Thighs Wide Shut

too many reviews to do this week, so lettuce do sum short & sweet ones…

The Girl Who Played With Fire
(Flickan Som Lekte Med Elden)
We Wouldn’t Care If She Were Playing With Poop,
Cause We’d Show Up To Watch Her Play With Anything!!!
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

Lisbeth Salander(/Noomi Rapace) is our hem flicka.  That’s ‘homegirl’ loosely translated into Swedish, which is the kind of fish you’ll be sleeping with if you don’t agree or don’t know what we’re talking bout.  If you saw (or read) The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo then yer a wise person already on the right track.  If you haven’t, stop reading this, start that and then come back and start reading this again.  Actually skip reading this and go see the mighty slow-burned AND high-octaned (AT THE SAME TIME!!) sequel The Girl Who Played With Fire.  It is The Empire Strikes Back to Tattoo‘s Star Wars, for many reasons, and most that we can’t talk about, but none involve lightsabers!!!!  Plus this new one has this dude named Micke Spreitz playing the Swedish version of Jaws from James Bond and he will not be stopped!!!  And even though Michael Nyqvist make us want to take Nyquil-vist, we still love him and root for him and wants him to bag the mosquitoed-chested Lisbeth over and over!!  Cause if he has a chance with her, we all do!!!  Can’t wait for the Hornet’s Nest!!!!!!!!  And then (no, not Zardoz) to see Fincher’s take on Stieg Larsson‘s matz!!!!

A Girl‘s Girl:  she may not have a fire… crotch, but our girl plays with the radiant Yasmine Garbi!!!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Jean-Michel Basquiat:
The Radiant Child
Not The SAMO© Shiz
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

Jean-Michel Basquiat was an artist.  You may have heard of him.  Julian Schnabel made his brilliant directorial debut with a film about him called… Basquiat.  Mike D’s wife and Billy Madison director Tamra Davis was friends with Jean-Michel.  She filmed him doing his art and once interviewed him talking about stuff AND things.  This interview sat untouched in her drawer for 20 years.  Cut to NOW!  And now she felt the time was right to make a doc about him, including this footage.  This doc is purty straightforward, but purty darn good, especially if you want to see what Fab Five Freddy looks like without sunglasses!!!! Basquait should not be confused with Bisquik

The SAMO© Shiz: photos of J-MB(and crew)’s early work in graffiti

Verdictgo:  Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Winter’s Bone
Haters of the Lost Ozarks
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

Jennifer Lawrence looks like Renee Smellweger, but acts betters than her in Debra Granik‘s Winter’s Bone, which is like Frozen River, but not as good cause most of Winter’s Bone is Lawrence asking the same question (‘you seen my daddy?‘ 32928282 times, and sometimes to the same person twice).  And sorta speaking of Melissa Leo, she could have played every role in Winter’s Bone, cept for maybe John Hawkes‘sszz, but maybe the two should mate and have children that could play white trash peoples to a T for future genetations!

Mad Fly: remember Ozark Air Lines? probably not, unless you ever flew to or outta the STL

Verdictgo: low end Jeepers Worth A Peepers

all three flicks are currently playing in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo
(Män Som Hatar Kvinnor)
The Curious Cold Case of Harriet Vanger
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

40 years ago, a purty young girl had gone missing, and has been presumed dead ever since.  Her wrinkly-ole Uncle moneybags (Sven-Bertil Taube, three of our mos favorite names, duh) cannot rest soundly until he can get some sort of closure on the matter.  Enter recently disgraced reporter Mikael Blomkvist (Michael Nyqvist, who looks like a cross between Mathieu Amalric and Mr Bean) to heat up this oh so frosted cold case!  And while our hero is one smart cookie, in a Robert Langdon kinda way, he still needs a his girl Fredag.  Enter THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO, aka Lisbeth Salander (Noomi Rapace)!!  Not only does she have a dragon tattoo, and mad piercings, and a Joan Jett complex, but she also has really small boobs!  She’s also a researching dynamo and can break into computers just as easily as she can get her heart broken.  Faster than you can say odd couple or dynamic duo or BOTH!, the two are breathing new life into the long dead case and the results FREAKIN ROXXXXXXXXXXXXX!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hopefully this is all old news to you, since the Stieg Larsson book (not of the same name. the original title = Men Who Hate Women) is an international best-seller, and this killah movie’s been out for many moons.  If it’s new news to you (we were a lil late to the game here, like trying KFC’s Double Down for the 1st time juss the other night), then NEWSFLASH, SEE IT (or we guess read the book, but who has time to read?) NOW OR ELSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!  There’s two Millennium Trilogy sequels already in the can, which should make their way to our shores this fall, so hurry the fork up and see this!!!

A Hollywood remake is already in the works, with David Fincher attached as the director.  He’s a perfect choice, considering Tattoo is the bestest thriller we’ve seen since his Zodiac (yes, we just said that and you know how we feel about ZODIAC!!!)  And while Nyqvist can be played by anyone (Brad Pitt is rumored to get the nod), no other actress will be able to replicate or keep pace with what Rapace did for her take on Lisbeth Salander.  She is the girl and no one else can be.  She tattooed us, and if you haven’t already done so, let her tattoo you, NOWWWWWWW!

Sweetest Fishes:  it was hard to find fotos of sum of dem cute honeys with bit parts in Dragon, but apparently very easy to find fotos of slightly fly womens (and mens) from Sweden that weren’t in the movie, but who love to party, IN SWEDEN, and since they are so Swedish looking and therefore prettier than wees, they is still worth gawking at

plenty mo Aryan thighs here: stureplan.se [SFW]

Verdictgo: Breast In Show!!!!!!

Dragon is all fire in limited release!!!!

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…