Veronica just looks so damn cozy, and I want to cozy up next to her.  HOT DAMN!!!

2017 in TV was Tele-LICIOUS.  somehow I still haven’t seen the new Twin Peaks, which is a miracle and a tragedy as the original is my favorite TV show of all time, but I’ll get to it in 2018, I promise – myself!  anywho, here’s all the other stuff from TV that made my heart beat stronger and my shlong beat shlonger…

1. Riverdale (CW)

I always need a show in my life that’s the modern equivalent of Beverly Hills 90210.  Riverdale is it (it even has Luke Perry) AND THEN SOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  There was even Zodiac love!!!

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2. Mindhunter (Netflix)

Dude, it’s like my dream come true – more of Fincher’s Zodiac!!!

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3. Feud: Bette and Joan (FX)

What Hollywood does to actresses is horrible.  Now AND THEN.  Susan was born to be Bette.  The EYES have it!

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4. Married At First Sight: Second Chances (Lifetime)

I don’t do Bachelor shows, but I love the Married At First Sight series, so when they whored out two former Sighters and let a bunch of whores try to whore all over them – the end result was one giant sloppy mess, and I couldn’t get enough of it!!

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5. American Horror Story: Cult (FX)

Evan Peters is scary as fck!!!  Zodiac!!!  But the real revelation here is Carrie Fisher’s daughter, ready to be her own person – hello Billie Lourd

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6. The Americans (FX)

Martha stuck in Russia is the saddest thing ever in a show of so many sad things ever!

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7. Veep (HBO)

It’s truly amazing how a comedy about the US Presidency could be out clown-showed in real life by our current US President, and even more truly amazing is how the TV show this season was able to re-out clown show the real clown show.  CLOWN SHOW!!!!

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8. The Hunt For the Zodiac Killer (History)

Spoiler alert – they didn’t catch him/her.  BUT LET THEM KEEP TRYING!!!

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9. Curb Your Enthusiasim (HBO)

Long time off, and not much has changed, and that’s fine by me.  Loved the Fatwa advice from Salman Rushdie, like having an excuse to not pick someone up from the airport

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10. Wormwood (Netflix)

Errol Morris at his best, and he’s always at his best, so this is BESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSST!!!

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11. Fresh Off The Boat (ABC)

Still, the funniest network comedy going.  Love the shifting focus to the school kids.  Eddie’s friends are more interesting than Eddie!  Bonus props to redhead Trevor Larcom! Bonus bonus props to their Rent ripoff – Brent!

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12. Bates Motel (FX)

Norman Bates COMES full circle, and what better way to COME all over than with Rihanna as Marion Crane!

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+ bone-yessss!! moments

give all the awards in the world to Natasha Bassett who totally speared the lead (and my heart) in Lifetime’s Britney Every After

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the awkward adorableness of Stranger Things 2‘s Snowball Dance

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the theme music of the game show Now You See It

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realizing that I never saw Beverly Hills 90210 Season 4 and loving it beyond belief

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finally watched the final season of The Knick, and I already miss the fcuk out of this guy

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the real life filming locations of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel

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Chelsea Cardwell‘s sexy and sad portrayal of Monica Lewinsky in an ep of Scandal Made Me Famous

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the return of Battle of The Network Stars

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the new Dynasty is mostly garbage, cept Alan Dale remains TV’s finest a$$hole

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BUZZR’s excellent doc about game shows, hosted by Alex Trebek! – Game Changers

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Amazon gets STACKED and streams the original UNSOLVED MYSTERIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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the horrible awfulness amazingness awfulness of the made-for-TV version of Dirty Dancing

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Copycat Killers‘ talking head J. Buzz Von Ornsteiner – for his name, and how he talks, but mainly for his name

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I hope Kendra On Top never stops

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cheering for The Bold Type gals

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booing the girls of Girls. good riddance. YOU FCUKING SUCK!!!

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goodbye Merc Lapidus.  YOU WERE THE ABSO FCUKING BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  AND WILL ALWAYS BE ONE OF MY MOSTEST FAVORITE TV CHARACTERS EVER!!!!!!!!!!!

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wish we could MAKE A DEAL to keep these people with us on earth :(

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perv-iously ’16 ’15 ’14 ’13 ’12 ’11 ’10 ’09 ’07

if you’re not watching Riverdale throw away your TV or streaming device

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xHEWdi4Tibc

spoiler alert – Betty is H-O-T!!

David Fincher’s Zodiac (aka, greatest movie of this century) had two bits of love tossed their way this week on television …

American Horror Story: Cult – Episode 7 “Valerie Solanas Died For Your Sins: Scumbag”

where they revealed the Zodiac killer to be… killerS, by way of Andy Warhol’s real-life would be assassin and her man-hating minions!  and presented in a very Fincheresque manner!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KoWc8dkAtJg

+

Riverdale – Chapter Fifteen: Nighthawks

a killer is on the loose and in the episode’s closing minutes, to the tune of Donovan’s ‘Season of The Witch’, he strikes again!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VmQeoVFsD18

just like he did in Fincher’s movie, which was set to Donovan’s ‘Hurdy Gurdy Man’

somehow I neglected to tell you how amazing the show Riverdale is/was in season 1

why?

dude, Shelly Johnson is Betty’s mom – Alice Cooper – AND SHE ROCKS!!!

dude, Dylan McKay is Archie’s dad and he’s like a blue collar Dylan McKay!

and his absentee wife (spoiler alert) is MOLLY FCUKING RINGWALD!!!

and they made Jughead a cool loner rebel dude, and cast someone who looks exactly like an adult version of him - Skeet Ulrich!!!!! (btw, check out the Jug actor Cole Sprouse’s secondary instagram accnt)

oh, did we forget to mention how the show is so super sassy??

and oh so salaciously succulent???

AND oh so saucy sexy??????

oh, and the new look Josie & The Pussycats are purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrfect (shout out to their ‘Sugar Sugar’ redo!)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AXxrH0Mnopk

oh, and there’s plenty of good teen drama, and like mystery and mayhem, and stuff, and like a zillion redheads (i love redheads)!!!

and the show ‘somehow’ changed my lifelong allegiances from Betty to Veronica????????????

cause…

Camila Mendes 4 life!!!

 

is it season 2 yet??