Thighs Wide Shut

Snow White and The Huntsman
Babes In Woodland
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 127 min

THIS MOVIE IS NOT ABOUT JON HUNTSMAN’S HOT DAUGHTER OR HIS DAD WHO INVENTED THE MCDONALDS CLAMSHELL!!!  That’s already 28282839329393939 strikes against it.  Having Kristen Stewart play Snow White is like having 28283813292323932932 more strikes, and yet, yet, yet, somehow this Snow White movie was like a poor middle class man’s version of The Princess Bride!!!  Sorta.  And Chris Hemsworth‘s beefy beefness beefs up the fun, but not as much as Charlize Theron milking a milky milk bath or her brother Sam Spruell bobbing a man bob or the fact that they somehow shrunk many awesome normal sized actors (Ian McShane, Bob Hoskins, Ray Winstone, Nick Frost, Eddie Marsan, Toby Jones, Johnny Harris, Brian Gleeson) be like tiny sized actors!  Bet Peter Dinklage and Warwick Davis was pissed!  Snow White?  More like Snow RIGHT!

Seeking A Friend for The End of the World
Apocalypse Tao
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 101 min

Do you like Steve Carell?  Do you like Keira Knightley?  If the answer is yes to both, say yes to this fun little diversion that’s like The 40-Year Old Virgin meets Pride & Prejudice.  Not really, but if you sat thru both of those movies, you can sit thru this one, and you may smile, while the world falls apart, in an amusing way that’s like Atonement meets Dinner for Schmucks.  Not really

Your Sister’s Sister
Oh Brother, Where Art House Thou?
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 90 min

Lynn Shelton‘s Your Sister’s Sister is about two sisters, Emily Blunt and Rosemarie DeWitt, who go to a cabin in the woods and take turns banging one non-related fellow, Mark Duplass.  Sorta, not really.  It starts off dark and heavy, but somehow that’s all forgotten in about 8 minutes, and for the better, cause the gloom gives way to fun and lots of words, so if you want explosions and car chases, this isn’t you movie.  But then the movie tries to do stuff towards the end, and it’s more implausible than me becoming a vegetarian Cowboys fan who licks swastikas for breakfast.  Sorta

Verdictgo: ALL THREE be Jeepers Worth A Peepers

ALL THREE might be playing at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Crazy, Stupid, Love.
It’s Not So Complicated Too
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 118 min

Are you a fan of Steve Carell(‘s sad sack funny guy shtick), Ryan Gosling(‘s serious hotness), Julianne Moore(‘s less is moore approach) and/or Emma Stone(‘s beyond sexy Daisy Duck eyes)? If yer a human being living on planet earth and go to the movies, then the only answer can be ‘yes, to all the above‘.  If not, you might be Hollywood Elsewhere.  Crazy, Stupid, Love is not crazy, nor is it stupid, and nor nor did we out right love it.  BUT, if you love (or even juss like) Carell, Gosling, Moore and/or Stone, then you will dig on them digging on each other.  Here’s another litmus test –  Did you like It’s Complicated?  If you did, you will like CSL.  Nuttin fancy, juss cute people making cute.  No harm, no foul.  Lots of smiles, and if there aren’t smiles, you know eventually that those frowns will be turned upside down

So what’s this movie about?  Who even cares, but we will say that there was a lil bit of a twist that even took us by sirprize!!!  And that sirprize isn’t that Josh Groban is pretty decent at playing a dork, or that Kevin Bacon is beyond decent at playing an unlikable person, or that Analeigh Tipton is solid at being awkward, or that Marisa Tomei can make good use of a bad useless role, or that John Carroll Lynch really is the Zodiac, or that Jonah Bobo has an odd name and should totally play a young Brian Wilson in that 5thcoming biopic

Crazy Stupid Hot Chicks: there were plenty on hand, but we’d like to get our hands on these two the mostest!!

Crystal Reed

&

Karolina Wydra

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Stupid isn’t so at a theater near jews tomorrow

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Dinner For Schmucks
Send It Back To The Kitchen For Some Re-Warming
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

Putting today’s holy trinity of funny (IMO, or should that be In We Opinion?), Steve Carell, Jemaine Clement & Zach Galifianakis + adding in nice straight guy (playing mean!) Paul Rudd (and our sassy lassy Kristen Schaal!) in the same movie should equal NOTHING but comedy gold.  Anything less would be uncivilized! So why then does Jay Roach‘s Dinner For Schmucks feel like unoriginal pyrite material?  And why are we only served about 15-20 minutes of actual dinnertime and the rest is lukewarm appetizers of Murphy’s un-guffaw Law?  To be perfectly honestly, the 1998 Francis Veber film in which this is based on, Le dîner de cons, wasn’t even close to being humorous to begin with, and while writers David Guion and Michael Handelman elevate the material to at least a chuckle zone here and there, they can’t help but make the audience feel like the schmucks.  Ouch!

We don’t want you think that Schmucks is a bomb or a waste of time, cause it’s not (the mousterpiece dioramas by the The Chiodo Brothers are INCREDIBLE, and so is the beastly photo artwork by Clement’s character).  We know comedy is hard, but most comedies juss don’t try hard enuff… like this one!  Then again, this was well more enjoyable than Get Him To The Greek, Death At A Funeral (the remake), Hot Tub Time Machine and the Carell starring Date Night (do we even have to mention Cop Out?).  Knowing you alls, you’ll probably think the opposite is true, and let’s juss leave it at that you schumcks (we love you!!)

Final thought: Carell is leaving the comfy and well-written confines of The Office for the bumpy and poorly written ones of Hollywood flicks.  Look, he deserves all the money in the world, but he and we deserve better

A Lil Mo Than So-Szo: Stephanie Szostak plays Paul Rudd’s love interest in the movie, and a French maid in our wetty wet dreamzzzzzzzzzzz!

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Schmucks goes awe schucks this Friday at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…