The Flowqueens of ‘14.5

1) Jodorowsky’s Dune

The greatest doc ever made about the greatest film never made, EVER!!  So many ‘what if?‘s AND ‘what the f#$k??!!!‘s to shake your head at

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2) Whiplash

Dude, WHIPLASHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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2.5) The Trip to Italy

Lightening strikes twice as Steve Coogan and Rob Brydon take their thick shtick to Italy.  Hilarity ensues at every blip on the map.  AMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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3) The Babadook

Are the things going bump in the night all in their heads?  Too late, they are now in our heads too!  BABA-DOOK DOOOK DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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4) Mr Turner

Literally watching paint dry – and it’s amazing!!!

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5) Foxcatcher

Carell’s nose, Ruffalo’s beard and hairline + Tatum’s sad face = Pinned-trest-ed!!!

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6) Nightcrawler

Jake Gynenhehahehallllll is watching you.   Watch him back

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7) The LEGO® Movie

Toys with our emotions in the best way possible.  It also happens to be funniest Will Ferrell flick in half a decade

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8) Inherent Vice

Katherine Waterston continues her ‘brave’ (read – ‘nude’) work in cinema

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9) Dawn of The Planet of The Apes

Going ape-sh!t, again

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10) Citizenfour

The year’s best thriller is not only based on a true story – it is THE truest true story!

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11) The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies

Unibrowser Yowzers!!

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12) Boyhood

Seamless production and process like none other make up for a somewhat lacking narrative.  Bring on Manhood!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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13) The Double

Every movie needs Jesse Eisenberg.  So why not have two Jesse Eisenbergs???

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14) Step Up All In

If you’re not in, you are OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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and now for the…

Honor Blackmanable Mentions

The Fault In Our Stars / Get On Up / Interstellar / Jersey Boys / Lucy / Palo Alto / X-Men: Days of Future Past

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our annual anal movie awards – The Thighsmans – drops the week of the Oscars 

until then, here’s the bestest films of yesterhere

2013
2012
2011
2010
2009
2008
2007
2006
2005
2004
2003
& 2002

Step Up All In
Sweating To The Newbies
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 112 min

DUDE!!!

Please Lord Jesus Moses F Christ F Murray Abraham – if you really the lord, please let there be another Step Up movie. I promise to step up and maybe eat microwaved tunafish

Verdictgo: Breast In Show, duh

get All In before it’s too late

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Step Up Revolution
The Revolution Will Be Danceivised
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 99 min

DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE, THEY TOTALLY STEPPED IT UP, IN MIAMI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  They danced, cause they were The Mob, and The Mob are like dancers with a positive message and mission, cept they really should be locked up cause they often break laws, like the law of BEING AWESOME AT DANCING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It’s true

So what’s the story of Step Up 4 (in muss see 3-D)?  Does it really matter?  No.  The only thingsz that matter is that there’s awesome dancing and that our lead dancers are hot.  Well, MISSION ACCOMPLISCLICIOUS!!!!!!  (but for those who care about such things, the story is about finding a purpose for dancing, and that purporse is to save a neighborhood from Peter Gallagher‘s eyebrows!!!!!)

There was DANCING!!!!  OH BOY WAS THERE.  Dancing in the streets, on the beach, in a restaurant, at a board meeting, in a lobby, in a Cuban bar, at a swanky reception, in a dance studio, at a shipping dock, and in our hearts!!!!

And our two leads - Ryan Guzman and Kathryn McCormick – were hottttttttttttttttt AND wet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND THERE WAS A CAMEO BY MOOSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! [SPOILER ALERT!!]

And if you hate dancing and hot people, well, you really need to examine what’s wrong with your life and tastes

Verdictgo: not really, but Breast In Show

Step Up ups the ante, not really, but sorta, at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Step Up 3D
Best Side Story
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

We were dragged to Step Up 1 kicking and screaming, and came out of the theater kicking our heels!  We were more of a willing participant when Step Up 2 The Streets hit the streets, and we came out of the theater with precipitating pants!!  Words cannot describe our anticipation leading up to the release of the 3-D third edish, which was 2 years in the making/baking!!!  And?  And??  And?????????????????? STEP UP 3-D TOTES STEPPED IT UP LIKE TIMES 18 ZILLION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Check your plot and cares at the door, cause Step Up 3-D is 111% fun and probably the only other modern 3-D movie worth seeing besides Avatar.  This is a 3-D movie that points and throws things at us, the audience, and that, to us, is what 3-D is and should be all about.  CHEW ON THAT!!!  Bless you director Jon Chu!!!  We’d mention the screenwriters too, but there was more attention (spankfully) paid to the choreography than there was to the stenography!!!  And Moose (Adam G. Sevani, who’s like a cross between Harpo Marx, Jack White and Mike Damone from Fast Times) returns, even MOOSEYER than ever!!!!!!!! And now he’s stepped up to college at NYU, and after being in Washington Square Park for all of 8 seconds he’s instantly dragged into the underground dancing scene and things get all Breakin’ 2 Electric Awesome Glue!!! And Rick Malambri has a slick body and and even slicker 4 o’clock shadow and Alyson Stoner doesn’t get stoned, but the auidence will be trippin out!!!  And Joe Slaughter is a class A screen a$$hole, like Bradley Cooper, but with even less charm and even lessssser acting skill$$$, and then… ZARDOZ, but before that, there’s this vision Vinson of beauty…

Over Under On How Many Times You JO To This Girl From Down Under?: please do squeeze the Sharni… Vinson!

Verdictgo: 9 star cinema!!!!!! aka Breast In Show

Step Up steps it UP!!!!!! currently at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

first there was Step Up
then there was Step Up 2 The Streets
and next Up?…

Step Up 3-D!!!

eat your farts out Jaws 3-D!!!

further ‘Ding:

The Illustrated 3D Movie List (1915 to the present)

The Top Ten List of items coming out of the screen in 3-D films

SI Swimsuits in 3-D

View-Master®, original inductee of the National Toy HoF

3-D, Casey Siemaszko’s greatest role

…can’t wait for Step Up 4’nication