a dog who ate a cell phone and then the phone rang in his tummy, and if Grungesters ever used words like ‘Cob Nobbler’, ‘Lamestain’ and ‘Swingin’ on the Flippity-Flop’.

– Gawd I wish I was in Beijing right now!

– I always knew that Prince was better than Phil Collins & Barry Manilow.

– Of course the first thing yer gonna ask a female Virtual Bartender to do is strip dem clothes off! [via Guns n’ Rosenthal]

– Can Will Smith save the world from Asimo?

– Le new Chem Bros album will not only feature Q-Tip, but Charlatans UKer Tim Burgess, Mos Def’s brother Anwar Superstar (who knew he had a brother, in the family sense), and Kele Okereke from flavor of the moment Bloc Party.

– Did you know there was such a thing as a Turkey Testicle Festival? And that they’ve had 26 of these Turkey Testicle Festivals? And that they have a Turkey Testicle Song (WinBLOWS Media)? Insert ‘have a ball’ joke here. [via Made of Brawnsteeeinenen]

– And many a thanks to Nipsy Newbsy for pointing out the world’s le nastiest breakfast concoction since the microwaved tunafish taco slushy: Krystal’s Breakfast Scrambler. And here’s the gif that keeps me gagging.