Thighs Wide Shut

[Toon’Tro]

Josie might juss be the hottiest of the hottie toons, mt EVERest

never 5get, our collage of the hottiest of the hottie toons, mt EVERest, from 2005

top, left to right - Harley Quinn, Princess Daphne from Dragon’s Lair, Jessica Rabbit, Jane Jetson 

center - Daphne Blake, Maid Marian, Josie & The Pussy Cats, Smurfette

bottom - Kimberly from Space Ace, April O’Neil, Cleo from The Catillac Cats, Betty Cooper

Robin Hood
The Man Who Hood Be Bilking
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

Yoooooooo! (or in ye olde English, would that be Yooooooooooooe?)  What up with everyone dissin and pissin and eatin Nissin about Ridley Scott/Brian Helgeland‘s totally passable, plausible, and entertaining enuff Robin Hood?  Yes, we all know Russell Crowe is a cockmuffin, and so is that d-bag from Lost, but here they aint d-cockmuffin bags.  As Robin Longstride or Stridelong or Strongbow or Strongcockmuffin and Little John, they fines as they is, and even aints the focus of the entire movie (there’s other stuff, like castles!  and wars!!  and crowns!!! and old chicks dressed like nuns who say things!!!!  and for some reason there are kids in the woods who wear scary masks and steal seeds!!!!)

Sure, RH & LJ and the merry mens aren’t all that merry here, when compared to the ones we all know and humped from any previous incarnation, cause this aint’s a previous incarnation, this is new one!  One that goes all backstory and no frontstory! It’s no mind blowing or arrow splitting shazzle badazzle, but at least it’s realistic (they have beards and sometimes bleed AND sometimes bed chicks OR sleep with dogs)!  It’s like The Tudors (we always have to compare, sorry), but with better actors (Cate Blanchett, Max von Sydow, William Hurt, Danny Huston), but with no boobs (SHIT!!!)!!  And guess what, Mark Strong plays a bad guy!  That’s the smallest shock since a dwarf tried to give a frog a shocker!!! Hollywood, give Mark Strong a vacation from a movie set and our lives!!!

What more do you people want?  Gladiator sucked and this was far more fun than that cause that’s the truth. What, you want Kevin Costner talking about baseball in Sherwood Forest?  Look, all we want is Disney’s Robin Hood put back onto the big screen, but we don’t run Disney, a movie theater, or the world, so that aint happening, but Ridley’s Hood is happening enuffffff!  Well, enuff to tide us over until something that’s both ye olde and mo mammoth comes to a screen near jews, like The Hobbit, or a 3-D version of John Wayne Bobbitt’s life story with theme song by the Bee Gees!!!! [SFW]

Sure Wood: did you ever watch the 80s British series Robin of Sherwood, later starring Sean Connery’s son (and Mia Sara’s one time hubby) Jason? probably not, but it was so 80s good!!!  and the theme song by Clannad kicked nads!!!

Clannad – ‘Robin (The Hooded Man)’ [empeethree]

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Robin is currently gettin medieval in your HOOD

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Fantastic Mr Fox
It’s Dahl Good
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

Post-Royal Tenenbaums, Wes Anderson kept trying to make something different, but basically kept making baum clones, one on the high seas and the other in India. It pained us to do so, but after the limited Darjeeling Limited we had purty much given up on the cutesy world of WA. Enuff was certainly enuff (esp the overuse of Owen Wilson), but with his adaptation and interpretation of Roald Dahl‘s Fantastic Mr Fox, enuff has become A-OK again, at least for the time being. Fox is culled from the same Andersonian bag of tricks and thrift store DIY, yet since it was presented in a whole new fashion, stop-motion animation (which we usually cannot stand), what was once olde suddenly feels purty darn new again. Not only has the fun returned, but the radness as well. Instant karma and kudos to you Mr Anderson

Fox is slain and pimple, a pure delight, for young and especially old. It’s briskly paced, as not a single moment of action or dialog is wasted, and before you know it, not much has even transgressed, cept a giant smile that has been perma-fried to your face (we dare you to walk out of the theater w/o one). The voice work if obviously fine (George Clooney, Meryl Streep, Jason Schwartzman, Bill Murray, Wallace Wolodarsky, Eric Chase Anderson… Wes’ bro, Michael Gambon, Willem Dafoe, Owen Wilson… duh, and Jarvis Cocker!!!!!!!!!!!!!), but the real attraction here is the world Anderson has created for these furry lil creatures to steal chickens, rile humans and dig deep holes in. His over-does-it-on-the-details manner hits high marks here, so the only question is, where does he go from here? Hopefully not Royal Tenenbaums IV: Tenenbaums In Space with Owen Wilson as the kooky commander!

