the 88th Oscars waz a doozy, and a floozy.  here’s what truly won and lost…

Winners

Tracy Morgan IS The Danish Girl (who isn’t)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Z-D2AMKYmo

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Tom Hardy’s wife - Charlotte Riley’s chest

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the calm and coolness that is Mark Ruffalo and his wink

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the return of Ali G  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YerpSOSt9kw

and how wife Isla Fisher snuck in the costume

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how they let the ‘Sound Editing’ and ‘Sound Mixing’ categories explain themselves with… sound!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tlPX5Zkiw4Q

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Jacob Tremblay has arrived!! (with his parents)

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Academy President Cheryl Boone Isaacs‘ sexy-smart glasses

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Girl Scout cookies!

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Ashley Graham – is BREAST dressed of the night!

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Losers

any chance of Clueless being celebrated at future Academy Awards.  poor Stacey Dash

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Mad Max‘s costume designer and Oscar winner, Jenny Beavan, can’t dress herself, and no one claps for her

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Sofía Vergara renaming Son of Saul - Son of Saauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuul

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white people, Asian people, Hispanic people, Indian people, Native American people.  they all matter, cause every person matters!

this can all be solved by letting Kumail Nanjiani (and white person Kate McKinnon) host next year!

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Zodiac - it was also about journalism too (better than Spotlight), and it’s the best movie of the 21st century, and it still has zero Oscar wins or even nominations

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Mark Rylance‘s hair AND his dumb hat

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all the people who died and got zero love for dying – Abe Vigoda / Dick Van Patten / Anne Meara / Patrick Macnee / Jason Voorhees’ mom / Stand By Me‘s Milo Pressman / Ron Moody (was nominated for an Oscar for fcuks sake) / the guy who played Leaterface / Louis Jourdan / Taylor Negron / Amanda Peterson / Mary Ellen Trainor / Uggie / Mr Deltoid 

(see our ‘In Memoriam’ area for love) 

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better suck next year

the greatest collection of random late 80s actors ever!!!

The 61st Annual Academy Awards Rehearsals for the ‘Break-Out Super Stars of Tomorrow’ Musical Number on March 20, 1989 at the Shrine Auditorium in Los Angeles, California.  photos by Ron Galella

top row - Patrick Dempsey, Carrie Hamilton, Chad Lowe, Corey Parker and Tracy Nelson

center Row –  Blair Underwood, Joely Fisher, Holly Robinson, Ricki Lake, Patrick O’Neal and Melora Hardin

front row – Keith Coogan, Savion Glover and Tricia Leigh Fisher

Oscar’s strange showstopper

this day in history – April 3, 1978 - C-3PO dons a bowtie and attends the 50th Academy Awards

and apparently molests Oscar!!!!!!!!

you are so annoying

and lame

you about as funny as a funeral

I laugh at you cause you a joke

go away

remember Sacheen Littlefeather???

she and Marlon Brando totally hated Roger Moore & Liv Ullmann so much that they refused to accept his Academy Award for fattest actor of 1973

Roger Moore was like, but we will trade you 3 beaver pelts and some maize for that Oscar and all of Nebraska

and she was like, eff that shiz.  you have disgraced our people long enuff, even though you is British and Liv is SwedishFinlandishNorwaylandish, and now I will disgrace myself by taking my clothes off…

for Playboy!! [NSFW]