Thighs Wide Shut

• Aiiight folks, tit’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for: THE VERY FIRST SAUCY VOICE MAIL MEGA REMIX ’05!! (hear the orig one here), which was conceived and created by The President of the Tom Welling Fan Club and yers drooly. This could be the greatistest thing I’ve ever been a part of besides competing and winning the White Castle eating contest in college. Please pass it around cause we hope to be bigger than those losers over at JibJab by the end of the weak.

• I don’t know what to make of the flick Domino (view trailer), the real life story of actor Lawrence Harvey’s daughter who was a model turned bounty hunter. Every clip I see with Keira Knightley in it whets my whistle and strokes my bristles, but then when Monique and Lucy Liu rear their ugly heads, I question it’s awesomeabilitynessness. Then again, it also co-stars Dabney Coleman, Ian Ziering, AND Brian Austin Green, so you know it’s going to be the bee’s fleas! Couldn’t they at least have thrown Joe E Tata a bone?

• De La Rules, flying windmills, and cartoon asscrack? Sounds like wees got a brand new Gorillaz vid on our hands (WIN or REAL)! Rock the HOUSE!

• This is plain whoreibble

• Spot The DEAD Drummer

• Orlando Boring to play a young Bond? I guess that means that the movie will be set sometime before the 20th century and will involve swords. Wait a second, now I hear that Clive’s snagged the role. Hopefully for everyone’s sake, that’s true.

• Gross. 2 gross.

• Postcards From The Edge… of the Galaxy

• Andie MacDowell turns on her highbeams

• Lessons Learned from Just One of the Guys

• Big name rappers’ are being bribed by Mickey D’s to drop some ‘Big Macs’ in their lyrics next to all the titties, a$$es, name calling, and gun toting. I’m looking to strike a similar deal with Popeyes Fried Chicken. And if anyone from the head office is reading, I will eggcept biscuits as payment.

• Officials ‘Crack’ the Da Vinci Code

• Unleavened Baby

• While some be hatin on superhottie Devon Aoki, I be spankin on dat shiz fo reals! I think my infatuation started when I saw her rocking that plaid skirt in 2 Fast, 2 Furious, and then was brought to a whole new level when I saw her in D.E.B.S.… wearing another plaid skirt. Grant tomb it, she aint no gifted actress, but there’s juss something about her that makes me want to pour soy sauce and wasabi all over her body and snort it thru my penishole. Plus it doesn’t hurt that her father is Rocky Aoki, owner of Benihana’s Japanese Restaurants and her godmother is supermodel Kate Moss (two places I enjoy eating at)! Anywho, whilst everyone’s been creaming at the mouth for Yessica Alba and her Sin City lassoness, we have all taken for granite the other honies in the movie, namely Devon, with those oh so applelicious rosey cheeks. Remember I’m just spittin’. Once bitten, forever smitten! So much so that I’m dubbing her the very first Thighcubine.

Listen to em again,
like it was the first time

or try our own eggsclusive Thighs Wide
FLY-ARSED REMIX!

and don’t forget about the classic mash-up by TVgasm where Pat reached out for a reach around from Rosie O’Donnell

Hey it’s me, I am
sooo f$%ing into you…

It’s incredible!
(not to be confused w/
That’s Incredible)

You are so f%#ing hot…

I want to lick your face at
the Christmas party, Nancy O’Dell-icious!

If you get this message
just look at me and say ‘yes’.

So which one is Betsy?

You are such a ‘snazzy’
dresser Pat ole boy…

that you make Nuclear Bob
look like Yves Saint Laurent!

And what’s with the
bitched @ swirthing
with Elvis Costello?

Or even dearest Duckie?

If ‘You’re So F%#ing Hot’
was an event at the Olympics,
he’d walk home all blinged-out
in Gold, Silver, and Bronze!

And this insta-blog about
being in rehab with you
is so NOT f%#ing hot!
[via Thigh Jr Wannabe]
…you have no more messages