Contemporary cool-kid Spike Jonze’ own childhood flight of fancy, Where The Wild Things Are, was equally as wondrous, but too much of a mind-melt for repeat viewings and future enjoyment. Same is spankfully not true of Fox, which will forever and 5ever have a place on everyone’s shelf, right next to Disney’s Robin Hood, which, if you didn’t know, is the single greatetssttetsststststststst kids flick of BALLLLLLSSSS THYME!!!! It is, juss ask us, who have 387372382 degrees in what is amazingzzzz and whatsszz is not

Foxy Lady: never 5get the fantastic Ms Fox, as in Samantha, cause she always wanted to have some fun and we always wanted to touch her body

if the interwebs were around when she was hitting it big, she woulda hit it even bigger cause everyone woulda been hitting theirs shafts with them NSFW pics abound!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Fox is currently holing it up in NY & LA only, but will soon hit up a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

as long as there have been video games, there have been movie spin-offs into crappy video games. Although not the first, Atari’s E.T. could be the wurst. So effin bad that millions of its unsold cartridges lie in some New Mexico landfill. But were not here today to talk about Drew Barrymore’s adolescent coke buddy or whatever became of the company that in Japanese is loosely translated to ‘prepare to be attacked‘. Wees here to celebrate the awfulnessnesnessss of all the movies that were shamefully turned into Nintendo 8-bit NES cartridges. And spanks to YouTube and the dedication of some very angry gamers (some of their commentaries border on geniusnessness, and maybe even Canada), we’re puttin on display how sum of these shitastic games end. Some of them are so coughful that E.T. may be able to finally rust in (reese’s) peaces

A Nightmare On Elm Street

Willow

&
for the ending
I bet more people saw on NES
than in theaters…

Hudson Hawk

here are sum udder YouTubenessies
for movies that became NES games
but we couldn’t find the endings fo…

Alien³
Bill and Teds Excellent Video Game
Conan
Bram Stoker’s Dracula
Days of Thunder
Hunt for Red October
Jurassic Park
Last Action Hero
Last Starfighter
Lethal Weapon
Mad Max
Platoon
Rocketeer
Terminator
Total Recall
The Untouchables
Wayne’s World
Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

these I couldn’t find any love fo

Cliffhanger
Cool World
Darkman

&

here be sum games
that were on the sched
to be made
but were cancelled

Hellraiser
Police Academy
Rocky
& video hactually exists for this one…
Star Trek V

and although not hailin from movies
these games almost made it
into the houses of tens of hundreds!

Married With Children
New Kids On The Block
Vanilla Ice
&
Twin Peaks!?@!?#!@

Now you’re playing with power!!

and now you should look at our
Thighs Wide NES Hall of Fame
which one of the above games actually got inducted to!

+ don’t fo’get
u can play most of the games online HERE!

Ocean’s Thirteen
Ocean’s Hook Line Is A Stinker
Trailers & Mo

Having your characters sport faux mustaches cannot disguise the fact that you’ve basically remade your first movie, cept your caper has no motivation, your execution has no rhyme or reason, your new casino had the same interior designer as Tao & the Hiro Ballroom, Don Cheadle’s cockney accent starts to outwurst Kevin Costner’s in Robin Hood, and in the process, you’ve allowed Al Pacino to hand in the weakestest and leastest menacing screen villain since The Penguin. So besides Ellen Barkin’s wicked cleave line, is there anything redeeming? Unless you JO to Clooney’s omniscient smirks, then the answer is a resounding NO

IMDb Sweeney: fakes mustaches may be all the rage, but Matt Damon rages against the machine (read: the film industry) by donning a faux shnozer in dishonor of not being allowed to sport one in Gilliam’s The Brothers Grimm [IMDb|Stufffzz]

Netflex: ever heard of Casino [trailer]?

Apt MPupil3: The Stones‘ klassic ‘Tumbling Dice‘ [d HERE|live vid]

Eyes Wide Open: for AMC/DeBeers hottie Olga Sosnovska, who plays the thankless role of ‘Debbie’

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…